Cake Boss

Frankie Amato Jr.:
You know, I was watching a movie last night. It was a pirate movie.

Buddy Valastro:
Oh, yeah?

Frankie Amato Jr.:
It was rated Arrrrrrrrrr.

[Mama walks in on siblings Buddy and Mary having a heated argument]

Herself - Buddy's Mom:
MAMA [immediately to Mary S] Hey, I wanna know: What did you do THIS time?

Himself - Cake Boss:
There's a lot of kids in this family. Every time we think we're done, another one comes out.

Himself - Cake Boss:
Who wants to eat some cake?

[the wives present their husbands Italian swimwear]

Himself - Cake Boss:
You guys are crazy if you think we're going in these... BANANA hammocks.

Himself - Cake Boss:
Chi vuole mangiare questo torta?

[translation:
Who wants to eat some cake?]

Mike the Referee:
Welcome to the wrestling room. We got a great match for you guys today. In this corner we got Robert weighing at 152 pounds! And in this corner, weighing somewhere between 100 and 300, we've got Frankie!

Buddy Valastro:
[narrating] So my envisionment for this Marie Antoinette cake is to have, like, a pile of french pastries and then this six-tiered grand cake that's gonna go right to the sky, and each tier's gonna have a different pattern with all delicate piping. We're gonna hand-paint some gold detail all over the cake, then we're gonna top this cake off with Marie Antoinette's head on the top of the cake. If he wants to cut it off, that's his problem.

Buddy Valastro:
[to Anthony] You're making cupcakes good - I wanna give you props for that - but you still don't know cots about pastries.

Buddy Valastro:
[stepping back form the Marie Antoinette cake] Okay, guys, I say "Let them eat cake."

Himself - Cake Boss:
You know, I gotta hand it to them. They're not as dumb as they look.

Herself - Cake Consultation Customer:
Well, first of all, I'm Miss Richfield 1981 from Richfield, Minnesota, where butter's a spice and gravy's a beverage.

Himself - Cake Boss:
[to the camera] She pulls out a saw, she puts the thing between her legs, and she starts playin' "Silent Night." I mean, it was the most weird and beautiful thing I ever heard in my life.

Himself - Cake Boss:
You two dirty dogs. The hell's you two doin'?

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
What?

Himself - Cake Boss:
Checkin' out my customers like that?

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
What?

Himself - Stretch The Delivery Boy:
Let us go on the delivery.

Himself - Cake Boss:
It's embarrassing.

Himself - Stretch The Delivery Boy:
Come on!

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
Let us go on the delivery.

Himself - Stretch The Delivery Boy:
Come on, how bad could it be?

Himself - Cake Boss:
I'm not runnin' a friggin' dating service. This isn't The Love Connection.

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
I'm takin'... I'm workin.' I'm takin' the cake. I just wanna see twenty girls...

Himself - Cake Boss:
Listen, I'll think about it, all right? Maybe. MAY-BE.

Himself - Stretch The Delivery Boy:
We're goin.'

Himself - Cake Boss:
Maybe.

Himself - Stretch The Delivery Boy:
We're goin'.

Himself - Cake Boss:
Maybe.

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
For twenty girls, I'm in.

Himself - Cake Boss:
For this chocolate dream cake, the first thing we have to do is start making all four fillings, so I had Mauro whip up a batch of his famous peanut butter cup filling. Danny and Frankie helped out by chopping up chocolate bars into chunks for the Hershey filling. Mauro made the filling out of York Peppermint Patties, and he mixed an Almond Joy filling using real almonds and real flakes of coconut. The only problem is - my guys are eatin' more than we're using! Ohhhhhhhh!

Herself - Buddy's Mom:
Now let's... let's look alive! What are youse, all dead?

Himself - Cake Boss:
Come on! Eat, you fat bastards!

Herself - Buddy's Wife:
Don't work too hard.

Himself - Cake Boss:
It's too late for that.

Himself - Cake Boss:
[in Italian] Who wants to eat this cake?

Himself - Cake Boss:
All right, she's screwed, she's glued, she's ready to go!

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
What did the doctors say exactly to do?

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
Walk and exercise. You gotta start nice and easy, you know what I'm sayin'?

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
Yeah.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
[coming to a pizza parlor] Woo, pizzeria!

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
Don't even look!

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
Why? I can't have a slice?

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
No, 'cause that's the whole point of doin' THIS?

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
That's my boy! You're lookin' out, right?

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
Once in a while you can have that stuff.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
Nah, once in awhile.

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
Not every day for lunch...

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
No.

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
...like you have every day.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
No more pizza, though.

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
No more pizza.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
You gotta stay away from pizza, you gotta stay away from salt, from sugar... you know that?

Himself - Mauro and Maddalena's Son:
[considering the avoidance of sugar] Let's not go THAT far.

Himself - Cake Boss:
[narrating] I'm almost like a city planner, building this cake. I'm planning out the way this city should flow. Maybe the city should hire ME.

Himself - Cake Boss:
You know me. I'm shy. I don't like to get up on stage but - oh, what the hell - let's go.

Himself - Cake Boss:
[narrating] Me and Mauro get to Coney Island. We pull up on the beach. It's freakin' freezing. There's snow on the beach. It was like below zero, it's so cold. These guys are, like, in their shorts and stuff. I'm cold just lookin' at 'em.

Himself - Cake Boss:
Good job, Sal.

Sal Picinich:
It's a good idea. Okay.

Himself - Cake Boss:
[to Frankie] And no thanks to youse.

[Anthony announces he's not asking Danny's permission to take out his daughter]

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
That's very disrespectful.

Himself - Lil Frankie:
[to Danny] You're gonna let him talk to you like that?

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
[to Anthony] If you were in Italy, they would have been draggin' you with a donkey across the piazza already.

Himself - Cake Boss:
These ovens have been breaking down, on and off, for the last few weeks, and I had planned to replace them next month, but this is the final straw.

Himself - Cake Boss:
To get these ovens upstairs in the bakery, we're gonna have to cut a hole in the side of the building. I mean, it's gonna be a huge project, but at the end of the day we're gonna have new ovens, baby.

Himself - Cake Boss:
All right, kids! Who wants to eat some peanut-butter and jelly cake?

Himself - Cake Boss:
I mean, it's the busiest time of year and the most fun because everybody pulls together and we're one big famiglia. I love Christmastime.

Cookie Monster:
What you do for a living? Why you wearing that white shirt?

Himself - Cake Boss:
I'm a baker.

Cookie Monster:
You what?

Himself - Cake Boss:
I make cookies for a living.

Cookie Monster:
Me prayers have been answered!

Mary Pelzer:
Holy Crow!

Himself - Buddy's Brother-in-Law:
You gotta HAVE style first before you can change it.

Himself - Cake Boss:
So there's a rumor goin' around Hoboken that Frank Sinatra's favorite pastry was a lemon pasticciotto.

Man:
What's a... What's a pasticciotto?

Himself - Cake Boss:
Basically, it's-it's an Italian short dough, and then it's filled with, like a lemon cream, and then it's got a top on it, and we bake it in a little form, and it's really, really good. I would love to maybe make some lemon pasticciotto and bring them along, too. It can't kill nobody, right?

Himself - Cake Boss:
[narrating] To get the effect of the silhouette, I'm gonna have Juan paint on dots to look like lights. It's gonna look just like the silhouette onstage. That's gonna help bring Frank's shape out. So, Juan's our new decorator. He's a friend of Ralphie Boy's. He's really good on the artistic side. It's really hard, 'cause you gotta get those dots just perfect, okay, to really look like Frank Sinatra.

Himself - Cake Boss:
You know, ever since Stretch left for school, we're been a little light on the delivery staff, so I asked Joey's son Robert to come help us out.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
Dude, this is not "overbaked." This is WAY overbaked. They're burnt.

Himself - Buddy's Cousin:
I don't think it's THAT bad.

Himself - Buddy's Right Hand Man:
Are you crazy? My wife's gonna see this. She's gonna shove the whole pan down your throat.

The Green Knight:
I'm looking for Buddy, the baker.

Herself - Buddy's Second Oldest Sister:
Do you have an appointment with Buddy?

The Green Knight:
I do not have an appointment with Buddy, but I do have THIS.

The Green Knight:
[indicating his drawn sword held before him] Does that help?

Herself - Buddy's Second Oldest Sister:
Okay, yes.