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Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce (October 13, 1925 - August 3, 1966), born Leonard Alfred Schneider, was an American stand-up comedian, writer, social critic and satirist of the 1950s and 1960s. His 1964 conviction in an obscenity trial led to the first posthumous pardon in New York history

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A lot of people say to me, Why did you kill Christ? I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.

– Lenny Bruce

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Communism is like one big phone company.

– Lenny Bruce

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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

– Lenny Bruce

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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

– Lenny Bruce

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I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

– Lenny Bruce

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In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

– Lenny Bruce

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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

– Lenny Bruce

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Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is -- One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.

– Lenny Bruce

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Take away the right to say "f**" and you take away the right to say "f** the government."

– Lenny Bruce

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The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

– Lenny Bruce

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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

– Lenny Bruce

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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

– Lenny Bruce

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The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is what should be. Now, if you're taught to live up to a what should be that never existed -- only an occult superstition, no proof of this should be -- then you can sit on a jury and indict easily, you can cast the first stone, you can burn Adolf Eichmann, like that!

– Lenny Bruce

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The whole motivation for any performer is 'Look at me, Ma.'

– Lenny Bruce

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There are never enough 'I love yous'.

– Lenny Bruce

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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

– Lenny Bruce

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Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

– Lenny Bruce

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When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

– Lenny Bruce

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