Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man

Lou Francis:
[about graduating] This is the happiest day of my life, how did I ever graduate?

Bud Alexander:
[whispering] I slipped the guy twenty bucks. Now keep quiet.

Lou Francis:
If that's not Tommy Nelson it's Frankenstein. FRANKENSTEIN!

Det. Roberts:
[Tommy Nelson is gone] How did he get out?

Lou Francis:
Installments.

Det. Roberts:
Installments?

Lou Francis:
Yeah, he did a Gypsy Rose Lee, come here!

[they find Tommy's clothes lying about]

Lou Francis:
That, that's all that's left of him.

Det. Roberts:
Evidently Nelson changed clothes... what was he wearing when you last saw him?

Lou Francis:
Air... nothing but air... and then he asked me how he looked.

Det. Roberts:
Wearing air? What are you talking about?

Lou Francis:
I went to shake his hand, his hand was gone, I looked up to speak to him, his head was gone. Then he took off his shirt, his body was gone, he took off his pants, his legs were gone! Then he spoke to me, I was gone.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
I know, you saw this man disappear into thin air. Do you always see things?

Lou Francis:
Only when my eyes are open.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
Did you ever see somebody disappear before?

Lou Francis:
Yes sir, I have.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
This may explain it, seeing things. When did this happen?

Lou Francis:
One day me and my brother were walking down the street... my brother disappeared.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
Into thin air?

Lou Francis:
No, into a man hole.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
How about voices? Do you ever hear strange voices?

Lou Francis:
Yes sir.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
Aha, and when do you hear these strange voices?

Lou Francis:
When I get the wrong number on the telephone.

Dr. James C. Turner, Police Psychiatrist:
[hypnotizing Lou with a watch] Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock...

Lou Francis:
[gasps] You forgot to say the mouse went up the clock!

Bud Alexander:
I told you not to get smart, didn't I? [Taking his coat off] Now, I'll show you who is the boss.

Tommy Nelson:
[Putting Bud's coat back on] No, I'll show you who's boss.

Bud Alexander:
[Looking around] Who said that?

Lou Francis:
The voice is familiar; but, I can't quite place the face.