Aliens in the Attic

Jake Pearson:
You're gonna need a bigger potato.

Bethany Pearson:
This is so not happening.

Bethany Pearson:
One word and you're dead.

Tom Pearson:
Are you crazy? If dad catches you, kill you.

Bethany Pearson:
Dad is not going to catch me.

Hannah Pearson:
Dad's coming and he's mad.

Tom Pearson:
With who?

Hannah Pearson, Stuart Pearson:
Tom!

Tom Pearson:
Hannah, please next time you ride in the hump, remember?

Hannah Pearson:
I barf in the middle, remember?

Tom Pearson:
You told my Dad YOU'D fix it.

Ricky Dillman:
I told your dad a lot of things. Like, my car broke down, my parents own a lakehouse, I'm 18.

Tom Pearson:
You're not a senior?

Ricky Dillman:
Not in high school.

Stuart Pearson:
If you're smart enough to hack into the school's computer, you're smart enough to pass math.

Stuart Pearson:
I was a brainiac. It worked for me.

Tom Pearson:
I don't want to be like *you*, I want to be cool!

Ricky Dillman:
[to Bethany, under control of the aliens] Step away, hormonal female!

Lee Pearson:
[after the aliens turned off the gravity] What the...

Jake Pearson:
What's happening?

Art Pearson:
Why are we floating?

Lee Pearson:
They turned off the gravity, like in Halo!

Art Pearson:
This isn't Xbox, Lee. It's real! - Like Wii!

Stuart Pearson:
I'm sorry honey, I can't remember, do you want cheese on your burger?

Bethany Pearson:
No, I want to find whoever invent love and hack them up with a machete.

Hannah Pearson:
Sockmonkey!

Art:
This isn't Xbox, Lee. It's real, like Wii.

Tazer:
Yes! My plan is working!

Razor:
"My" plan. You mean "my" plan.

Bethany:
Ricky! Where have you been?

[Tom quietly signals Art to switch Rick back on. Art does so.]

Ricky:
Oh shut up, you little b...Bethany?

Bethany:
What?! [slaps Ricky]

Ricky:
Ow! Why are you hitting me?

Bethany:
Why are you being such a jerk?

Ricky:
Huh?

Tom:
Revenge is so sweet.

Bethany:
I had spent the last minutes looking around the lake! Where were you? [Ricky stutters] That's what I thought. [storms off and Ricky follows]

Ricky:
No! I...I don't know!

Art:
[to Tom] You want me to bring him back?

Tom:
[smiling] Nah. Let him suffer.

Jake:
Where's Ricky? Taken prisoner by the aliens?

Tom:
No, worse. My sister.

Tom Pearson:
Let's go save the planet.

Tom Pearson:
We gotta call 911.

Jake Pearson:
A potato gun? That's your big idea?

Jake Pearson:
Well, whatever it is, we can't let 'em get to it. Everyone, gear up. We move on my command.

Jake Pearson:
[to Tom] We're in the middle of a battle, and you wanna play science fair? No way. We're going back in now... before our parents end up as alien zombies.

Jake Pearson:
Not so fast. I have a plan. Work with me here. Did Nana give anyone Mentos?

Jake Pearson:
[to the giant-sized Skip with a potato gun] Hey! Down here, you prehistoric space scum!