Grimm, Season 1

Title Card:
"The wolf thought to himself, what a tender young creature. What a nice, plump mouthful..." - The Brothers Grimm 1812

Hank:
What’s that song?

Nick:
Sweet Dreams.

Hank:
Eurythmics. One of their better. [sings] "Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree...?”

Nick:
I didn't know you couldn't sing.

Dr. Rose:
Did you know about the scars?

Nick:
What scars?

Dr. Rose:
A lot of them look like knife wounds. They’re all over her body. What line of work was she in?

Nick:
She was a librarian.

Monroe:
Look, I don't want any more trouble, okay? I'm not that kind of blutbad. I don't kill anymore, I haven't in years.

Nick:
Wait. What did you say you were?

Monroe:
Blutbad. Vulgarized by your ancestors as "the big bad wolf." What, did you just get the books tonight?

Nick:
You know about the books?

Monroe:
Of course I know about the books. We all know about the books. You people started profiling us over 200 years ago. But as you can see, I am not that big, and I am done with the bad thing.

Nick:
Well, how do you...?

Monroe:
How do I stay good? Through a strict regimen of diet, drugs, and Pilates. I'm a reformed blutbad, a wieder blutbad. It's a different church altogether.

Nick:
You guys go to church?

Monroe:
Sure. Don’t you?

Nick:
This sounds like what happened a month ago at Munson Creek Falls.

Hank:
Same deal. Hiker and a bobcat.

Nick:
But the bobcat wasn't wearing boots.

Marie:
There are things you don’t know, things about your family.

Nick:
My family? You're my family.

Marie:
Have you been seeing strange things? Things that you can't explain? [Nick gives her a look] Oh, I knew it. This is all happening so much faster than I thought it would. When it happened to me, it knocked me on my ass. I couldn't move for a week.

Nick:
What are you talking about?

Marie:
The misfortune of our family is already passing to you.

Marie:
You saw him, didn't you? You saw who Hulda really was.

Nick:
I don't know what I saw, or how you did that. What's going on?

Marie:
We have the ability to see what no one else can. When they lose control, they can't hide, and we see them for what they really are.

Nick:
Look, you need some rest...

Marie:
This is no fairy tale. The stories are real. What they wrote about really happened. You are one of the last Grimms.

Monroe:
You know, I've never seen one of you before. I heard about you guys all my life, never thought I'd see one up close. A Grimm! Heh, whadda ya know!

Nick:
You know about me?

Monroe:
Are you kidding? My folks used to tell me stories about you guys, scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. How long have you been at this? You seem kinda new.

Nick:
Who are you?

Monroe:
Wow, you are new at this.

[approaching the kidnapper's cabin]

Monroe:
What are you doing?

Nick:
Well, you said he was over there

Monroe:
[rolls his eyes] Why don’t you just call him, tell him you're coming?

Hank:
The old man’s house is on the other side of the park. Right?

Nick:
Right. 4753 Hildebrand Road. Directly across from here.

Hank:
When I was a kid, I wouldn't have gone all the way around the park.

Nick:
Well, the mother was very specific about the route.

Hank:
[sarcastic] Yeah, right. Kids always do what their moms tell them to do. I know I did.

Nick:
You know where she is.

Monroe:
Of course I don’t know where she is! Did I not just tell you about my strict regimen?

Nick:
So how many of you Blutbads are here?

Monroe:
First off, the plural is Bludbaden.

Nick:
[about hunting Blutbaden] Do I need something like silver bullets?

Monroe:
What are you, an idiot?

[last lines]

Sean:
[about Marie] Is she dead?

Adalind:
No. He was there

Sean:
That's unfortunate. We'll just have to try again. Let's hope she doesn't wake up first.

Title Card:
"She looked in the window, and then peeped through the keyhole; seeing nobody in the house, she lifted the latch."

Monroe:
[after ripping half an arm off a gunman in self defense] Okay, that went a little too far.

Nick:
How do I look?

Hank:
Like a cop who’s been working all night/

Nick:
Aw, that’s funny, Hank. That’s how you look.

Hank:
Well then, you look good!

Monroe:
You people murdered my grandfather. The Grimms burned down his farm, cut off his head, his hands, and his feet. Okay, maybe he deserved it for some of the things he did. But if my parents could see me now, standing this close to you and not avenging the family, last Thanksgiving I'd be invited to, I can tell you that.

Marie:
Take your best shot, blutbad.

Hank:
Dude, what'd your aunt do to piss off so many people? She work for the government or something?

Hank:
[Talking about a suspect] What do you think?

Nick:
Grown up way too fast, single parent if she has any. Takes way too many chances and looks for excitement in all the wrong place.

Hank:
Sounds like me.

Nick:
Yeah. Look how you turned out.

Diana Rabe:
Somebody was sleeping in our bed.

Frank Rabe:
Sleep had nothing to do with what they were doing in our bed.

Nick:
I’m still trying to make sense of everything. Look, if you hadn't been here, I would've lost my mind. I'm not sure I haven’t.

Marie:
Don’t doubt yourself.

Nick:
I’ve seen so much.

Marie:
And you'll see more. You have a responsibility that you cannot ignore.

Nick:
I couldn't ignore it if I tried.

MArie:
You have to hunt down the bad ones, just like your ancestors did. There's a reason that you're a cop. You have an ability, and you must use it.

Juliette:
I picked up Chinese from Lotus, and - Got Voodoo doughnuts.

Nick:
Ah, you are the best. [Reaches for the doughnuts]

Juliette:
Don't be such a cop. The doughnuts are for dessert.

Nick:
You ever seen one of these?

Monroe:
Not up close, thank God. I think Jagerbars use these for disemboweling. Now I'm hungry.

Nick:
What do you know about Jagerbars?

Monroe:
What am I, your personal Grimmopedia?

Nick:
No, you're a Blutbad, and I'm assuming that Blutbaden know about Jagerbaden?

Monroe:
It's just Jagerbars.

Monroe:
Aunt Marie, right? Yeah, I couldn't sleep the last two nights thinking old aunt Marie was going to cut off my head and stick it on a lamppost. That's how my great grandma ended up, you know!

Marie:
Remember who you are. Trust your instincts and nothing else.

Diane Rabe:
We belong to organizations that protect native land from development. There's a lot of rich cultural heritage disappearing, and we're trying to protect what's left both locally and globally.

Frank Rabe:
Honey, I think you're getting a little irrelevant

Diane Rabe:
Well you have to respect your ancestors, right detective?

Hank:
I had to respect mine, otherwise, I couldn't sit down for a week.

Drew:
Okay, let's see, we got kidnapping and attempted murder for Barry, Jason, and T.B.

Hank:
Breaking and entering for Rocky and Gilda.

Drew:
Well, at least they weren't doing drugs.

Hank:
So you do this for kicks? Break into homes, party hardy?

Gilda Darner:
We were just having fun.

Hank:
Illegal fun.

Title Card:
"She'll sting you one day. Oh, ever so gently, so you hardly even feel it. 'Til you fall dead."

Elliot Spinella:
I was at the Howard Johnson in Eugene last night for this year's Oregon Beekeeper's Con.

Hank:
Pretty crowded convention?

Elliot Spinella:
Well, there's twelve of us, actually.

Monroe:
Easy there Five-O, you called me, remember? Don’t you have a partner for this stuff?

Nick:
Yeah, sure, because if I told him my two suspects turned into bees, he’d completely understand.

Nick:
I don't need you for what you know, I need your nose.

Monroe:
Oh, I get it. So little Timmy’s stuck in a well, you need Lassie to come find him. You really know who to butter a guy up for a favor.

Nick:
I’ve got a '77 Bordeaux in my truck.

Monroe:
I can maybe catch a scent...

Monroe:
[upon entering a dark house] This is so the part of the horror movie where the sidekick gets it!

Nick:
Just stay close.

Monroe:
Tell me were are not going upstairs. [Nick keeps walking] Oh, we’re going upstairs!

Hank:
Miss Schade…

Adalind:
Please, call me Adalind, all my friends do.

Nick:
All your friends are dead.

Hank:
Harper's bee man just buzzed me. Yeah, I went there.

Monroe:
Oh yeah, I’m definitely getting a female scent here. Undeniable.

Nick:
You that sure?

Monroe:
No, her perfume. It’s called "Undeniable".

Nick:
Hey, wait up.

Monroe:
Don’t you dare say "heel".

Nick:
Name’s Melissa Wincroft.

Monroe:
Whoa. Did you just, like, Grimm that? Some kind of telepathic way?

Nick:
No, I read it off an envelope. Melissa Wincroft, owner and CEO. Must have been her office.

Monroe:
That’s cheating. I sniffed her out.

Nick:
Good boy.

Monroe:
If a mellifer sent out a message, it definitely means something sketchy’s going on somewhere.

Nick:
Hank and I were attacked by a swarm of bees earlier, if that’s sketchy enough for you.

Sgt. Wu:
Oscar-worthy performance, De Niro!

Nick:
Middle-school drama club.

Sgt. Wu:
He just sent a direct message to a blocked user.

Nick:
Well, can you...?

Sgt. Wu:
Of course I can, I'm Asian.

Nick:
So, tell me, why do the mellifers want you dead?

Adalind:
You're a detective. Figure it out.

Nick:
I don't like this any more than you do. But if it's my duty to protect you, I damn well better have a good reason, or I might have a bad day at work.

Hank:
Dying on a streetcar while dancing to YMCA. What do you think?

Nick:
Sounds like a crappy way to go.

Juliette:
Hank said you did the right thing.

Nick:
Sometimes it's not that simple.

Juliette:
If it were simple, they wouldn't need you.

Dr. Harper:
Well, it's definitely a puncture wound. But I can't tell you what made it. I've never seen a needle gauge this big.

Nick:
So was she allergic to apitoxin?

Dr. Harper:
No. But medical records never kept anyone from dying. I found close to 50 milligrams of apitoxin in her system. A bee sting carries about .1 milligram.

Hank:
That would make it a bee the size of LeBron James.

Dr. Harper:
More like the big three combined.

Nick:
Okay, sports fans.

Hank:
[At the beekeeper's] What makes a guy want to work, every day, in such a dangerous environment?

Nick:
What, robbery/homicide too tame for you?

Nick:
[In interrogation] I'd like to go over it again, if you don't mind.

Doug Shellow:
From the beginning?

Nick:
Well, yeah, unless you know what happens in the end.

Hank:
Let's take a look at the case files Burman sent us.

Juliette:
Uh-uh, my patient is not doing anything but resting and not scratching for the next eight hours. Dude, if you were a dog, I would've already tranquilized you.

Title Card:
There she pauses for a while thinking... but the temptation was so great that she could not conquer it.

Monroe:
[answering phone] Hello?

Nick:
Hey, It’s Nick

Monroe:
How did you get my new cell phone?

Nick:
Are you kidding me? I’m a cop.

[Monroe is watching a suspect for Nick.]

Nick:
Can you get closer to him? I need to hear what he’s saying.

Monroe:
Check this out. I am moving in on the bar. There’s an opening directly to her left. I’m about 20 feet form the bar right now. I can be at the opening about...

Nick:
Okay, I don’t need to know everything you’re doing.

Monroe:
Well, excuse me for being thorough.

Nick:
You know anything about Ziegevolk?

Monroe:
A little. They're mostly like preachers, game show hosts; you know, actor types. You know, guys like to be in the public eye. Why, did one goat out on you?

Nick:
Yeah. Do you know some?

Monroe:
I knew one in high school. Elvis Greenspan. Got all the chicks; like every hottie in school. Okay, kid was 5'4". Weighed in at like 280. It's hard to believe but Ziegevolk give off this sort of scent.

Nick:
What, you mean like pheromones?

Monroe:
Yeah, they secrete it in their sweat or something. Chicks can't resist it. And if one of these goat guys touches you, look out man, they own you. Why do you think those Hollywood types are always hugging everybody?

Juliette:
What are you thinking?

Nick:
Oh, I'm just wondering why certain people are attracted to each other.

Juliette:
It's all about chemistry.

Nick:
Oh, well that explains Dale Armstead. Guy who stole your - [gets a look from Juliette] Guy was your first love.

Juliette:
That wasn't love.

Nick:
Well, it certainly wasn't looks or intelligence.

Juliette:
You're one to talk! I met your first girlfriend.

[Nick asks Monroe to follow a suspect.]

Monroe:
Okay, who am I supposed to be?

Nick:
Just yourself.

Monroe:
That's a little disappointing.

Hank:
I can't believe any of these women wanted to be anywhere near this guy.

Nick:
You know what? I'm betting it's the toads.

Hank:
Yeah, right, toads. If it was only that easy. Maybe I'll get me some toads.

Nick:
What are you doing?

Monroe:
No way, dude I can't be around that guy; he's way too potent. I almost bought him a drink.

Nick:
You get a tox report?

Dr. Harper:
Preliminary says she had a few drinks, not a lot. Alcohol was .06.

Nick:
Well, what about drugs?

Dr. Harper:
So far, none of the usual suspects. Finding the unusual's going to take a little more time.

Nick:
The Bramble House, Bed and Breakfast.

Hank:
You know it?

Nick:
When do I have time for a bed or breakfast?

Hank:
Let's check with the cab companies, see if they made any drop-offs at a B & B you "don't have time for".

Title Card:
Out they scampered from doors, windows, and gutters, rats of every size, all after the piper.

Monroe:
Last time I protected someone for you, it was not a pleasant experience. How is that guy, by the way, were they able to sew his arm back on?

Nick:
Uhm, I don't think he's going to be beating anybody up with it again.

Sgt. Wu:
I guess they're gonna have to face the music.

Hank:
Really? You went there?

Sgt. Wu:
Somebody had to.

Sean:
[reading newspaper headline] "Rats Dine On Beloved Teacher."

Nick:
That's a little cold.

Hank:
Guess who came to dinner.

Sgt. Wu:
Looks like he's been dead for a few hours; car's locked - we kept it that way. Got some evidence inside we didn't want to get away

[They see rats crawling around inside.]

Nick:
Death by rat?

Sgt. Wu:
Looks like.

Nick:
Look, I get it. You're the outsider, no one understand the world the way you do. Maybe you shouldn't expect them to.

Roddy Geiger:
I certainly don't expect a Grimm to.

Nick:
Do you know many Grimms?

Sgt. Wu:
You're never gonna believe this. I talked to Sammy, the guy who put on the illegal rave - Your perp is DJ Rechid Kat!

Hank:
Who's DJ Rechid Kat?

Sgt. Wu:
[to Nick] Tell me you know.

Nick:
Of course I know. Everybody knows. Who's DJ Rechid Kat?

Sgt. Wu:
Only the most famous raver in Portland! Not that men of your age would know what I'm talking about.

Monroe:
Reinigen, they're bottom of the food chain. Man, let me tell you, the food in their chain is rarely gourmet.

Monroe:
I've never been much of a do-gooder, Nick, I mean the only bleeding heart I ever had was an... I mean that's in the past, I'm just saying.

Hank:
How many rats?

Nick:
What?

Hank:
For the report, how many rats do you think were down there?

Nick:
Sorry, I didn't stop to count them.

Hank:
I'd like to put a million, 'cause that's what it seemed like.

Nick:
Put a thousand. Nobody's gonna believe a million.

Hank:
No one's gonna believe a thousand.

Hank:
I haven't had that much fun since that drunk threw up on me at the Christmas Party.

Nick:
Wasn't that Sergeant Wu?

Hank:
Nice house.

Nick:
Nice cars.

Hank:
And bad things still happen.

Title Card:
Little pig, little pig, let me come in, said the wolf to the pig. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin, said the pig to the wolf.

Monroe:
My aim is to keep the toilet clean.

Hap Lasser:
Cool

Monroe:
Your aim will help.

Lt. Peter Orson:
This isn't between you and me.

Monroe:
Then what's with the shotgun?

Monroe:
Let's not let this get out of hand, I just had the carpet cleaned.

Nick:
Let's try to figure out who might want to harm you.

Hap Lasser:
Detective. Listen, bro. I'm a pretty happy guy. That's the reason the name "Hap" works so well for me. I love everybody, and everybody loves me. Even the guys I owe money to.

[Nick gives him a look.]

Nick:
Follow me.

Hap Lasser:
[Listing everyone he owes money] Uh, Jimmy Damon. I'm into him for about three grand. It's a bar thing.

Nick:
A bar tab?

Hap Lasser:
No, Jimmy Damon was for a bar that I opened. He was one of my backers. It was a really, really great idea. You actually had your own bar right there at your own table. We lost our shirts. Uh, then there's Sammy Runyon. I owe him, like, a couple grand. Strip mall creperie. You know, those really thin French pancakes? Now, pancakes are the new cupcakes. Or, at least, they should have been. In fact, maybe I could interest you guys in a really unique investment opportunity...

Angelina Lasser:
[about Nick] He's a Grimm!

Hap Lasser:
What? No. He's a cop. Monroe, tell her she's wrong.

Monroe:
...She's not.

Hap Lasser:
He's a cop and a Grimm? Is that legal?

Sgt. Wu:
We ran blood tests on her clothes.

Nick:
And what have you got?

Sgt. Wu:
Believe it or not, Bugs Bunny. They apparently had something to do with the death of a rabbit.

Nick:
A rabbit?

Monroe:
Uh Yeah, I lapsed.

Nick:
Maybe she is not the right girl for you.

Nick:
So, how did Buddy get himself in trouble?

Juliette:
He went after Eloise, that huge, yellow cat a couple of doors down.

Nick:
How did Eloise come out of it?

Juliette:
On top. Apparently, Buddy bit off more than he could chew.

Nick:
The cat beat up the dog?

Juliette:
Don't piss off a woman with claws.

Monroe:
Angelina just came by. She says she knows who killed her brothers.Says it was a Bauerschwein.

Nick:
A what?

Monroe:
A pig. And I don't mean a cop. But I do mean a cop.

Nick:
[Knocking on door] Monroe, it's Nick. Open up.

Monroe:
Maybe I should just get you your own key.

Monroe:
This Blutbad-Bauerschwein feud goes back centuries. We get blamed for every Bauerschwein death. Even the suicides.

Angelina Lasser:
This is insane. Three Blutbaden in a room with one Grimm. And we're all having a little chat. We should be having dinner.

Monroe:
He's not that kind.

Angelina Lasser:
[Scoffs] There is only one kind.

Nick:
Just like there's one kind of Blutbad?

Angelina Lasser:
Well, kumbaya. Let's all hold hands.

Nick:
Mr. Lasser, you said you walked outside just before it exploded?

Hap Lasser:
Well, yeah, Detective. If I would have been in there, I wouldn't be out here.

Hap Lasser:
My brother's baseball cards! Now, if my brother knew about this, he would crap a car.

Hap Lasser:
[about Monroe and Nick] Whoa! You guys know each other?

Monroe:
We've met.

Hap Lasser:
Oh, yeah? Where did you meet? Like, at a party or something? [lowers voice] Oh, wait. You didn't get arrested for doing some of the stuff you used to do, did you?

Monroe:
All right. Let's go. Come on. Time to go.

Title Card:
The enchantress was so hard-hearted that she banished the poor girl to a wilderness, where she had to live is a miserable, wretched state.

Monroe:
You should see me in my Santa suit.

Nick:
Yeah, a blutbad as Santa.

Monroe:
Hey, I'm pretty good, but it's true. I'm no gefrieren geber.

Nick:
Wait a minute. You're telling me that Santa Claus is a...?

Monroe:
Well, think about it. I mean, who else could live up there?

Monroe:
Here we go. A knochen hof.

Nick:
Let me guess. "Bone yard."

Monroe:
Literally speaking, yes. But there's a spiritual meaning. We've taken a life to sustain life. And the sacrifice has to be honored. You know, before digestion begins.

Bud:
Dude, I'm telling you. I saw him with my own two eyes.

Roscoe:
Here in Portland?

Irv:
They don't really exist.

Bud:
I was in his house.

Roscoe:
You were in a Grimm's house?

Bud:
Yes!

Irv:
If that's true, how come he didn't kill you?

Bud:
'Cause I got the hell outta there, that's why.

Roscoe:
OK, so where does he live, Mr. I-saw-Grimm-and- lived-to-tell-about-it?

Nick:
You got something.

Monroe:
Just give me a second, OK?

Nick:
What is it?

Monroe:
[excited] Burdock root! I haven't seen this stuff since I was a kid in Scouts. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a pain-killer. It's like aspirin, you chew on the root. It's also a fine diuretic. [Nick gives him a look] But I digress.

Monroe:
This is burdock root. You chew on it. Like this. Here. [Holly spits it out] No, no, no, I know, I know. It tastes like an old tennis shoe. I mean, not that I've eaten all that many of them.

Forest Service Ranger:
It's kinda weird, there's not a bit of food left. No sleeping bag, no blankets. Got millions of dollars worth of marijuana plants out there and not one of them was taken.

Hank:
You're saying somebody killed him for his supplies?

Forest Service Ranger:
That's what it looks like.

Nick:
Somebody got their priorities screwed up.

Hank:
Maybe we're talking Bigfoot.

Nick:
I don't think Bigfoot would fit in the sleeping bag.

Dustin:
I told you everything I told the police. I didn't kill your brother. I'm telling you, there was someone else out there.

Mike Blake:
That's just what I would have told the cops if I'd killed somebody.

Sean:
Who kills a pot grower in the middle of the woods for a sleeping bag and some food?

Nick:
Somebody hungry and cold.

Title Card:
Fee fi fo fum... I smell the blood of an Englishman...

Monroe:
[answers phone] This is awfully early.

Nick:
Can you trace an antique watch?

Monroe:
Wow. You're actually calling me for what I do. I might have to charge you for this.

Monroe:
Good morning. Well, not that good if somebody died, I guess. But, um, yeah, come on in.

Nick:
He's after Hank.

Monroe:
Hank? Why?

Nick:
He put him in prison.

Monroe:
Oh, yeah, that'll do it. These guys carry grudges to the grave. And usually it's your grave.

Sean:
You're lucky to be alive. Pulling a stunt like that. I should have your badge.

Hank:
If you want it, you can have it.

Sean:
I'd rather have you alive and wearing it.

Title Card:
I am impelled not to squeak like a grateful and frightened mouse, but to roar...

Sgt. Wu:
He thinks it might have been a disgruntled customer. Apparently his boss was a terror. Nobody liked him. He said, and I quote, "I'm surprised somebody didn't stick a tire iron in him before this". Actually, that was a paraphrase. I left out the bad language because I couldn't write that fast.

Hank:
Love's a funny thing.

Nick:
You must be laughing all the time.

Nick:
You ever seen one of these? [Shows Monroe a drawing]

Monroe:
A Mauzhertz. Pretty favorable likeness actually, given the subject.

Nick:
Well, I think I saw one and he could be involved in a murder.

Monroe:
There's a reason you people never wrote about them. They never do anything worth writing about. This whole cartoon thing they got going, such a racket.

Nick:
So they're harmless?

Monroe:
Yeah. I mean you say "Boo" and they scurry off to their safety zones. They're very predictable that way.

Nick:
What about a Lausenschlange?

Monroe:
Lausenschlange? You saw a snake dude and lived to tell about it? Let me tell you, what you don't want to do is leave a Lausenschlange alone with a Mauzhertz. That is a recipe for dessert.

Hank:
I hate places like this.

Nick:
Why? It's just stuff.

Hank:
Nah, it's people's lives falling apart. What's left when the good times are over. The stuff of dreams.

Nick:
Thanks. Now I'm creeped out.

Juliette:
[after finding a raccoon in their garbage] Don't arrest him, he's just hungry.

Nick:
Yeah, well, he's a rodent, and he should be eating what rodents eat.

Juliette:
He's not a rodent. We're all mammals here.

Nick:
Well, I'm not eating what he's eating.

Juliette:
Sure you are. You just got to it first.

Monroe:
You start messing with the status quo, there are some people who might not be exactly sanguine about that. And what I am doing with you is definitely messing with the status quo.

Nick:
I'm not going to ask for any more of your help.

Monroe:
Screw that. I'm not running. You ask me for all the help you need. I've never been much of a status quo kind of guy. And next time, we'll be ready for them.

Title Card:
We shall see the crumbs of bread... and they will show us our way home again.

Monroe:
The vast majority of humans just can't process that kind of information. They can believe in all kinds of stuff, you know. Gods, for example. Angels, demons, and dinosaurs and the Big Bang Theory, and E equals MC squared, man. But that's only because it's not right in front of them. They're not looking directly into the boiling core of the raw universe. So, you know, confronted with that kind of reality, a lot of brains just turn to mush.

Monroe:
What's my favorite color?

Nick:
What?

Monroe:
You know, you never ask me about anything else. Like sports or music or who the hottest Bond babe was. You know, like normal conversation. Just saying. Be nice to switch it up once and a while, you know.

Nick:
Well, what's your favorite color?

Monroe:
You don't mean that.

Nick:
No, really, I want to know.

Monroe:
Red

Nick:
Well, I feel so much closer to you now.

Sgt. Wu:
Are we depressed?

Nick:
Were you able to get any info off the driver's cell phone?

Sgt. Wu:
Yes. And no.

Hank:
Can you just give us the yes?

Sgt. Wu:
No.

Nick:
Haven't you ever had to explain who you are to anyone?

Monroe:
You mean, like, a normal person? No. There's no good outcome to that. Either they believe you and think they're crazy or, far more likely, they don't believe you and they think you're crazy. Either way, it puts a strain on a relationship.

Hank:
What about the wounds on his neck?

Nick:
Well It could be vampires, or someone who wants to be a vampire. Or somebody who wants to get a lot of blood fast. These are about the size of an IV needle. My hope, it's an IV. Okay. So, how does a kid get stuck in the neck with an IV needle and end up in a river going over a waterfall?

Dr. Harper:
I saw a lot of this sort of stuff in the late 80's. When the Satanic cults were all the rage. But not lately. Maybe they're making a comeback.

Hank:
So, what killed him?

Dr. Harper:
Oh, he drowned. But my guess is he drowned because he was incredibly weak from loss of blood.

Hank:
So, was it an accident or a homicide?

Nick:
Nobody puts IV needles in their neck by accident.

Sgt. Wu:
[Examining a body] White fluid in his nostrils and around the edge of his mouth would suggest drowning.

Nick:
Well, he looks pretty pale, even for death.

Hank:
Yeah, it could be the cold water.

Nick:
Yeah, or this. [Finds two puncture wounds on the side of the neck]

Sgt. Wu:
Oh. Anybody believe in vampires?

Nick:
Ha, ha.

Sean:
These are human organs. Hearts, gall bladders, kidneys... this is unbelievable.

Sgt. Wu:
Why would you dry them out instead of selling them for transplant?

Nick:
Some cultures use animal organs to make medicines and aphrodisiacs. Bear gall bladder, rhino horn...

Hank:
So, what, if animal liver is good, a human one must be better?

Sean:
Well, whichever way you look at it, it's still cannibalism.

Sgt. Wu:
Uh, I think it's pronounced "capitalism."

Title Card:
Instantly, the priestess changed into a monstrous goblin-spider and the warrior found himself caught fast in her web.

Hank:
[after Nick picks up a severed finger] What?

Nick:
It moved!

Hank:
Must have been a nerve. You want to pick it up again or do you want me to give you the finger?

Monroe:
You caught me making some bauernwurst. I was feeling sort of homesick. My mom used to make this stuff all the time. Want some?

Nick:
Who's in it?

Monroe:
Okay, when my ma used to make it, she stuffed it with, you know, whatever, whoever was around.

Nick:
Yeah, I think I'll pass.

Ryan Showalter:
[Looking at paintings] If you like this one, I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight.

Lena Marcinko:
This piece exemplifies focus on the use of color as a means of emotive expression. By avoiding a more literal transcription of human nature, he clearly comprises the basic tenets of Fauvism.

Ryan Showalter:
Really?

Lena Marcinko:
Doesn't mean it's good.

Nick:
Two Eisbiber kids egged my house last night.

Monroe:
You're the monster under the bed. I think some Wesen found out you're a Grimm and they're curious.

Nick:
What's a Wesen?

Monroe:
You know, Blutbaden, Fuchsbau, Wildschwein, those of us the Grimms have been trying to eradicate for centuries.

Nick:
You know, I'm not like that.

Monroe:
Dude, join the misunderstood. Try telling people I don't eat meat.

Hank:
Looking at the tox report, the victim was found in a mummified state just like ours. You ever hear of latroinsectotoxin?

Nick:
Yeah. Gargle with it every morning. What is it?

Hank:
It's an amino acid found in spider venom. Why can't she just shoot these guys and keep it simple?

Nick:
Some people don't like guns.

Hank:
Some people don't like spiders either.

Monroe:
There's a whole bunch of different kinds of spiders, you know? Some molt, some eat their young, which I consider the height of bad parenting.

Monroe:
I'd say that looks like a Spinnetod. A death spider. There's not many of them, thank God. They're like the black widows of their world. I really don't know much about them except they kill after sex, which, to my way of thinking, kind of ruins the evening.

Nick:
What is this place?

Monroe:
It's a Klosterhaus. A retirement/monastic retreat home for Wesen.

Nick:
You guys have your own rest homes?

Monroe:
Yeah. We're not savages. Except for Schneetmachers.

Nick:
Noted.

Nick:
[fixing TV] Is it working now?

Juliette:
Not in the sense that I can see anything.

Monroe:
How's it going with Juliette? You tell her anything yet?

Nick:
[laughs bitterly] Ah, not quite.

Monroe:
Nada? Zip? Diddly?

Nick:
Yeah

Monroe:
I guess Grimms aren't that brave after all.

Nick:
[watching surveillance footage] She's leaving.

Hank:
He's leaving, too.

Nick:
Could be he caught up with her on the street.

Hank:
Maybe they had plans to meet up later.

Nick:
And he didn't want to be seen leaving with her.

Hank:
Or she didn't want to be seen leaving with him.

Nick:
So who was seducing who?

Hank:
[sighs] In my experience, the woman runs the relationship.

Nick:
She's only killed two victims so far. And if Charlotte's right, today is the third day of the mortification process.

Monroe:
Sounds like she's going to kill again, and soon.

Nick:
Exactly.

Monroe:
Yeah, I'm going to stay home tonight, play a little cello.

[Nick knocks on John's door. John opens it, sees Nick and panics, dropping the two beer bottles he's holding to the floor.]

Nick:
Well if you can't hold your liquor, you shouldn't be drinking.

[John tries to close the door, but Nick manages to push his way in. John runs to the kitchen, Nick corners him there.]

John Oblinger:
What do you want from me? What are you doing here?

Nick:
I came here to ask you the same thing. Why are you and your buddies watching my house?

John Oblinger:
[gasping with fear] I-I...

Nick:
Breathe. Come on! Breathe.

John Oblinger:
None of us have ever seen a Grimm before.

[Bud walks in.]

Bud:
Hey, doofus, where's the beer...? [sees Nick]

Nick:
You!

Bud:
[terrified] Oh, God... Oh, God... please, I have three kids!

Nick:
You're the one who started all this.

Bud:
No, no...! Well, yes, sort of. But I didn't mean anything. It's just that nobody believed me. I didn't know how else to prove you were a, a... You have a very lovely wife.

Nick:
We're not married.

Bud:
Even better

John Oblinger:
Please, you don't have to kill us.

Nick:
I'm not going to kill anyone.

Nick:
[to Bob] How many Wesen have you told?

John Oblinger:
Nobody... [stammering] Hardly anyone. You know maybe just a couple neighbors.

Nick:
Alright, here's what you're gonna do! You're going to make sure that whoever you told, and whoever they told, never come to my house again.

Bud:
Fine. Sure, we can do that. Right?

John Oblinger:
Of course. You bet. Absolutely!

Nick:
Well I hope so. 'Cause I'd hate to have to come back here.

Title Card:
The beast were loosed into the arena, and among them, a beast of huge bulk and ferocious aspect.

Nick:
[after Bryan takes off jogging] So how long'd you think it take us to do ten miles?

Hank:
Depends on how fast we drive.

Nick:
Hey, what's up?

Juliette:
Some very exciting laundry.

Nick:
No wonder you called.

Juliette:
I'm going to the grocery store so I wanted to check in with you about our anniversary dinner. You do remember that, right?

Nick:
Dinner, when have I ever forgotten dinner?

Juliette:
Uh-huh, okay. So you're saying you want peanut butter and jelly tomorrow night?

Title Card:
For me there are neither locks nor bolts, whatsoever I desire is mine...

Monroe:
Steinadler, let's see... huh.

Nick:
What?

Monroe:
Just a second, this is interesting. Steinadlers seem to be involved with the military. Like, heroic, noble. Apparently with very large... "sausage"? I don't think I'm translating that correctly.

Dr. Harper:
I started digging, guess what I found in his stomach.

Hank:
Dinner?

Dr. Harper:
If you like to eat money. I prefer to spend it. I guess he was really trying to take it with him.

Monroe:
[reading Nick's books] Ooh, these are some pretty bad schakal this, uh, relative of yours is writing about. Whoa, look out, they ate a baby. That's rude.

Title Card:
Said the dragon, "Many knight have left their lives here, I shall soon have an end to you, too," and he breathed fire outof seven jaws.

Monroe:
Nick. What are you doing here, man? It's not exactly the last place in the world I'd expect to see you, but, uh, pretty darn close.

Nick:
Do you come here a lot?

Monroe:
What, me? No. [Nick gives him a look] You know, sometimes. [Nick still looks at him.] Okay, a lot. Come on. She is smoking hot.

Monroe:
You sure we should be conversing like this here?

Nick:
[Looks around] No.

Monroe:
I was hoping you'd say that.

Nick:
[Waits a few seconds] So, Daemonfeuer?

Monroe:
You just said we weren't going to do that in here!

Ariel Eberhart:
[un-gags Juliette] Time for you to scream.

Juliette:
[who's freed her hands] Time for you to scream. [punches her]

Monroe:
Hey, I'm just glad to be here, to you know, help rescue a woman I've never met before. Or been introduced to. But, you know, hey, I don't take it personally...

Nick:
Are you really going to bring that up right now?

Nick:
[Reading] "His children were even more fierce than the Daemonfeuer; willing to sacrifice themselves for him. We avoided them and, followed the Daemonfeuer high into the mountains, where we discovered his terrible lair, filled with treasures stolen from all the villages. The bones at the entrance of the cave were too many to count. If we did not know better, we would have guessed it was the entrance to Hell." That's just what I need. An entrance to Hell.

Nick:
[upon entering Ariel's house] It's all copper.

Hank:
Why? I mean, I had an aunt who wore tinfoil hats for years. But this, jeez. This girl takes being wired to a whole new level.

Hank:
About all we can do is run an APB on her car. See if we can pick her up. Until then, you might as well go home and get a little... rest.

Monroe:
It is so classic.

Nick:
What?

Monroe:
Your princess has been taken by the dragon, right? And the rest is obvious, you know? Beautiful women being taken, dragged into caves, and the men sacrificing everything to go after them. It is the ancient archetype of the whole relationship megillah... Only problem is, somebody always dies.

Monroe:
So, what are we going to do? I mean, you can't use your gun in there. You know, with them breathing all that gas. Ah, it's too bad you don't have a lance. I bet you've got one back in the trailer.

Nick:
I'm giving them what they want. Me.

Monroe:
I'm not liking the plan so far.

Nick:
I'm going to distract them long enough for you to get Juliette.

Monroe:
Well, what if I can't find her?

Nick:
What if I get burned alive? We're going in, no matter what.

Monroe:
Okay. No. I got it. Just stay in the present, not the future.

Ariel Eberhart:
Am I your first Daemonfeuer? I hope so. You're my first Grimm. I was a little worried I wouldn't get to see you again. Although I have to say, you're not exactly what I expected.

Ariel Eberhart:
Isn't she perfect?

Fred Eberhart:
Who comes for her?

Ariel Eberhart:
Someone worthy of you.

Nick:
Where are the bodies?

Sgt. Wu:
Downstairs in the basement.

Hank:
What condition?

Sgt. Wu:
Toast.

Nick:
You okay?

Hank:
Yeah. You?

Nick:
Yeah.

Sgt. Wu:
Uh, I'm not. This stuff is in my eyes, my nose, my ears...

Nick:
[Answering phone] Juliette, where are you?

Ariel Eberhart:
She's with me. Time for a little search and rescue.

Nick:
Where are you taking her?

Ariel Eberhart:
Oh, come on, Nick. Where do you think? You know who we are. You know what we do. What do you want? I'd lost hope of being able to help my father. Until I found you. Offering my father a chance at redemption. Now, Grimm up. It's time to face your Daemonfeuer.

Title Card:
Soon he was so in love with the witch's daughter that he could think of nothing else. He lived by the light of her eyes and gladly did whatever she asked.

Nick:
Juliette, if you have something to say, just say it. I know it's been a little tough...

Juliette:
No, no. I want to learn to shoot.

Nick:
A gun?

Juliette:
No, a bow and arrow. Yes, a gun.

Adalind:
Why is this so important to you?

Sean:
It's important to you, too. A Grimm on the other side isn't good for either one of us.

Adalind:
So, why am I not going after *him*?

Sean:
Because the way to a man's soul is through his friends.

Hank:
Why would these guys kill a shopkeeper for some herbs and spices that aren't even illegal? That just doesn't make any sense.

Nick:
[lifts coffee cup] Well, there are plenty of legal substances that will still fry your brain.

Rosalee:
How do you do this?

Nick:
Well, we start with last known addresses, see if we can find them or somebody who knows them...

Rosalee:
I mean you, as a cop. And the people you work with have no idea?

Nick:
Well, I do what I can do.

Rosalee:
I don't envy you. It's not easy living two lives.

Sgt. Wu:
Oh, cookie. Did you bring enough for everyone?

Hank:
No

Sgt. Wu:
My mother made the best cookies on the block. She shared them with everyone and they *loved* her for it. [Hank just stares at him] All right, I'll go cookieless.

Monroe:
This cop you sent down here is in really bad shape. I mean, he just walked in and collapsed, and his whole face looks like a volcano that's about to explode.

Nick:
Are you sure you're okay?

Sgt. Wu:
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Don't remember much. I went to that shop like you wanted. Woke up here. Had some weird-ass dreams. Clearly, I'm going to need a facial.

Monroe:
[offering flowers] Now, I know it's not equal trade for my life. But I just wanted to say I'm glad you know how to clock a dude with a brick.

Title Card:
Sing my precious little golden bird, sing! I have hung my golden slipper around your neck.

Monroe:
I have a bikram class at 6 a.m. and hot yoga on too-little sleep is how groin-pulls happen.

Nick:
Look, I'm sorry. You know, this wasn't part of my weekend plans. Hey, how was hot yoga? You pull a groin or anything?

Monroe:
My groin is fine, thank you.

Monroe:
Molly, my girlfriend from high school, left me for a klaustreich, so I might be a wee bit riled up about them. He told her he loved her. He got her pregnant. She ended up delivering his litter at prom. Her parents were not thrilled.

Juliette:
I can't believe you remember what we had on our first date.

Nick:
How can I forget that? That's the most expensive date I ever had in my life.

Juliette:
Not if you add in what happened after that.

Nick:
Ooh. Yeah, or after that.

Timothy Steinkellner:
Are you insane?

Nick:
Well, I'm in the woods, I just cut a golden egg out of a girl's neck, you tell me.

Title Card:
Forgive me for the evil I have done you; my mother drove me to it; it was done against my will.

Rosalee:
It's got to be a potion of some kind. How else would a human fall in love with a hexenbiest? They're not exactly the lovable type.

Monroe:
Kinda hot, though. [Rosalee gives him a look] I mean, if you go for that obviously hot thing, because I don't.

Sgt. Wu:
Gentlemen... and you two as well. [Nick and Hank stare] Waits for laugh. Doesn't get it.

Adalind:
All I know is this is gonna get ugly.

Catherine:
Don't worry. You do ugly so well.

Nick:
Adalind. I think it's time we settle our differences... violently.

Sean:
I was doing just fine 'til I had a gun pressed to my neck by a man I've known nearly 20 years.

Thomas Woolsey:
It's nothing personal sir.

Sean:
I know, Woolsey, but I'm taking it that way.

Thomas Woolsey:
No hard feelings, sir. Your privilege.

Title Card:
Perhaps some accident has befallen him, said the king, and the next day he sent oud two more huntsmen who were to search for him.

Edgar Waltz:
You may think I'm a monster, but what I am is necessary. No society would survive without order. Free thought is not free. There's no such thing as revolution. The oppressed always become the oppressors and the cycle repeats itself over and over. The only way to win is to stay out of the cycle.

[Rosalee stares at him impassively.]

Edgar Waltz:
You don't understand a word that I've been saying.

Rosalee:
...I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Edgar Waltz:
How is it they allow a Lausenschlange to serve food?

Quinn:
[Scared] Hundjager. What do you want?

Edgar Waltz:
A dead man. [Shoots him]

Sgt. Wu:
Apparently the gunman crossed the street here. Fired three times. Hence, broken car window, the defacing of our friendly visitor greeting. Best guess is bloodstain belongs to bullet number three.

Nick:
[Writing in the Grimm diaries] "The Klaustreich I came in contact with was aggressive, predatory and... a real ass." I can't write that. What's the word? "Mean"? No. "Catty"? [laughs] Big no... Got it. "Sadistic and treacherous."

Sean:
I don't care if you are working for the Verrat. The next time you let yourself into my home uninvited, I will shoot you. In self-defense, of course.

Juliette:
I heard about you and Adalind.

Hank:
We were together for about half a cup of coffee. I don't know what happened, where it came from, but I'm glad it's over.

Juliette:
Well, between you and me, she was definitely not good enough for you.

Hank:
If she wasn't a lawyer, I'd think she roofied me.

Juliette:
What?

Hank:
I woke up, she was gone. And these two other people who were in the room with me. It's more than I want to get into.

Ian Harmon:
Are you always this animated?

Monroe:
Well, you made me miss my yoga.

Edgar Waltz:
I want Ian Harmon, you can find him.

Nick:
So you can murder him.

Edgar Waltz:
You're a Grimm. I'm a Hundjager. We're not friends, but, uh, we've always been... How shall I put it - allies of convenience.

Nick:
Not around here we haven't.

Title Card:
Wait! the troll said, jumping in front of him. This is my toll bridge. You have to pay a penny to go across.

Nick:
[about why Monroe can't meet Juliette] Monroe, name one aspect of our relationship that we wouldn't have to lie about.

Monroe:
You're right. All the time we spend together, all the sneaking around. God, it suddenly seems so wrong.

Nick:
Listen to me. I need to find Arnold if I'm ever going to bring this guy.

Bud:
Okay. Okay, if Arnold's hiding, I might know where. If I'm right, I'll come to your house and carve a small series of numbers on the porch steps. The odd numbers will mean that...

Nick:
Or just call me.

Bud:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that would work too.

Parliamentary Officer #1:
All those in favor of the witness coming forward? All opposed? I move to request that the Grimm does not cut off our heads for opposing him on this question.

Title Card:
And they lived happily ever after.

Monroe:
God, there is some amazing stuff in this trailer. Do you have this place insured?

Nick:
Well, that would mean having to admit that it existed, so...

Monroe:
Ah. Yes, there's that.

Monroe:
I got it! I got the device! Am I too late? Oh, no, I can't be too late, you're still alive. That's a good thing.

Monroe:
It's a legendary liminal being.

Nick:
And that means what?

Monroe:
Well, its two distinct states of existence simultaneous within one physical body. The duality of humanity. The yin and the yang. The Ike and Tina Turner of it all.

Title Card:
He stripped off his skin and tossed it into the fire and he was in human form again.

Nick:
[after Monroe says something in German] That sounded really beautiful. What does it mean?

Monroe:
"Everything has an end. Only the sausage has two." My father used to say it when anyone died.

Hank:
These wounds look like they were made by an animal. Maybe a wolf.

Nick:
I don't know. If these footprints were what Tom and Juliette followed from the horse attack, I'm thinking whatever did this was human.

Sgt. Wu:
The answer's obvious. The murders were committed by a barefoot man carrying a wolf.

Constantine Brinkerhof:
I would love to talk to you about your identity issues sometime.

Nick:
Thanks, I'm good.

Constantine Brinkerhof:
Are you? You can only walk in darkness so long. Sooner or later the inner man emerges for all to see. It's never a question of if, only when.

Rinaldo:
Anyway, the way I feel, miracle cure might be worse than the disease.

Monroe:
That reminds me of Larry's old joke, remember? "What's the best way to help a friend quit drinking?"

Rinaldo/Monroe:
Tear his arms off!

Monroe:
Do you know what people do to things they can't explain? I don't want my house torched, man. And I don't want crosses burned at my front yard. I'm just saying this is how legends end up killing innocent people!

Monroe:
Larry, you fought the good fight. And for guys like us, it's a battle we fight every day of our lives. I don't know what went wrong for you, man, but we are going to find out. Rest in peace, brother.

Title Card:
It shall not be death, but a sleep of a hundred years, into which the princess shall fall.

Nick:
[about Adalind] She's a witch, okay?

Juliette:
You're going to need to try a little harder, Nick. What? Does she ride a broom? Because I distinctly remember her getting into a BMW.

Nick:
Here goes. I can see things that...

Juliette:
[interrupts] That what?

Nick:
That most people can't.

Juliette:
You mean, like, ghosts?

Nick:
No, no. Not the dead.

Juliette:
Well, that's good.

Monroe:
Maybe it just doesn't like me. Bludbad and housepets don't really mix. Except, you know, as the occasional between-meal treat.

Nick:
And they were able to keep him alive?

Monroe:
Uh, yeah. Just long enough to draw and quarter him. Which is actually not as easy as it seems. You need a lot of ropes and chains and, like a minimum of four horses. And all you need is some schlaftrunk.