Chris Rock: Bigger & Blacker

Chris Rock:
Doctors don't cure sh*t! They don't cure sh*t! The last disease doctors cured was polio, when's the last time you met someone with polio?

Chris Rock:
"Why weren't you at work today?" "Oh, my polio's actin' up again!" They don't cure sh*t!

Chris Rock:
When I was a kid, I had to be near-death to see a doctor, so my daddy got into the habit of putting Robitussin on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!

Chris Rock:
Daddy, I got asthama! "Well here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I got cancer! "Here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I broke my leg! "Here, put some Robitussin on it... that's right, let the Robitesum sink in there."

Chris Rock:
I took the AIDS test... passed it... with a 65! Now, the scary thing about the AIDS test is that when you take it, you don't get the results back for FIIIVVEE days, and in those five days you start reflectin'. You start reflectin' on every single piece of dirty, disgusting little sex you've ever had! Oh my God, 1993, what the f*** was I thinkin'? Then, you start callin' people up to see if they still alive!

Chris Rock:
Yeah, hello, is Stacy there? "This is Stacy." CLICK! Hello, is Tammy there? "Oh, Tammy dead." Well, what happened? "... she got hit by a bus." OH, THANK THE LORD!

Chris Rock:
Can you believe this? Kids from the Make a Dream Come True Foundation want their last wish to be a lap dance?

Chris Rock:
Tell me, little boy, do you wanna' go to Disneyland? "No, I want big ol' titties in my face!"

Chris Rock:
Cracka'! Cracka'-ass cracka'!

Chris Rock:
There are three types of women in the world: A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick.

Chris Rock:
Hillary Clinton's the first lady! She should've been the first one on her knees to suck Bill's dick!

Chris Rock:
Do you know how dumb you got to be to get left back in the first grade? It's like, what's four plus four? Jell-O!

Chris Rock:
When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.

Chris Rock:
The most racist people are old black men! He went through real racism back them. He couldn't go through that "I-can't-get-a-cab" thing. Back then, he WAS the cab! A white man jump on his back, "Main Street!"

Chris Rock:
When I was a kid, that's all we had was Robitussin. Whatever you got, Robitussin better handle it. I broke my leg once, daddy poured Robitussin all over it.

Chris Rock:
Yeah, boy! Let that 'tussin get in there. Let that 'tussin go down to the bone! If you run out of it, put some water in the jar, shake it up, more 'tussin! MORE 'TUSSIN!

Chris Rock:
What does daddy get for his hard work? The big piece of chicken at dinner! My mamma would kill us if one of us ate the big piece of chicken by accident!

Chris Rock:
What the... you ate the big piece of chicken! Oh, lord no! Now I gotta sew up some chicken! Give me two wings and a porkchop, daddy won't know the difference!

Chris Rock:
Guys, have you ever been with your lady in bed and you both talkin' dirty then you say somethin' that got you kicked out of bed. Where the woman's like "F*** me! Harder, harder, harder! F*** me daddy! F*** me! F*** me! Spank me! F*** me!" "Alright, ya ho!" "Who're you callin' a ho? Who da f*** are you callin' a ho? Untie me!"