Open Season 2

Roberto:
[Seeing Fifi's zit on his tail from being zapped by a bug lighter in his tragic story] It's so pink!

Roger:
[Upon seeing Elliot, who is disguised as an elderly lady] That's Mrs. Schlapiano!

Fifi:
Get lost, old lady! This does not concern you!

Elliot:
As my single life ends, finishes, expires, PERISHES... goes down in a bizarre ball of flames with no survivors!

Boog:
Elliot, relax. Now, let's get a move on, man.

Mr. Weenie:
Yeah. We go to the wedding.

Serge:
Wedding?

[Deni quacks]

Buddy:
Nuptials.

Fifi:
[After being stopped by his owner just as he was about to kill a rabbit near a dumpster] I'm coming, mother.

Charlene:
Oh, Fifi! Will he ever be the old Mr. Weenie we knew and loved?!

Fifi:
We can only hope.

Mr. Weenie:
But I am ze same!

[As he is trying to tell Giselle how he really feels, Elliot is continuously interrupted by birds and Deni]

Elliot:
Why do these birds and ducks suddenly appear every time you're near?! ...Unless, like me... they long to be...

[Deni quacks again, but Elliot ignores him]

Elliot:
...Close to you.

[Boog is proud of Elliot since he finally managed to say, "I do" during he and Giselle's wedding]

Boog:
That's my main man!

Elliot:
[Singing] Close to you!

Boog:
We didn't give up on them hunters when they invaded the forest! We can't give up on our friend Weenie!

Elliot:
The Boogster's right! [Points at Boog]

[Repeated line]

Elliot:
GISEEEEEEEEELLE!!!

[Elliot has accidentally locked Mr. Weenie in the RV during their escape back to the forest so they wouldn't get caught]

Mr. Weenie:
[Banging on the door] Elliot! You fool!

Fifi:
Poor, poor Weenie. Who knows the horrors you've seen?

Mr. Weenie:
Vhat horrors?

Fifi:
Don't worry. We will get through it together.

Mr. Weenie:
Actually, it wasn't zat bad.

Fifi:
I know. It-was-worse. I've been through it, too.

Roger:
[Stunned] Really?!

[Fifi and Roberto enter Pet Paradiso, but Fifi hesitates to go due to the bald spot being exposed on his head]

Roberto:
Come on, Fifi. I think a bald spot makes you look more... sophisticated. Singe is the new pompadour.

Fifi:
Oh, shut up!

Charlene:
Oh, Rufus! [Points] There you are! How's my shinin' star?

Rufus:
Why, Charlene, look at you! Don't you look prettier than a glob of butter on a stack of wheat cakes! Mm-mm-mm!

Charlene:
Oh, goodness me! Thank you, Rufus. Oh, may I?

Rufus:
Well, I'd be much obliged.

[Charlene sniffs Rufus' butt]

Elliot:
Forever and ever?

Ian:
[To Giselle] Still time to change your mind.

Giselle:
Ew! What?!

Mr. Weenie:
[Sees Elliot and the gang coming to rescue him from Bob and Bobbie's trailer] Oh, thank goodness! You've come for me!

Elliot:
No need to worry.

[Repeated line]

Mr. Weenie:
Nein!

Boog:
Look, man. We need Giselle. She's a great tracker.

McSquizzy:
Yeah! And without her, we never would've found Weenie and that giant, tin-canned thing!

Elliot:
[Scoffs] Beginner's luck!

Roberto:
Oh, man, is this good. Hey, Fifi, you want some?

Fifi:
You know, Roberto, those doggy treats are filled with carbohydrates.

Roberto:
And if I could pronounce that word, that would mean what?

Fifi:
It would mean you should stick to the lean proteins, the meats, the poultries. How are you gonna look sitting by the pool?

Roberto:
I don't know. Hot and really happy.

Fifi:
That was rhetorical, moron! Put down the treats! You've eaten enough!

[Fifi licks himself; Roberto shakes himself, having water thrown all over Fifi, who stops licking himself]

Fifi:
I'm... going to pretend I didn't see that.

Roberto:
Hey, Fifi?

Fifi:
Yes?

Roberto:
How long do you think it is 'till we stop? 'Cause I gotta poop.

[Pause for a few seconds, then Roberto farts]

Roberto:
Seriously, I gotta poop, real bad.

Fifi:
I SAID IT WAS GONNA BE A LONG RIDE!! BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN!!JUST LIKE YOU WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT THE ENTIRE LEFTOVER BURRITO GRANDE!!!!

McSquizzy:
[Upon seeing Buddy disguised as Elliot's blue wig; to Giselle, who is disguised as a dalmatian, while McSquizzy is disguised as a chihuahua] Wow! I didn't see him up there, did you?

[At Pet Paradiso, there is a fight between the wilds and the pets; Fifi and Mr. Weenie run by Fifi's owner]

Fifi's Owner:
[Upon seeing Mr. Weenie; gasps] Mr. Weenie?!

[During the musical number for "Close to You"]

Stanley and Roger:
[Singing] La la-la-la-la, close to you

[Stanley backs away from Roger and makes a sick face]

Stanley:
Not *too* close...

Boog:
Come on, Giselle. We gotta stick together out here. We're partners, right?

[Elliot does a long gasp]

Elliot:
[Points at Boog] Boog! You traitor! [Points at Giselle] And you... traitor.. ex!

[Giselle looks offended]

Elliot:
Enjoy your new-found partnership!

Boog:
Oh, come on, Elliot--

Elliot:
I don't need any of you! I'll find Mr. Weenie on my own! [Points at himself] So long!

[Elliot then turns to leave]

McSquizzy:
Hey! You're going the wrong way, ya choob!

Elliot:
[Sarcastically] Oh, thank you very much! This is a shortcu--

[Elliot falls off of a cliff and screams]

Elliot:
I'm okay guys! You don't care.

McSquizzy:
Not really! Was that too harsh?

Elliot:
Isn't this great, Boog?

Boog:
What's great?

Elliot:
Well, not great that Weenie's been kidnapped, but great that we're livin' life on the edge! It's just like old times! Two guys, out on the road!

Giselle:
Hey, guys. Room for one more?

Boog:
For sure!

[At the end of the musical number of "Close to You," Elliot antler cracks off for the second time]

Boog:
Ooh. [A scared Elliot stares wide-eyed at the screen] That just ain't right.

Elliot:
[Frustrated; off-screen] Oh, come ON!

Fifi:
We'll have to see how much damage those insidious wilds have done to him!

Mr. Weenie:
Insidious vilds?! Nein! Ze vild animals are my friends!

[The pets gasp in shock]

All:
Friends?!

Fifi:
Your friends?! Your friends?! It is worse than I chould have ever imagined! Your friends?! It's worse than I could have ever imagined! He's gone... FERAL!

[Roberto, Rufus, and Charlene gasp, wide-eyed]

All:
Feral?!

Roberto:
What's that mean?

Charlene:
Oh, Fifi! What shall we do?!

Rufus:
You heard the lassie! What do we do?

Stanely:
Can he be cured?

Fifi:
Yes, but it won't be pretty. Prepare... the tent.

All:
The tent?!

Roberto:
Not the tent!

Fifi:
Oh yes... the tent.

[While trying to find a way to sneak into Pet Paradiso]

Giselle:
Okay. Who has an idea?

Boog:
I'm a Grizzly. No Biggie! We'll just walk right in! Look, just like that little guy. (points to a rabbit who was near Pet Paradiso)

Alarm:
Wild animal breach! (guards shot tranquilizer darts at the rabbit, knocking him out)

Giselle:
Okay. Who's got the next brilliant idea?

McSquizzy:
Aye, it's easy! We could tunnel our way in!

Serge:
Or we could fly you all in!

McSquizzy:
Oh, there's a great idea. A 1-pound bag of crazy! Liftin' a 1200-pound bag of lazy!

Boog:
What?! I'm 900 pounds!

McSquizzy:
That's crap!

Boog:
Oh, you think you so tough?

[Boog and McSquizzy begin to fight; Boog smacks McSquizzy, and everyone starts overlapping]

McSquizzy:
Come on, is that your best shot?!

Giselle:
Stop it! [Hits Boog's belly] STOP IT!

[Boog and McSquizzy stop fighting]

McSquizzy:
Shove off!

Giselle:
Grow up, you two!

[They groan in disapproval]

Giselle:
Now come on. Let's stay on track.

Boog:
[Disguised as a sheepdog] Elliot! Weenie! Thank goodness you safe!

[Elliot and Weenie both scream; Boog slams them into his chest]

Boog:
Shh! What are you doin'?!

Elliot:
Who are you?!

Boog:
What do you mean?! I'm your best friend!

Elliot:
McSquizzy?

Boog:
McSQUIZZY?! He doesn't even like you!

Elliot:
Look, I'm not talkin' to some random overweight sheepdog about my personal relationships! [Turns away from Boog and crosses his arms]

Boog:
It's me! Boog!

Elliot:
Boog's fat. [slaps Boog's tummy] No way.

Boog:
[Annoyed] Elliot!

Elliot:
Huh? [Turns around] Wow! It is you! Did you lose weight?

Boog:
When did you start thinkin' McSquizzy was yo BFF?

Elliot:
Ooh! Ha ha. Well, you were hibernating. And we were hangin'. Turns out we have a lot in common. We both like nuts.

Boog:
YOU ARE NUTS!!

Mr. Weenie:
[Running up to Boog and grabbing his belly] Stop this insanity! Vere are ze others?!

Boog:
What?! They inside lookin' for you!

Serge:
And they're captured!(Serge and Deni scream at Boog)

Boog:
Oh, come on! Boog!

Serge:
No, Boog's a big fat guy. He's not you.

Elliot:
I know! I thought he was McSquizzy, too!

Boog:
OK, STOP! WOULD YOU ALL STOP?!!

Elliot:
RABBIT FIIIIGHT!!!

[Elliot and Boog are trying to sneak into Pet Paradiso to save Mr. Weenie; Boog is disguised as an Old English Sheepdog and Elliot is disguised as an old lady, with Buddy serving as his blue wig]

Boog:
This is not gonna work!

Elliot:
Don't doubt me, #2 friend. Trust the plan!

Buddy:
Trust the plan!

[As Mr. Weenie is being taken away by his owners Bob and Bobbie]

Mr. Weenie:
NOOO!

Elliot:
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The RV drives off; trying to calm down, Elliot starts panting hardly]

Roberto:
[Upon seeing Buddy in the pets' tent] He's so blue.

Ian:
Oh, and Giselle, there's still some time if you'd rather be served some beefcake instead of the pansy-loaf. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

[During the rabbit fight]

Mr. Weenie:
[Referring to Boog] Let's go find ze fat bär!

Roger:
Stanley, old buddy!

Stanley:
[Sighs] Here we go.

Roger:
Stanley, it's been ages!

Stanley:
Actually, it's been exactly one year, Roger.

Roger:
Really?! It seems like such a long time.

Stanley:
Look, do I have to explain this again, we go to Pet Paradiso every year at the same time, and painfully, we have the same conversation.

Roger:
We do?

Stanley:
Yes! Yes, we do! Is this ringing a bell? [Pause for a few seconds]

Roger:
Stanley, it's been ages!

Stanley:
It's gonna be a long week.

[During the musical number of "Close to You," Roberto is singing to Fifi, who is completely bald and looks humiliated and mad]

Roberto:
[Singing] Da da-da-da-da, close to you

Fifi:
Oh Roberto, that's beautiful!

Elliot:
From this day forward, domestics and wilds will live together... as one!

McSquizzy:
Hey! Does anybody know where we are?!

[Nobody answers]

McSquizzy:
Eh! Didn't think so!

Elliot:
This is a good character-building moment. Elliot, remember you are a wild animal toughing it out! I'll find Mr. Weenie all by myself! I don't need anybody! And I definitely don't need a girlfriend! [Gasps] So what if she tucks me in at night, or listens to my problems? Makes really good pine-cone crunchies, or rubs my head when I have sickies?! CRIMINY, WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOOOOOONE?!?!?!?

[Elliot falls down]

Elliot:
GISEEEEEEELLE!!!!!!

Mr. Weenie:
No! Ze food of oppression! I must be strong!

[Pause]

Mr. Weenie:
Oh, maybe just a taste...

[Weenie goes to take a bite, but immediately refuses]

Mr. Weenie:
Nein!

[Weenie goes to take a bite, but refuses]

Mr. Weenie:
Ja? Nein!

[He continues this]

Mr. Weenie:
Ja? Nein! Ja? Nein!

[Repeated line]

Charlene:
Goodness me!

Fifi:
You know I hate doing this.

Roberto:
But you do it so well. Can you hurry along?

[Fifi walks to his owner and sits on her lap]

Fifi's Owner:
Oh, come here, baby Fifi.

Fifi:
One pit stop, coming up.

[Fifi wretches and barfs on the floor]

Fifi's Owner:
Ohh! Gross! No, Fifi! No!

Elliot:
Have you seen my new horns? They're completely natural!

[Fifi sniffs something and sees a rabbit near a dumpster]

Fifi:
Speak of the Devil. Disgusting.

Roberto:
Oh, no. Not the fuzzy little bunny.

Fifi:
Don't you understand? We must remain vigilant! Even one wild animal among us can send us back to those dark days of anarchy.

Roger:
Ice cream!

Mr. Weenie:
I'm vild!

Stanley:
Hey Fifi! Did you hear they found Mr. Weenie? Isn't that great?

Roger:
Really?!

[Fifi is telling the story of him being scared by wild animals in bushes]

Fifi:
I've lost 2 things that day: My innocence... and my squeaky toy.

Charlene:
[Gasps] Oh, you poor, sweet thing!

Rufus:
That is one sad tale.

Roger:
I want a girlfriend!

Stanley:
Don't interrupt now, please!

[During the musical number of "Close to You"]

Rufus and Charlene:
[Singing] La la-la-la-la, close to you

[They put their faces together and stay like that]

Rufus:
I love this song.

Stanley:
Something's not right here. Do you smell something fishy, Roger?

Roger:
Barracuda!

[Stanley sighs]

Roger:
Stanley, it's the fishies!

Stanley:
[Steps on Roger] Not now, Roger!

[Boog looks at a trailer and then screams]

Giselle:
What is it? [Boog groans in disgust] Use your words. [Boog points to a trailer where a women is grooming her dog] Okay, I see a woman and her dog.

Boog:
Uh-huh. Look again. [Giselle and McSquizzy look again to see that woman has heavy make up, they scream and Boog grabs them to keep them quiet]

McSquizzy:
Oh, I'm gonna have nightmares!

Roberto:
It's not bad. No one will even notice.

[Dog walk by and laugh at Fifi's bald spot]

Fifi:
No one will notice? No one will notice? No one will notice? No one will notice?

Roberto:
Okay.

Fifi:
No one will notice?

Roberto:
Okay.

Fifi:
He noticed. He noticed.

Roberto:
Okay.

Fifi:
I noticed.

Roberto:
Take it--

Fifi:
You noticed.

Roberto:
I heard you.

Fifi:
We all noticed.

Roberto:
I got it.

Fifi:
I noticed!

Roberto:
Forget it. Me and my big mouth.

Roger:
(Weenie is trying to escape from the other dogs.) Weenie you're so fast.

Stanley:
Careful Roger- (Roger gets ran over by Weenie) Too late.