On Again-Off Again

William Hobbs:
C'mon, drink your milk. It'll make your hair curly.

Claude Horton:
I hate curly hair. I don't even like rosy cheeks!

William Hobbs:
The servants have all quit.

Claude Horton:
You're crazy!

William Hobbs:
There they go, takin' the bus...They said they wouldn't work for a stupid-lookin' egg like you.

Claude Horton:
And you let 'em call me a stupid-looking egg?

William Hobbs:
Well, there is a resemblance, sir.

Claude Horton:
That'll cost you one hundred dollars.

William Hobbs:
You better make it two hundred.

Claude Horton:
Two hundred?

William Hobbs:
I told them what I thought you looked like.

William Hobbs:
I can't have Florence see me like this!

Claude Horton:
Still thinkin' about Florence? I thought my wife was your big interest.

William Hobbs:
Your wife?...why that frowsy-lookin' frump!

Claude Horton:
Frowsy-lookin' frump, eh? That'll cost you ninety dollars.

William Hobbs:
90?

Claude Horton:
I'm knocking off 10 percent because I agree with you!

William Hobbs:
I'm just beginning to realize what a racket this butlering is. Why don't you become a butler? The rest'll do you good.

Claude Horton:
Hobbs, as your master, I insist that you be miserable!

Claude Horton:
So, my haughty lady...I'm not good enough for you, eh?

Nettie Horton:
Well, it finally dawned on you.

Claude Horton:
So you admit that you've been carrying on with the butler!

Nettie Horton:
Which butler?

[Horton slaps butler Hobbs in the face]

William Hobbs:
What's that for?

Claude Horton:
That's for calling me a mongoose.

William Hobbs:
I called you that weeks ago!

Claude Horton:
Well, I just saw a picture of one in a book...besides, I'm too tall for a mongoose!

William Hobbs:
How much would you charge me to call you a half-witted horse's neck?

Claude Horton:
A half-witted horse's neck? Now let me see...that'll cost you a hundred.

William Hobbs:
Make it $75!

Claude Horton:
What do you think this is...a cut-rate drugstore? One hundred!

William Hobbs:
One hundred for a little thing like that? Why you cheap, chiseling crook!

Claude Horton:
That's the hundred.