Esperando la carroza

Elvira:
[criticising her neighbour] I cook Puchero, she cooks Puchero; I cook ravioli, she cooks ravioli. What a country!

Elvira:
[to her daughter] You mental handicapped! Who taught you to leave the phone unhooked?

Matilde:
Nobody! I learned myself.

Sergio:
[to his wife, after hearing his daughter speaking loosely about sex] Elvira! Do you hear what she's saying?

Matilde:
I'm just talking about natural things!

Sergio:
Nobody talks about natural things in my house!

Antonio:
[in the car, eating an empanada he picked up from some very poor relative's house] What misery! What misery! Do you know what did they have for lunch?

Sergio:
[looking at the empanada Antonio is eating] Empanadas.

Antonio:
Three of them. It broke my heart! Three leftover empanadas from last night's dinner for two people! God, how little you can do to help people!

Elvira:
Who does recognize their own mother by the shoes only? What a family! And here we are all dying of pain as idiots!

Nora:
I adore children! That's probably why God made me sterile.

Nora:
[when Elvira is trying to take her sunglasses off] No! Not my sunglasses! I hate noon's sunlight.

Elvira:
Oh, right...

[to Sergio, her husband, as she leaves]

Elvira:
Sergio! take care of the 'drinks'

[in English]

Nora:
[ironically, to Sergio] 'Drinks'? Those language lessons seem to be paying off.

Sergio:
Yes, she already learned how to say 'No' in four different languages.

Susana:
[fighting with her sister-in-law in front of Nora and Matilde] If I only used those three stupid reasons you just mentioned to say one only little thing that I happen to know...!

Elvira:
What do you have to say?

Susana:
Oh... nothing.

Elvira:
[mocking her] 'Oh... nothing'! Don't give me now the 'Oh... nothing'! Or do you think you are going to spoil my reputation as you just spoiled my carpet! And don't stay standing there like a Greek mummy, sowing the seed of doubt in Nora and Matilde. If you have something to say... just spit it out!

Elvira:
[to Nora at the funeral, listening some people crying about Mama Cora was too young to die] The 'Petite Emilia'! The things you have to hear! Did you hear that? The old woman was almost 80! What did they want? That she reached 100? If I get to live only one more day after my 80th birthday, I kill myself! I swear!

Nora:
That's what she did.

Elvira:
Oh... That's what she did, you're right!

Elvira:
[fighting loudly with her husband]... hey, hey, hey, don't take flight since you're not a kite! And stop yelling at me if you don't want me to go for help to the nun's convent!

Nora:
[standing up, sick of the shouting] Oh, no! no! I'm leaving! I can't no longer cope with this! In my house nobody ever raised his voice, not even to say 'good morning', so, I believe you are all very kind and very lovable, but I'm leaving... [to Antonio, her husband] Antonio!

Antonio:
[reading the newspaper, with a bored expression] Nora, what happens now?

Nora:
[leaving the house, followed by everyone else] My nerves aren't made of steel! My problem is not that I'm sensitive, I'm hyper-sensitive!

Elvira:
[outside the house] What a heat! It's so hot! That must be why nobody came to the funeral. We would have had much more success if the old woman died in winter... and on a work day!

Nora:
You're right.

Elvira:
[hanging up the phone] Well, it seems we've gotten the wrong corpse!

Emilia:
What?

Elvira:
The woman we've been mourning all day is not your mother! It's a hungarian woman who commited suicide and left a note saying so. Her daughter is coming here to pick up the corpse. But why? I say, why these communists can't stay in their own country?

[last lines]

Elvira:
...what are you laughing about?

Susana:
I'm laughing about you...

Susana:
[looking at the camera]

Susana:
I'm laughing about all of us.

Susana:
[crying about their mother-in-law who seems to have commited suicide] This is horrible... Jorge will never forgive me.

Elvira:
Oh, he will. He's a poor, spineless man.

Susana:
[sobbing] I will never forgive myself.

Elvira:
Oh. That's a whole different thing... If you have any reasons to feel guilty...

Susana:
And you? What is it you do so you don't feel remorse?

Elvira:
Me? Nothing. I do what I am supposed to do, try not to be unfair to people...

Nora:
Yet me, who are the less guilty of us all, I'm full of aweful remorses!

Elvira:
Why less guilty? You are as innocent as I am!

Nora:
Elvira, I wouldn't like to put my finger on an open sore... but in the end you and Sergio are living in what used to be Mama Cora's house. And these are her furnitures!

Nora:
[to Susana] When will you visit us with the litlle baby? The garden is so wonderful. The landscape is so inspiring. You must come! When will that be?

Susana:
[cynically] Whenever you invite us...

Nora:
Tomorrow!... No, not tomorrow... Next Tuesday!... No, next Tuesday won't work either... Next Wednesday!... Next Wednesday, I'll phone you and we'll settle the day up. The baby will be able to sunbath there, run through the meadows...

Susana:
She doesn't run yet.

Nora:
Well... I imagine she breathes at least!

Elvira:
[to her in-laws] What are you doing here? Who called you here? I surely didn't! Has anyone by any chance heard my voice calling you?

Susana:
We came to see you, because we believe you are the one who wears the trousers in this house, and we know the rock you have as heart!

Elvira:
You, of all people dare to talk about my heart? You! Who didn't hesitate in sending away a poor old martyr lady to the street just because she ruined a f... ing mayonnaise?

Susana:
Nobody sent her away!

Susana:
I'm a very discreet person, Nora. I've always known about your affair with Sergio and never said a word, you see.

Nora:
[outraged] That's a lie! That's infamous!

Susana:
I've known it for two years. Don't deny it, Nora. I myself saw both of you, leaving a motel. You were wearing a black scarf and dark sunglasses.

Nora:
You... you must be confused! What you saw was a woman wearing a black scarf, black sunglasses and a black cloak...

Susana:
I didn't mention a cloak...

Susana:
[remembering]

Susana:
That's right! Now I remember, you were wearing a black cloak, too!

Nora:
[crying] But... It's all over now!

Elvira:
[to a friend of her daughter] What a nice little dress! You look just like a model! Now go inside the house and stay with Matilde for a while, she's so shocked.

[after the girl enters the house]

Elvira:
What a horrible creature! She looks like her father with every day that passes!