Glee, Season 6

Kurt:
[as Spencer walks into the locker room] Hey, I'm open. [Spencer tosses the football at him, which flies out of his hands] Well, I guess that's why I was the kicker....which was a transformational moment for the school, by the way. Yeah, marked the beginning of a great synchronicity between Glee Club and football. Just ask any of the football guys that are back for homecoming.

Spencer:
So why aren't they here trying to recruit me? Why did they send you? 'Cause we both like guys?

Kurt:
[following him to the bench] Look, I know we don't have much else in common, but only a gay man knows what it's like for us out there.

Spencer:
I know when you were in high school, being gay was how you primarily identified yourself, but that’s not my thing.

Kurt:
Don’t you think it’s everyone else’s thing?

Spencer:
When I told people I was gay, only two people had a problem with it. Coach Beiste kicked them off the team.

Kurt:
Look, you’re naive if you don’t think you’re standing on our shoulders. Okay, you owe Glee Club.

Spencer:
Please, I owe Modern Family. Listen, when Coach Beiste kicked those guys off the football team, they cornered me in the parking lot when I was getting into my car, got all up in my face. One of them ended the day with his jaw wired shut, and the other, I don’t think he ever stopped running. I can’t stand Gaga, I’ve never seen Newsies, and I don’t write Archie fan fiction where Archie and Jughead are hot for each other. Just because you and I happen to be born in the same 10% of the population that would choose Andrew Garfield over Emma Stone doesn’t mean we have anything else in common. So I’m not saying no to your Glee Club because it’s gay or straight, I’m saying no because I think it sucks. I’m sorry, man.

Kurt:
[while with Sue Sylvester in her office] I met someone online, his name is Walter.

Sue:
[looking horrified] Oh, Porcelain. No-no-no-no. You will never come out of this alive. This person is obviously a cannibal. I mean, look at you. You're exceptionally well marbled.'

Sue:
[continuing] If I was on a desert island with everybody I knew, I would absolutely eat you first. It doesn't even have to be a deserted island. There could be any number of casual dining establishments, and I would still opt to eat you. A mouth-watering delicious corn-fed Porcelain rump roast.

Kurt:
Okay, I'm leaving.

Will:
I heard a rumor that you are making retirement plans.

Sue:
Damn it, Becky. She tweeted it, didn’t she?

Kurt:
I do not want to get back together with Blaine.

Sue:
Listen to you. That’s not the porcelain I know.

Blaine:
What kind of elevator is this?

Kurt:
I don’t think this is a real elevator.

Sue:
Hello, Klaine.

Blaine:
Stop calling us that!

Mason:
I heard she tends to make everything about herself.

Madison:
Shh, if you’re gonna say things like that to me, you need to use your psychic voice.. Got it!

Kurt:
We should all boycott.

Sue:
Oh, no, no, no, Porcelain. No, this is happening. Each team will perform at this invitational. Even if one show choir's co-director is kidnapped and held against his will, causing him to mess the performance.

Rachel:
I was so intent on being a Broadway star that I never even learned her name, or any of their names. There was Puck's brother and-and then there was cross-dressing Mercedes and the one with the fat mom and whatever Raider.

Kurt:
Ryder.

Sue:
Hey! Let's move this thing along, huh? These rotten tomatoes are getting restless.

Rachel:
Great.

Kurt:
This is a, uh, a creamy pasta dish. And we said if we ever had a celebrity child, this is what we would name it.

Blaine:
Fettuccine Alfredo!

Sam:
You’re going to get back there no matter what. Nothing can stop Rachel Berry.

Rachel:
Thanks. You’re very sweet.

Whitney:
Your real father is… Dr. Stephen Hawking.

Pierce:
The Robot!

Brittany:
What?!

Blaine:
I think, that he thinks that there’s still something between us. Which there obviously isn’t.

Kurt:
Obviously.

Blaine:
Anyway, I’ll call you. We’ll figure out what we’re doing. We can do something up-tempo. Or slow. It doesn’t matter, I’m versatile.

Kurt:
Rachel, it’s come to our attention that you have some challenges with saying good-bye to your childhood home.

Blaine:
Which is forcing you to say good-bye to your childhood and fully accept adulthood. Or at least that’s according to the very nice lady at the Lima mental health clinic.

Rachel Berry:
Well, Jesse St. James. (Jesse hums, smirking pleased) What you're doing here?

Jesse St. James:
I'm fromhere, remember? And I'm just in town for a couple of days, my mom's getting a tummy tuck and a little eye-work done, so I thought she could use a little help around the house. The real question is, Rachel Berry, what are you doing here?

Rachel Berry:
What... I'm coaching the glee club! Yeah, we're-we're cramming for sectionals right now, so...

Jesse St. James:
Well, I heard you were offered a new role in the Russell Simmons' musical opposite one of Broadway's hottest up-and-coming young actors, but that the producers are still waiting to hear back from you.

Rachel Berry:
Wait, how do you know that?

Jesse St. James:
Because I am the hot up-and-coming young actor you're going to play opposite of.

Rachel Berry:
(obviously excited) You're playing Tino?!

Jesse St. James:
The Iraqi war vet who was discharged for covering the American embassy with the graffiti that he used to make him a famous Philly street artist and when he comes home, crippled with PTSD, it's only his love of hip-hop that can save his life? (Rachel nods, grinning) Yeah.

Rachel Berry:
Thank you for your input. I really appreciate your opinion. I just... I have to make this decision on my own.

Jesse St. James:
Fair enough. I know that you'll make the right decision. I just... We make really great music together, Rachel. We always have. Think about it.

Jesse St. James:
But you know what? We got bigger fish to fry now, Berry. You, me, the footlights of Broadway. I don't know if you've found an apartment yet to live in New York, but, uh, you can always stay at mine until you find one. No strings attached, of course, he said flitartiously.

Rachel Berry:
I turned down the part and I decided to go back to NYADA. I think I was afraid that going back to college would be a step backwards, but I think it's a step in the right direction. (Jesse hums thoughtfully) So... Don't be mad. You're mad.

Jesse St. James:
No, I'm not mad. Sad that I won't be spending every night onstage with Rachel Berry, absolutely, but I'm proud of you. You went with your gut. You didn't take the easy road back to Broadway. And you know what I think? NYADA better watch out, cause the Berry is back.

Rachel Berry:
(chuckles, stands up and hugs Jesse.) Thank you so much for understanding. And I will be there on your opening night, so you better not screw up, because I'll have an egg in my purse with your name on it.

Jesse St. James:
Oh, wow! You're really not gonna let me live that down, are you?

Rachel Berry:
No.

Jesse St. James:
Well, maybe I can make it up to you because, you know, you're gonna be in New York and I'm gonna be in New York, so we're bound to run in each other.

Rachel Berry:
I mean, we're bound to, yeah.

Jesse St. James:
I mean, I think it's inevitable.

Rachel Berry:
I'd like that.

(Rachel and Jesse kiss. When they break apart, they're both smiling slightly.)

Jesse St. James:
All right, I'm gonna go. I'll see you soon.

(Rachel nods, still smiling.)

Kitty:
(To Rachel) I invested everything into Glee Club. And what did it get me? They al deserted me. The only reason I'm still here is because Sue needed me for Cheerios! I miss singing and dancing and the feeling of being in the choir room. But I know Sue and I know you. And I don't want to jump back in just to have my heart broken again in a couple weeks when it all goes away.

Doll Sue:
Hello, Klaine. Let's play a game.

Dave:
(to Blaine) Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him?… I knew it.

Sue:
(to Coach Beiste) You will be happy to know that McKinley High is now a fully gender-fluld high school.

Artie:
It’s time to bring out your two favorite gays, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson!

Jesse St. James:
Rachel, it's really fun to come home every now and again and coach a glee club or, in my case, help your mom use her grabber tool to pull a box of cereal off the top of the fridge, but you and I both know that you belong on Broadway. You need to get your ass back to New York.