Gimme Gimme Gimme, Season 1

Beryl:
If you want the advice of an ex prostitute, check the bedroom for evidence.

Linda:
It's very difficult researching a role isn't it?

Tom:
How would you know? The only time you were on tele is when you walked past the window on 'Richard & Judy'... You're such a sad bitch.

Linda:
I've been on stage, i was the virgin Mary in the young offenders nativity play.

Tom:
You played our virgin mother you blasphemous bint?

Linda:
I was a virgin, till the dress rehearsal anyway

Shirley:
Oh yeah...That's very funny! Excuse me while I piss myself!

Linda:
(to Sugar) I've got a life, I've got a life, you see that scar? I got that when I was bottled in a fight in the pub in Plaistow, that's what you call being part of the real world mate, something you don't know nothing about... (pause) It was one of the happiest nights of my life actually the other girl lost two front teeth and her short-term memory. Bitch, I do not look like Elizabeth the 1st.

Jez:
...yes, and the titanic was a little bit wet!.

Linda:
Oi! I had family on that boat.

Tom:
...End of story!

Linda:
SOME STORY! It's more confusing than Hansel & Gretel.

Tom:
(yelling) Hansel and Gretel's not confusing!

Linda:
Well when did you last stay in a house that you could eat? It twists children's minds that does!

Linda:
Nahh, Tamika blew me out.

Tom:
What, over the phone? She must have a very long tongue...

Linda:
They must have got a puppy for Christmas coz I could hear her fella in the background shouting 'I'm not having that dog back in my house' and then she said 'party's off'!

Tom:
And what did you shout at the lovely Elaine Paige when we went to see 'CATS'? 'Show me your pussy I'll show you mine'!

Tom:
And at the interval of Jesus Christ Superstar you ran round telling the children "He dies in the end!"