Mr. Mom

Jack Butler:
I yelled at Kenny for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows. I'm liking them. I'm losing it!

Jack Butler:
You wanna beer?

Ron Richardson:
It's 7 o'clock in the morning.

Jack Butler:
Scotch?

Ron Richardson:
Yeah? Are you gonna make it all 220?

Jack Butler:
Yeah. 220... 221, whatever it takes.

Jack Butler:
Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.

Jack Butler:
Honey, you gave me some real good advice once, so let me give you some of my own. It's real easy to forget what's important, so don't."

Jack Butler:
I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.

Jack Butler:
Kenny, don't paint your sister!

Doris (TV Repairwoman):
Are you crazy? You don't feed a baby chili!

Caroline:
Do you want to go over the list one more time?

Jack Butler:
No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.

Doris (TV Repairwoman):
Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?

Jack Butler:
I don't know.

Doris (TV Repairwoman):
Your wife says you do.

Jack Butler:
Well, she ought to know... come on in...

Alex:
Wow, what a house!

Jack Butler:
Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.

Caroline:
Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.

Jack Butler:
Eh... hand me down.

Jack Butler:
Your Mom calls the vacuum cleaner "jaws"?

Caroline:
You should take pride in some of that FAT, Porky!

Joan:
Can I give you a hand?

Jack Butler:
You can give me two I don't know what the hell I'm doing

We were no where near aisle 13!

Jack:
Me and my wife went to the movies the other day, we saw Rocky. While I'm watching it, I'm thinking 'This guy has taken some falls you know.

Auto Worker 1:
Which Rocky was it? 1 or 2, or 3?

Jack:
I don't know. Three I guess. But...

Auto Worker 2:
Hey, did the guy have a mo-hawk like Mr. T?

Jack:
OK forget Rocky. The point is... when you're down, not not exactly out... I mean, I mean you gotta hang tough... I don't know.

Auto Worker 1:
Well Hang tough baby! Do what Rocky would do! [Jack walks out] He didn't see Rocky.

Jinx:
[talking about the lay-off] You're not exactly walking out of here empty handed. You got your pension and I'll give you this month's gas money.

Larry:
There's only one more thing I want.

Jinx:
What?

Larry:
DISABILITY!

[goes to window and tries to open it and jump out but is grabbed by Jack]

Jinx:
Hey keep that sense of humor it'll do you good.

[Larry rushes at him and attempts to strangle him]

Annette:
[as Jack is driving away from the supermarket] He's married!

Joan:
So were we once!

Jack:
My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.

Caroline:
Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?

Jack:
Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?

Caroline:
Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.

[Jack takes the bedspread, pillow and a pizza slice before heading out]

Caroline:
I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?

Jack:
[Eating pizza before going] I'm goin' downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.

[Jack leaves the room]

Caroline:
Yeah, well be sure to take pride in some of that FAT, Porky!

[Caroline slams the door]

[Caroline has shot Jack in his fantasy]

Ron:
Wow! What did you use? A .38?

Caroline:
.38... .39, whatever it took.

220, 221, what ever it takes.

Jack Butler:
[to Jinx] You yell at my kid like that again, I'm knockin' you out!

Annette:
Hello Jack? I'm Annette. You're doing it wrong.

‘My dad… he was watching the Bob Hope Desert Classic and went freaking nuts and kicked in the freaking tv screen. You think i got a case against Bob Hope..?”