All That Jazz

Joe Gideon:
To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.

Joe Gideon:
It's show time, folks.

Angelique:
Do you believe in love?

Joe Gideon:
I believe in saying, "I love you."

Joe Gideon:
Katy, I try to give you everything I can give.

Kate Jagger:
Oh, you give all right - presents, clothes. I just wish you weren't so generous with your cock.

Victoria:
Well, you're right. I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. I look at the mirror and I'm ashamed. Maybe I should quit. I just can't seem to do anything right.

Joe Gideon:
Listen. I can't make you a great dancer. I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But, if you keep trying and don't quit, I know I can make you a better dancer. I'd like very much to do that. Stay?

Victoria:
Are you going to keep yelling at me?

Joe Gideon:
Probably.

Audrey Paris:
Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show?

Joe Gideon:
Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart! Honey? Baby? Can't remember her name.

Audrey Paris:
Dorothy. Dorothy.

Joe Gideon:
Who cares? Can't remember her name.

Joe Gideon:
No, nothing I ever do is good enough. Not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say, "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?"

Angelique:
Now that's probably one of your better con lines.

Joe Gideon:
Yeah, it is. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it.

Audrey Paris:
You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.

Joe Gideon:
A great entertainer...

O'Connor Flood:
A great entertainer!

Joe Gideon:
A great Humanitarian...

O'Connor Flood:
A great Humanitarian

Joe Gideon:
And my freind of 25 years...

O'Connor Flood:
And my freind of 17 years!

Joe Gideon:
Oh boy, do I hate show business!

Kate Jagger:
Joe, you love show business.

Joe Gideon:
Oh that's right. I love show business. I'll go either way.

Joe Gideon:
Sometimes I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.

Joe Gideon:
If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.

O'Connor Flood:
Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applaud if you want to - Mr. Joe Gideon!

Joe Gideon:
I always look for the worst in other people.

Angelique:
A little of yourself in them?

Joe Gideon:
A little of myself. And generally, I find it.

Joe Gideon:
Don't bullshit a bullshitter

Davis Newman:
This chick, man, without the sole benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!'.

Joe Gideon:
I wonder if Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?

Davis Newman:
You know what death with dignity is, man? You don't drool.

Joe Gideon:
Who was that?

Kate Jagger:
Michael Graham

Joe Gideon:
Who is Michael Graham?

Kate Jagger:
A dancer in my ballet class.

Joe Gideon:
Straight or gay?

Kate Jagger:
What do you mean?

Joe Gideon:
I mean, is he looking to get laid or is he looking for Mr. Right?

Kate Jagger:
He's straight.

Angelique:
That's very theatrical, Joe.