A Damsel in Distress

Jerry Halliday:
What's today?

Gracie:
Oh, I don't know.

George:
Well, you can tell if you look at that newspaper on your desk.

Gracie:
Oh, this is no help, George. It's yesterday's paper.

Lord John Marshmorton:
Miss Allen, is he coming here tonight, your friend Mr. Halliday?

Gracie:
Oh, well sure he's not coming here and do you know why he's not coming here tonight? Because he wasn't invited, that's why he's not coming here tonight, Lord Marshmallow.

George:
Gracie, it's Marshmorton, not Marshmallow.

Gracie:
That's what I said, Marshmallow.

George:
Look, Gracie, "marshmallow" is soft and mushy.

Gracie:
Oh, please, George! You don't know this gentleman well enough to say that about him.

George:
[to Lord Marshmorton] I'm sorry, would you explain that please?

Lord John Marshmorton:
Certainly. Miss Allen, have you ever seen a toasted marshmallow?

Gracie:
No, but I'm dying to see that. I bet you're a scream!

Gracie:
[Gracie answers the telephone] It's a Hawaiian.

George:
A Hawaiian?

Gracie:
Well he must be. He says he's Brown from The Morning Sun.

Gracie:
It's lots of fun having fun, even if you don't enjoy it!

Gracie:
You know, if it weren't for two things you'd be a terrific dancer.

George:
What's that?

Gracie:
Your feet.