A Lousy 10 Grand

Angry man:
[first lines - waiting in ATM line] What'ya doin', refinancing your house?

Ted Beckerwith:
[into mirror] I'm the stuff legends are made of. Ted Beckerwith, space plumber.

R.J.:
[about his car] I told you to get rid of that thing.

Ted Beckerwith:
What am I going to get for it? Any way I save money on tires.

R.J.:
How do you figure?

Ted Beckerwith:
Only the back ones wear out, cause it's always being towed.

Ted Beckerwith:
Boy, I'm already up to my ass in debt. Just once I'd like to open an envelope that didn't have a window in it.

Kathy Beckerwith:
What about her braces, she has her orthodontist appointment next week. I'm going to have to cancel it.

Ted Beckerwith:
Or you could have him wire her teeth together so she can't eat. It would cut our food budget.

Mr. Hockner:
[dressed as a clown] You know, on the freeway they have a carpool lane for clowns. But if you want to use it, you have to have at least 200 people in the car. [cackles]

Mr Otay:
I now pronounce you man and wife. If you want to kiss the bride, it's up to you.

Najah:
They bombed my car!

Ted Beckerwith:
Don't worry. It probably would have been recalled any way.

Najah:
Too much freedom too fast is almost as overwhelming as none at all.

[last lines]

Kathy Beckerwith:
Ted, for the last time, would you go find the trash cans!