A Walk on the Moon

Marty Kantrowitz:
Sometimes things happen between people that make it impossible for them to stay together.

Alison Kantrowitz:
Are you and Daddy gonna get a divorce?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
I don't know, baby. Sometimes, things happen between people that make it impossible for them to stay together.

Alison Kantrowitz:
Look, Mama, I know Daddy's a big square, but he's still Daddy!

Marty Kantrowitz:
There's no such thing as a nice sixteen year old boy.

Pearl Kantrowitz:
I went to Woodstock.

Marty Kantrowitz:
You went to Woodstock.

Pearl Kantrowitz:
Ummm...

Marty Kantrowitz:
Was it groovy?

Selma Levitsky:
So?

Lilian Kantrowitz:
No.

Selma Levitsky:
"No"? That's what I pay you for? "No"?

Lilian Kantrowitz:
The cards don't lie.

Selma Levitsky:
Maybe they're subject to interpretation.

Lilian Kantrowitz:
Does this look like a "vacation" card?

Daniel Kantrowitz:
Look, hippies.

P.A. Announcer:
The blouse man is on the premises.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Did I want a microscope?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
Once.

Daniel Kantrowitz:
Daddy, can I do "Chuck"?

Marty Kantrowitz:
No "Chuck".

Daniel Kantrowitz:
You never let me do "Chuck".

Marty Kantrowitz:
When you're married you can do "chuck".

Lilian Kantrowitz:
Do you remember when you were a little boy and you wanted to go swimming with your cousin?

Marty Kantrowitz:
Yeah - you didn't wanna let me go because...

Lilian Kantrowitz:
Because I knew something terrible was going to happen. I knew your cousin was gonna drown.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Yeah, but nothing terrible happened, Ma.

Lilian Kantrowitz:
And why is that?

Marty Kantrowitz:
Because I was careful.

Lilian Kantrowitz:
No. Why did nothing terrible happen?

Marty Kantrowitz:
We were extra careful because you told me.

Lilian Kantrowitz:
And your cousin wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for me.

Marty Kantrowitz:
What's goin' on, Ma? Who's gonna drown?

Lilian Kantrowitz:
[pause] You are.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Who is he?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
You don't know him.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Well what's his name?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
Walker.

Marty Kantrowitz:
What's his FIRST name?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
That IS his first name.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Well then what's his last name?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
Jerome.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Walker Jerome. Does he realize it's backwards? What's he do?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
He's a salesman.

Marty Kantrowitz:
[laughs] A salesman, that's great. What does he sell?

Pearl Kantrowitz:
Blouses.

Marty Kantrowitz:
Blouses?

[pauses, then looks shocked]

Marty Kantrowitz:
He's the blouseman. You're screwing the blouseman. Jesus, Pearl, why not screw the dressman? At least then you'd get a whole outfit.

Alison Kantrowitz:
I never have to listen to you ever again. I saw you. I was there. You should have seen yourself. You looked disgusting! I'm the teenager! Not you! You had your chance.

Pearl Kantrowitz:
No. I didn't.

Alison Kantrowitz:
Well then why do the rest of us have to suffer just because you f***ed up your life!

Lilian Kantrowitz:
You see, my shainehkuh. You become a woman, the world looks brighter.

Alison Kantrowitz:
Don't tell Daddy I got my period.

P.A. Announcer:
Long-distance telephone call for Alison Kantrowitz. It's your father! You're a woman now, Alison. Mazel tov, darling. And may you be blessed with a happy marriage and many, many beautiful children.

[Alison, mortified, runs off]