Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy

Alice:
Oh! It looks like somebody had an accident.

The White Rabbit:
THAT'S a funny thing to call it!

Humpty Dumpty:
Who's she? I've never seen HER before.

Mad Hatter:
She's new in these parts.

Scrugg:
We don't have any towels. We had one once, but it was stolen by a hotel.

The White Rabbit:
She's embarassed - I think she's still a virgin.

Mad Hatter:
Well if that's the case, she should be embarassed. I've never heard of such a thing.

Alice:
Well I'm trying to learn, honestly, but I can't have everything shoved down my throat all at once.

Mad Hatter:
Well I don't see why not.

Alice:
Rocks can't talk.

Rock:
Is that so?

Tweedledum:
Oh, Dee! You're so great! I love you like a brother!

Tweedledee:
Dum, aren't you forgetting? I AM your brother.

Alice:
Well if it feels good, there's a good chance it must be bad.

Mad Hatter:
And after the King's ball comes off, we're eating dinner in the Queen's box.

Alice:
Dinner in the Queen's box?

Mad Hatter:
Well not dinner exactly, it's more like a boxed lunch.

King of Hearts:
[to Alice] May my rod and staff comfort thee.

Queen of Hearts:
I want her head!

Alice:
Please Ma'am, I'm just learning about life, I'm too young to die, don't cut off my head.

Queen of Hearts:
You misunderstand me, doll. I don't wanna cut off your head. I want you to give me some head.

Alice:
Don't you think you should put that thing away?

Mad Hatter:
Certainly not, I just let it out! Don't you like it?

Alice:
Well... Yes, it's very nice.

Mad Hatter:
You may touch it.

Alice:
Oh, I couldn't!

Mad Hatter:
I don't see why not.

Alice:
Well, because it's yours.

Mad Hatter:
[rolling his eyes] I'll share it with you.

Maggy:
What is this?

Alice:
It's my breast.

Maggy:
What is this for?

Alice:
One day, whan I have a baby, it'll have milk in it.

Maggy:
Oh, it's pretty.

Alice:
[Alice finds the book "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll, things] That's funny. I never read this one, when I was a little girl. [now saying to herself] I miss so much. Just about everything

Queen of Hearts:
[Alice is asking for a fair trial] A Trial? Where is it written, that we have to give you a trial?

Mad Hatter:
It says so right here in this book. [showing the King of Hearts and the Queen of Hearts the book "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"]

Alice:
Oh my goodness... Are you all right?... I thought I'd broken it.