Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Iago:
You're a good guy, Cassim but not *too* good

Genie:
Geronimo. Arapaho. Pochahantas.

Aladdin:
Where IS he?

Genie:
Hakuna Matata.

Genie:
WHOA. I was having an out-of-movie experience.

Iago:
Allow me to introduce...

Kasseem:
The King of Thieves.

Genie:
All units, we have a Code Red.

Genie:
This report was brought to you by Sand - it's everywhere, get used to it.

Aladdin:
They have nowhere to go. We have them trapped.

Iago:
WE? They are 40 thieves! We are you, a rug, a monkey and me. Don't count me

Aladdin:
They're just standing there!

Cassim:
Open sesame!

(Entrance opens just like in Ali Baba Bunny when Hasaan had trouble saying the right S word)

Aladdin:
Let's move!

Iago:
Whoa! Whoa!

(They make it inside the Thieves hideout)

Aladdin:
I know Carpet it's incredible! What? (Points to Iago)

Iago:
How bad is it?

Iago:
Meet your match, Zorro!

Cassim:
Good birdy Polly want a little

Iago:
Say cracker and I'll let ya have it on principle!

Cassim:
You have a lotta spirit and a lot of mouth

Genie:
And your name is...?

Thor:
[lispy voice] I'm Thor.

Genie:
You're Thor?

Thor:
Well, it hurth.

Genie:
Once again, this whole broadcast has been brought to you by sand! It's everywhere! Get used to it!

Genie:
Observe! [pushes a button on the remote control and a Genie robot appears]

RoboGenie:
You have violated the perimeter of the Aladdin and Jasmine wedding! Prepare to be vaporized. Thank you!

[he fires lasers; Genie, Aladdin, Cassim, and Iago duck]

Genie:
Armed and dangerous! I'd like to see one of those 40 Thieves get within an inch of your wedding.

Iago:
Ahem! Allow me to introduce...

Cassim:
(laughs) The King of Thieves.

Genie:
[shrieks, then calls on a walkie talkie] All units, we have a Code Red!

[he then transforms into dozens of S.W.A.T. troopers, who take up positions around the room, at the same time the area is locked up by sealed doors]

Genie:
(as multiple S.W.A.T. troopers) Code Red! Code Red!

Genie:
(as Scottish men) Come on, boys! Follow me! [all play bagpipes]

Genie:
(as the Lone Ranger) Cavalry, FORWARD! [all Lone Rangers follow him]

Genie:
(as paratroopers jumping out of a plane) Geronimo! Arapaho! Navajo! (as Pocahontas) Pocahontas!

[all the Genies surround Cassim on all sides]

Genie:
Do not attempt to move or we'll be shooting ourselves!

Aladdin:
[tries to push through the Genies] Genie!

Genie:
Back off, Al, this creep's got a yellow sheet as long as my arm!

Aladdin:
Genie, meet my dad.

(all the Genies stare wide-eyed at Cassim)

Genie:
Stand down, men. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

(all the other Genies disappear)

Genie:
(to Cassim, threateningly) If you're Al's dad and the King of Thieves, I just wanna know one thing!

Cassim:
Yeah?

Genie:
(turns into a waiter) Will you be having the chicken or the sea bass?

Iago:
Meet your match, Zorro!

Cassim:
Good birdie. Polly want a little...

Iago:
Say "cracker" and I'll let you have it on principle!

Cassim:
But it's on an island that's never in the same place twice the Vanishing Isle

Iago:
That would be a problem

Aladdin:
What is this ultimate treasure?

Cassim:
The big one, boy. The Hand of Midas.

Aladdin:
It's just a myth.

Cassim:
It's not a myth, boy! It was once right here. Look, there's your proof! From stern to stem, every piece of rigging, every peg and board, all of it...solid gold!

Abu:
Ooooh!

Iago:
Adopt me, daddy-o!

Cassim:
Touched by the Hand of Midas.

Aladdin:
And sunk by it.

Cassim:
You don't understand You don't know what it's like to have nothing to stare up at the palace and know you deserve more to be called "Street Rat"

Al:
Yes I do

Cassim:
I knew exactly what I wanted for my family the best

Thief:
It is a good day to die.

Sa'luk:
Or to come back from the dead.

Cassim:
Who—

Aladdin:
I've come to say "goodbye".

Cassim:
Why are you—

Aladdin:
We don't have much time. While the guards chase me, you get out.

Cassim:
I can't let you—

Aladdin:
Forget it! They can't catch me. (he tosses Cassim the keys)

Cassim:
He even sounds like me.

Genie:
[disguised as an old man] Ooh, in all my years, never have I seen the streets so full of bustle and hustle and assorted commotion!

Razoul:
Our princess is to wed.

Genie:
Ooh, wonderful! And who's the lucky prince?

Razoul:
Not a prince at all. Just a no-account street rat.

Genie:
[in his true form] No way! (grabs Razoul) Try it phonetically. It's...Aladdin! (A neon lit "Aladdin" sign appears as record scratches; blinks out) Aww– some of you don't believe. [Main titles appears, this time in Arabian style, as music resumes and fireworks pops]. (as Tinker Bell) In colour! (giggles)

Genie:
Hmmm, maybe you, you could elope! No, you cantelope, [pulls a cantaloupe from nowhere] But oh Honeydew! [slaps fruit into view, it turns into a Cinderella carriage] I dunno if I should put it in Props or Produce! Please, don't squeeze the tires, they're not quite ripe!

Razoul:
It is tragic, Your Highness, but it appears Aladdin has followed in his father's footsteps.

Genie in Lawyer-form:
I object, your honour! (turns Razoul into a bailiff and the Sultan into a judge) I object to that outrageous statement. And I object to a tertiary character having any lines in my courtroom. (Hands him a suitcase and blasts him out of sight) Take this to a higher court, my good man!

Aladdin:
Genie, I need my father's clothes.

Genie:
Al, c'mon! Why you gonna try on the King of Thieves get-up? Might I suggest something that doesn't actually say "ARREST ME"?! (In black and white prisoner clothes)

Razoul:
This is the spot, men.

Fazal:
But there is nothing here.

Razoul:
Now, but watch. Open caraway!

[the cave doesn't open]

Hakim:
There is still nothing here.

Razoul:
[mutters] When I get a hold of that no good...

Fazal:
But I thought you said it was "open sesame".

[the ground vibrates as the cave opens up, Razoul grins wickedly]

Aladdin:
Where is he?

Genie:
(turns into Pumbaa from The Lion King) Hakuna Matata! (turns back, looks scared) Whoa. I was having an out-of-movie experience.

Aladdin:
[on the Hand of Midas] After all these years, you finally have your treasure.

Cassim:
This thing? No. This wretched thing almost cost me the ultimate treasure. [hugs Aladdin] It's you, son. You are my ultimate treasure. I'm just sorry it took me this long to realize it.

Cassim:
So, you little turkey, come to say goodbye?

Iago:
Nah, I already said my goodbyes. [tears up suddenly] Of course, the monkey had to cry, and that got me going... [lets out a sob as he thinks of having to leave Abu, once his enemy and now his dearest friend]