A Rather English Marriage

[after being cut off in traffic]

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
May your balls wither and drop like rotten figs, my friend.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
You are a prissy little tight ass bastard aren't you, Southgate?

Roy Southgate:
If you say so, sir.

Liz Franks:
Reggie, I've done wrong. I can't marry you. I should never have agreed. I'm going away, abroad. Almost at once.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Where are you going?

Liz Franks:
Italy.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Is it some chap you met there?

Liz Franks:
No, it's not a chap. Oh, Reggie, darling, you're very sweet but I'm going to leave you. There's no point in saying sorry or anything. I won't even say that I never would have made you happy. But I'm not a nice person.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Thought we could have children.

Liz Franks:
[delicately] Oh, Reggie, darling, I'm 52.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
That's extraordinary. You look like a young girl to me. Will I see you again?

Liz Franks:
[on the verge of tears] No, I don't think so. But you never know.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
It was that young bloody nephew of mine, wasn't it? Sticking his nose in.

Liz Franks:
It was actually Southgate who put me in the picture. Did it quite tactfully.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Did he? [sigh] Well, it's over now. [pause] You do look lovely Liz.

Liz Franks:
[crying] Please, Reggie, don't go on. I can't bear it.

[Liz kisses Reggie on the cheek, leaving a lipstick smudge. She rubs it partially away with her thumb and stands]

Liz Franks:
Don't see me out.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
What did you tell her? What did you say to her?

Roy Southgate:
Your nephew would have told her if I hadn't. She would have had to find out sooner or later. Only fair she should know. I mean, it's true, isn't it, about the house and that.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Of course it's bloody well true, you bloody idiot, but you didn't have to spill the beans! She's gone now. Left me. Thanks to you, gone abroad. My last chance at happiness!

Roy Southgate:
Perhaps you're better off without her. I mean, she was only after you because she thought you were rich.

Reggie Conyngham-Jervis:
Of course she thought I was rich, you bloody idiot! Why else do you think an attractive girl like that would want to marry me? I never thought she loved me! But by *God* I loved her, Southgate, what do you say to that?