American Chopper: The Series

Paul Sr.:
Come over here and stand in front of me so I can hit you in the back of the head.

Paul Sr.:
Mikey, get your fat ass upstairs and find my drill bits.

Mikey:
I want you to apologize for calling me fat.

Paul Sr.:
I apologize for calling you fat. Now get your fat ass up there and find my f***in' bits!

Paul Jr.:
If you had a clue as to what you were talking about, you'd be dangerous!

Paul Jr.:
If you even had a clue as to what you were talking about, you'd be dangerous!

Paul Sr.:
You're not happy unless you're gettin' me aggravated!

Mikey:
Well, you're not happy unless you're aggravated.

Paul Sr.:
That seat's gonna look ridiculous with just a picture of me on it.

Mikey:
Well who the hell sent him a picture of just you?

Paul Jr.:
It's gonna look ridiculous.

Mikey:
I don't care. Every time I sit on it, I'll just... I'll fart.

[a welder hits the frame of the Comanche bike with a hammer]

Vince DiMartino:
I can not emphasize how much you can not do that!

[talking about the Firebike]

Paul Sr.:
It's not just an Orange County Chopper, it's a New York City Chopper.

[Paul Sr. gives Cody the Old School chopper]

Paul Sr.:
I think that the difference between that bike and this bike is that... this bike is yours.

Mikey:
Dad, I'm here to kick your ass!

Paul Sr.:
Oh yeah, why me?

Mikey:
'Cuz I'm STRESSED.

[Debating a detail on the Fireman's Bike... ]

Mikey:
You guys want me to hold it on there while you fight about it?

Paul Sr.:
[laughing] You know why you're here? You really know? To make me laugh. That's the only reason you're here.

Mikey:
Ok. So, let's get this f***in' bike together!

[Paul Sr. enters the shop looking grumpy... ]

Paul Jr.:
Uh-oh, grizzly's out!

Mikey:
You know, everybody gives me a problem about the grinder being face up and they think my middle name is "safety". But it's not... It's "danger". No, I'm kidding... It's "Joseph".

Paul Sr.:
Get the job done!

Will Smith:
[after test driving one of the custom bikes] I've GOT to get me one of these!

Paul Sr.:
I've got a size 12 that will inspire!

Paul Sr.:
Do you need any more ideas?

Paul Sr.:
Where the hell is Mikey?

Paul Sr.:
Where the hell is numbnuts?

[after seeing Rick has cut his hand on the drill press]

Paul Jr.:
Somebody needs to get him to the hospital!

[Looking at the equipment that chewed up Rick]

Paul Jr.:
Look, there are pieces of Rick on it.

[Looking at the scene of the accident]

Rick Petko:
There are pieces of me still there.

[after watching his beloved Nissan being trashed by the guys]

Mikey:
That car has lasted nine years... longer than any relationship with a girl I ever had.

[about the sidecar of the cop bike]

Paul Jr.:
Gus is the only one of us that can fit in it.

[Commenting on his lumberjacking skills]

Mikey:
I'm not really a lumberjack... I'm a lazy ass.

Paul Sr.:
Where the hell is Paulie!

Paul Jr.:
Figure it out!

Mikey:
Where's my motorcycle, Daddy?

Paul Sr.:
Ha ha ha ha ha...

Mikey:
You don't love me.

Paul Sr.:
I'm not going ask twice, cos the second time I'll use my size 12.

Paul Sr.:
[yelling at Paulie] You're the biggest slob I know! Stop everything and get this place cleaned up!

[while looking at the flashing lights for the cop bike]

Vince DiMartino:
Cool isn't it?

[listening to Paul Sr and Jr. going at each other again]

Vince DiMartino:
This is not good.

Paul Jr.:
[in a shouting match with Paul Sr] Twinkle-dinkle-dinkle! You never bent a piece of pipe in your life!

Paul Sr.:
Where's my bits!

Mikey:
This is an ongoing saga with you, isn't it?

Mikey:
[on the radio to Campo to get the trailer keys] Campo... We're Pissed... You Key-Hordin' Pixie!

Paul Sr.:
[berating Paul Jr] You are the most inconsistent, unreliable person in this entire f***ing shop and if you were to make an example to the rest of the guys out there, they would all end up just like you, but I don't let that happen, I don't let that happen.

Paul Sr.:
You haven't worked eighty hours in your lifetime, in your lifetime!

Paul Jr.:
When I was fourteen I was working eight hours a week.

Paul Sr.:
When you were fourteen you were putting applications at McDonald's and not even getting hired, what the hell are you talkin' about?

Paul Sr.:
[scolding Paul Jr. for the disheveled condition of the shop] You know what? I'm done talking with you because you are the biggest slob I ever met in the world. So why am I even debating this with you?

Paul Jr.:
There's certain things you can't do anything about.

Paul Sr.:
Yes, I can, because I own the place.

Paul Sr.:
Next time you eat my cookies I'm going to break your neck.

Mikey:
[in the UK, Sr. is riding the clutch trying to drive on the opposite side of the road and drawing attention] From London!

Keith Quill:
I've got question for you guys, just so I know... How many people does it take to run one machine?

Paul Sr.:
Just do it! Instead of dicking around, like you always do!

Paul Jr.:
Somebody's got PMS.

Mikey Teutul:
But what do I know, I order parts and take out the trash.