A Bug's Life

Hopper:
So, where is it? [beat] Where's my FOOD?!

Atta:
I-isn't it up there?

Hopper:
What?!

Atta:
The food was sitting in a leaf on top--

Hopper:
Excuse me?!

Atta:
Are you sure it's not up there?

Hopper:
Are you saying I'm stupid?

Atta:
No.

Hopper:
Well, do I look stupid... to you? Let's just think about the logic, shall we? Let's just think about it for a second. If it was up there, would I be coming down here... to your level... looking for it?!

Atta:
Um...

Hopper:
Why am I even talking to you? You're not the queen. You don't smell like the queen.

Queen:
She's learning to take over for me, Hopper.

Hopper:
Oh, I see, under new management. So it's your fault.

Atta:
No, it wasn't me, it was–

Hopper:
Uh-uh-uh. First rule of leadership - everything is your fault.

Atta:
But-but I–

Hopper:
It's a "bug eat bug" world out there, Princess. One of those "circle of life" kind of things. Now, let me tell you how things are supposed to work. The sun grows the food, the ants pick the food, the grasshoppers eat the food–

Molt:
And the birds eat the grasshoppers. Hey, like the one that nearly ate you, you remember? Oh, you shoulda seen it.

Hopper:
Molt…

Molt:
This blue jay has him halfway down his throat and Hopper... Hooper's kickin' and screamin' and I'm scared. I'm not goin' anywhere near, okay? [Hopper furiously approaches Molt] Aw, come on. It's a great story. [Hopper angrily grabs his antennae] Ow, ow, ow!

Hopper:
[angrily pushes him against a wall] I swear if I hadn't promised Mother on her deathbed that I wouldn't kill you, I would kill you!

Molt:
And believe me, no one appreciates that more than I do.

Hopper:
Shut up! I don't want to hear another word out of you while we're on this island. Do you understand me? [Molt whimpers] I said, do you understand me?!

Molt:
Well, how can I answer? You said I couldn't say another word. [Hopper enraged is about to angrily punch him] Ah, remember Ma!

Hopper:
[furiously turns and angrily punches another grasshopper; calms down becoming reasonable] Hey, I'm a compassionate insect. There's still a few months till the rains come, so you can all just try again.

Queen:
But Hopper, since it's almost the rainy season, we need this time to gather food for ourselves.

Hopper:
Listen, if you don't keep your end of the bargain, then I can't guarantee your safety and there are insects out there that will take advantage of you. Someone could get hurt. [snaps his fingers and calls out Thumper who scares Dot so she runs away but is caught by Hopper] What's the matter, you scared of grasshoppers?

Flik:
Dot!

Hopper:
[picks her up and brings her closer to Thumper] You don't like Thumper? [brings her up face to face with Thumper and he snarls and growls]

Flik:
[steps forward] Leave her alone!

Hopper:
[turns to Flik] You want her? [holds Dot above Flik] Go ahead. Take her. [Flik stands down in fear] No? Then get back in line. [Flik does so] It seems to me that you ants are forgetting your place… so let's double the order of food.

Atta:
No, but-but--

Hopper:
We'll be back at the end of the season... [pulls a skin flake off Molt] ...When the last leaf falls. [lets go of the skin flake, and it slowly drops like a leaf] You ants have a nice summer. Let's ride!

[The grasshoppers all fly away and the entire colony stares at Flik, who chuckles nervously]

P.T.:
We're losin' the audience! You clowns get out there now!

Heimlich:
I hate performing on an empty stomach!

P.T.:
Do your act, Heimlich, then you can eat.

Slim:
P.T., what's the point?

P.T.:
Not now, Slim.

Slim:
What's the point of going out there? They'll only laugh at me.

P.T.:
That's because you're a clown!

Slim:
No. It's because I'm a prop! You always cast me as the broom, the pole, the stick, a splinter!

P.T.:
You're a walking stick! It's funny! Now, Get Ready Go!

Slim:
You parasite.

Fly 1:
[to Francis] Hey, cutie! Wanna pollinate with a real bug? [laughs]

Francis:
[flies up to the pair of flies and takes his hat off] So, being a ladybug automatically makes me a girl! Is that it, flyboy, huh?!

Fly 2:
Yipes!

Fly 1:
She's a guy!

Heimlich:
Francis, leave them alone! They are poo-poo heads!

P.T.:
Not again!

Francis:
Judging by your breath, you must've been buzzin' around a dung heap all day!

Slim:
Come on, Francis. You're making the maggots cry.

Francis:
[his reflection is in Fly 1's eyes] Any time, pal! I'm gonna pick the hairs out of your head one by one!

Fly 1:
Take the best shot!

Francis:
You name the place!

Fly 1:
Oh, yeah?!

Francis:
Yeah, 'cause when you get there, you are dead!

Slim:
Francis, let me handle this. That's no way to speak to a lady.

Francis:
I heard that, you twig!

Atta:
[in the deleted scene] Seems a farewell, in the dislike, Dot.

Hopper:
Guys… order another round, because we're stayin' here! [the rest of the grasshoppers cheer] What was I thinking going back to Ant Island? I mean, we just got here, and we have more than enough food to get us through the winter, right? Why go back? [the music goes back on and the rest of the gang begins to party again] But... there was that ant that stood up to me.

Axel:
Yeah, but we can forget about him!

Barry:
He was just one ant!

[The rest of the gang agrees, mocking the ants about their puny size compared to them]

Hopper:
Yeah, you're right! It's just one ant!

Barry:
Yeah, boss. They're puny!

Hopper:
Hmm, puny. Say, let's pretend this grain is a puny little ant. [throws it at Barry] Did that hurt?

Barry:
Heh! Nope.

Hopper:
Well, how 'bout this one? [throws it at Axel]

Axel:
Are you kiddin'?

[The rest of the grasshoppers laugh]

Hopper:
Well, how 'bout [seriously] this? [pulls the lid off the jar of grain and Axel and Loco are buried beneath the avalanche, then he climbs on top of the grain pile] You let one ant stand up to us, then they all might stand up! Those "puny little ants" outnumber us a hundred to one, and if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life! It's not about food - it's about keeping those ants in line! That's why we're going back! Does anybody else wanna stay?

[The grasshoppers all get ready to fly]

Molt:
[to the grasshoppers] He's quite the motivational speaker, isn't he?

Hopper:
Let's ride!

[All the grasshoppers fly off to return to Ant Island]

Slim:
Ladies and gentlebugs, larvae of all stages! Rub your legs together for the world's greatest bug circus!

[the circus wagon arrives with the circus music playing]

Hopper:
Wait a minute! [music screeches to a halt]

Heimlich:
[nervously] I think I'm going to wet myself.

Francis:
[out of the corner of his mouth] Steady...

Hopper:
What's going on here?

Atta:
Well, uh...

Slim:
Uh, yes. We were invited by Princess Atta as a surprise for your arrival.

Hopper:
Squish 'em. [Slim and Francis gasp; the grasshoppers advance on the circus bugs; Dim backs into the cannon launching Tuck and Roll out of it; they dance in front of the grasshoppers, singing their usual gibberish, then get into a fight] Now, that's funny. [the other grasshoppers sit back in their seats laughing hysterically] I guess we could use a little entertainment. Looks like you did something right for once, Princess.

Atta:
[in the deleted scene] Queen?

Dot:
Mom...

Young Flik:
[offscreen to Mr. Soil] Farewell.

Dot:
Atta.

Atta:
Aphie.

Queen:
Mr. Soil!!

Hopper:
Whose idea was this… huh?! Was it yours, Princess?!

Atta:
Just get behind me, girls. It'll be okay.

Flik:
Leave her alone, Hopper! The bird was my idea! I'm the one you want!

Hopper:
Where do you get the gall to do this to me?

Flik:
You were... you were gonna... squish the queen.

Dot:
It's true.

Hopper:
I hate it when someone gives away the ending.

Hopper:
Well, Princess.

Molt:
Um, Hopper, um, I-I hate to interrupt, but um...

Hopper:
You ants stay back!

Molt:
Oh, this was such a bad idea.

Atta:
You see, Hopper. Nature has a certain order. The ants pick the food, the ants keep the food, and the grasshoppers leave.

Flik:
Go that way!

Atta:
But the anthill's over–

Flik:
I've got an idea!

Atta:
Flik!

Flik:
Come on! There! Come on! We've got to hide! No matter what happens, stay down!

Atta:
Flik! No! What are you doing?!

Flik:
[gasps] Hopper!

Hopper:
You think it's over?

Flik:
No, no, no! No, I-I can explain!

Hopper:
All your little stunt did was buy them time!

Flik:
No, please! Please, Hopper!

Hopper:
[strangles Flik] I'll get more grasshoppers and be back next season, but you won't. [suddenly, a bird looms over them] Well, what's this, another one of your little bird tricks?

Flik:
Yep!

Hopper:
[last words before his death] Are there a bunch of little girls in this one, too? Hello, girls! [the bird shrieks] (IT'S A REAL ONE!!) AAAUGH! [bird jumps in front of him] AAAUGH! AAH! UNH! OOF! AAH-AAH! AAH! NO! NO! NO, NO-NO-NO! NO! AAH! AAH! AAH-AAH! AAH! NO! OH, NO! AAH! OH, NO! NO-NO-NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Heimlich:
[from teaser] Oh, I didn't know the connection. Sorry!

Director:
Market, and... action.

Hopper:
Are you saying I'm stupid?

Atta:
No.

Hopper:
Do I look stupid... to you?

Atta:
[bursts into mildly controlled laughter] I'm sorry. [Hopper shakes his head looking exasperated]

[Another take]

Hopper:
Are you saying I'm stupid?

Atta:
[bursts into slightly more hysterical laughter as Hopper scoffs and pinches the bridge of his nonexistent nose] I'm sorry! I got it. No, no, no, just do it again. I'm fine.

[Yet another take]

Hopper:
Are you saying I'm stupid?

Atta:
Yes! [points at Hopper before doubling over into much more uncontrollable laughter]

Hopper:
[on the verge of tears] This is the 15th take. I cannot work like this. I will be in my trailer.

Atta:
I need a break.

Hopper:
Do you understand me? [Molt whimpers] I said, do you understand me?!

Molt:
Sorry. I'm sorry he looked funny at me. Just lemme have another take.

[Another take]

Hopper:
I said, do you understand me?!

Molt:
[laughs; to the director] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He made me laugh, but please, I'll right this time. Just 1 more.

[Yet another take]

Hopper:
I said, do you understand me?! [Molt laughs]