7 Days in Hell

[repeated line]

Charles Poole:
Indubitably.

Lily:
Charles was, by far, the thickest person I ever met. It was like talking to a child with brain damage.

John McEnroe:
Nobody wants to end up in prison. But if you do end up in prison, Swedish prison's the way to go. It's a lot like living in a very modern home with mid-century finishes.

Soledad O'Brien:
So, Charles, you're now number two in the world. You're favored to win Wimbledon, which would make you number one. How do you do it?

Charles Poole:
Yeah, well, when I'm playing I serve the ball and the man opposite me on the other side of the court, he plays it back to me. Now, then I try to hit to a place in the court that he's not standing in anymore. And if he manages to reach that and play it back, if it lands short, I run forward and then I try and get it to another place in the court that he's not standing anymore. And sometimes it goes outside of these lines on the side of the court. And if that happens, the ump, he shouts "Out!" and that's... that's very bad if that happens to me. But if it happens to the other player, I really like that.

Soledad O'Brien:
I understand how the game of tennis is played. I guess I meant, what's your overall strategy?

Charles Poole:
Yeah, yeah, indubitably, yeah.

Serena Williams:
It was pretty obvious that he had hidden cocaine in his water bottles... and in his rackets... and in his coke necklace. And even on the lines of the court.

David Copperfield:
Seems crazy now, but you gotta remember this is before cocaine was illegal.

Off-Screen Interviewer:
Cocaine was always illegal.

David Copperfield:
Really?

Edward Pudding:
Oh, we knew he was on cocaine. It's just that in England it's very rude to point things out.

John McEnroe:
You have two men competing in a high-stakes match. One of those men gets hit by a truck. The other man is a licensed big-rig truck driver. But somehow no one thinks to accuse the guy who's a truck driver.

Jim Lampley:
They could theoretically play forever, which is scary for somebody like me who doesn't much like watching tennis.

Lily:
I really did love them both. Charles was so dim... and Aaron was so bad at getting erect.

Sandy Pickard:
It was... [looks directly into camera] Seven days in hell.

Off-Screen Interviewer:
Why are you looking at the lens?

Sandy Pickard:
'Cause I think that would make a good title.

Queen Elizabeth:
[message on answering machine] Charles... It's the Queen. So here's the deal, f*** nut. Stupid f*** slut. You're embarassing your country. Win and I'll make you a knight. I'm totally allowed to. I did it to that bald guy from Star Trek as a joke. Don't let us down anymore. Ok? Stupid f*** slut. I've been drinking...