American Dragon: Jake Long

Jake Long:
[Repeated line] Oh man!

[repeated line]

Jake Long:
Dragon up!

Spud:
[tied up and dangling in the air] But what makes you think I'm going to help you? [laughs evilly] Um, my laugh of evil needs work.

Jake's Grandfather:
[as Jake's daydreaming about Rose] Jake! Did you hear anything I just said?

Jake Long:
Sure. You... were... saying... some ancient Chinese proverb that holds the key to me learning a valuable lesson?

Huntsmaster:
Why was the door bolted and latched in six places?

Rose:
You can never be too safe.

Huntsmaster:
[steps on Jake's hand] Is there someone here?

Rose:
I swear it's just me. All by my lonesome.

Jake Long:
Yo Yo Yo! Pay attention because Jake Long is in the heezy! About to audition for my man Mark Antinizzy!

[becomes dramatic when he sees Rose]

Jake Long:
I'm dying Egypt! Dying! I hear only impurtune death awhile, a many thousand kisses, the pour last I lay up thy lips.

Jake's Grandfather:
Jake, if that is a customer with a return tell them that electronics are like bikini's! All sales are final!

Jake's Grandfather:
Jake, as the American Dragon, it is your duty to protect magical creatures, NOT FLIRT WITH SCHOOLGIRLS!

Jake Long:
Okay, you can stay. But you can't let my dad see you.

Troll:
Yahoo!

Jake Long:
Or hear you! You see my dad doesn't know about magical creatures. My mom's been working on telling him since October... of '92.

Chang:
Sun Park, I thought you were all about peace and love.

Sun Park:
And what I really love is to give you a piece of this!

Jake's Father:
[after finding Jake unconscious in the hall] You, you hurt my Jake! Nobody does that!

Vampire #1:
You named your dragon self "Jake"?

Vampire #2:
[to Jonathan] Don't let him tease you. I named my fangs "Lefty" and "Bitey".

Jake Long:
From now on, I'm going to look forward to all the good things and not let the bad ones get me down.

Sara:
[perky and happy] That's a super-duper attitude!

[suddenly dark and creepy]

Sara:
You should keep that in mind when you find out the dark, awful truth about Rose.

Fu Dog:
I'm a bad dog!

Fu Dog:
Talk about your yellow journalism!

Kara:
You're cavity free this year.

Jake Long:
Yahoo!

Sara:
Root Canal next year!

Huntsboy #89:
Ooh. Someone's gonna get a wicked hard smackdown from the the Huntsman and her name ryhmes with--Smunstsgirl.

Huntsboy #88:
Rose and her boy friend, sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N - AAAAAH!

[last lines]

Professor Rotwood:
Hello mother. It's your favorite son, you know, Hans. Anyway, I'm in jail... again. But not for mistaking a student for a dragon and locking him in the back of a truck like last time. No see, I knocked over a priceless statue at the Cosmopolitan Museum of art. Anyway, I need you to give me bail money. Quickly. My cell mate calls himself "Beef" and takes much pleasure in showing me his many tattoos. Bye.

Jake's Grandfather:
There has been an incident at the museum.

Jake Long:
I swear I didn't know that toilet was a piece of art.

Jake Long:
[seeing Fury's hair] Snakes, why did it have to be snakes?

Jake Long:
[to Trixie after she told off Spud] As he would put it you were extra harsh with a side of meanbeans.

Jake Long:
Me and Spud will be here for you even to talk about the girl stuff.

[girly]

Jake Long:
Ooh, ooh! Is it just me or does Kyle Wilkins spread fine like... cheese on... a...

Trixie Carson:
Save it for the ladies, Jakey-jake.

Jake Long:
[embarrassed] Thank you.

Jake's Grandfather:
The horn does not make the unicorn.

Jake Long:
Actually, it does. Otherwise, it's just a horse.

Jasmine:
I don't know how to put this but I'm sorry I tried to suck the souls out of your friends at the dance.

Jake Long:
It's like I said to my hot date Jasmine earlier. Hot date Jasmine, I says, if tou want to get the hotties you have to move your bodies!

Fu Dog:
Kid, what's the matter with you?

Jake Long:
Sorry. Guess I was a little put off by THE 8 HAIRY SPIDER LEGS!

Rose:
Brad said he asked me out tonight so he could dance with the prettiest girl in the room. I guess he goy his wish.

Jake Long:
Come on, I want to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.

Jake Long:
[flirting with the janitor] Is it just me or are you feeling something?

[first lines]

Jake Long:
So you don't remember anything about your folks?

Rose:
They died right after I was born. The Huntsclan took me in a raised me. My earliest memory is me lying in my Hunts-crib crying out for my Hunts-nanny to change my hunts-diaper.

Jake Long:
Me too! Except for the Hunts-everything.

Rose:
My parents didn't die. The Huntsclan took me from them. I have a family!

Rose:
You know, baby Rotwood is kinda cute ...

[baby Rotwood belches]

Rose:
Scratch that.

Jake' s Father:
You'll have to excuse your mother Jake. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bedinski!

Jake's Mother:
Excuse me?

Jake' s Father:
You heard me grumplestilsken. All morning you've been acting like a ...

[turns on the coffee machine blocking his fowl language]

Jake's Mother:
Oh yeah? Well you've been ranting like a big fat

[turns on the coffee machine blocking her fowl language]

Jake Long:
I'm just gonna get a bite at school where everyone is a bit less hostile.

Monty Hall:
Miss Hadaes. She loves the smell of brimstone and deviled ham. She can have my soul anytime.

Eli Excelsior Pandarus:
This worked out perfectly. I needed 2 eye witnesses to our blessed union and vioula. Here you are. Just hanging around.

Jake Long:
[chained to the wall with a sphinx hair net over him] Fu, watch out! Pandarus is going to take the winner of the pageant and make her his bride!

Fu Dog:
Your looking at her kid.

Jake's Grandfather:
[also chained] What? You won?

Jake Long:
No way!

Fu Dog:
Is that sooooo hard to believe?

Santa Claus:
Sorry hon, but your definitely on my naughty list and my ugly list. You should donate that body to science. Science fiction that is.

Fu Dog:
Hey Carol, you want to shake those things my way? [Carol slaps him] I was talking about your wings! What do you expect from a ditsy dame?

Eli Excelsior Pandarus:
You look familiar. Do I know you?

Jake Long:
I did your hair! When you did Good Magical Morning New York. You could need a good jugging -

Jake's Grandfather:
[pulls Jake away]

Jake Long:
Don't forget to condition, trim those side burns, skip a days shampoeing and -

Jake's Grandfather:
ENOUGH!

Jake Long:
[stops talking]

Fu Dog:
Suzi, this is my stylist. Sven.

Jake Long:
[in a girly voice] Eek! Split ends!

Marty:
Is it too much to ask for you to replace the teepee every once in a blood red moon?

Jake Long:
Hold up! I'm out in my underwear in front of my little sister, a reporter and my home-ec teacher. Oh, I get it. This is one of those stress dreams! I'm totally dreaming! I love it when you find out it's not real! [to Sun] What's up Sunshine? Oh, common' yall! Raise the roof! Raise the roof! Shake what your daddy gave ya! Shake it like it might just save ya! No? Can I get a "HI HO"!

Jake's Grandfather:
We will begin a trust activity.

[Jake leans back and falls into a mud pit]

Jake's Grandfather:
The lesson is to trust no one.

Jake Long:
Go appendix! Go appendix! Holla back now! Appendicitis!

Trixie Carson:
What if it tries to eat me?

Spud:
I don't think it eats out of that end, Trix.

Jake Long:
Guy's, I need to go check the dumpsters

Trixie Carson:
[as Jake hurls] Jakey, I told you eating all that fair food--

Jake Long:
Guys, check this out!

Spud:
No thanks man. I've seen stomach pot pie before. Not pretty.

[watching a fire-breather]

Jake Long:
I can do that in my sleep!

Spud:
I can do that after eating my uncle's chili cheeseburgers.

Spud:
[about a bearded lady] Do you think that beard is real?

Jake Long:
Yeah. Real nasty!

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl] No one touches the Huntsman!

Brocamas:
[about Jake] Like a fire-breathing four leaf clover...

Jake Long:
It's no crime to shine!

[repeated line]

Spud:
Spleunking.

Spud:
[snickers] Spleunking

Trixie, Jake Long:
SHUT UP, SPUD!

Jake Long:
Hey there big guy! Why don't we just talk about our feelings instead of showing them with our fists?

Giant:
You talk funny. Not belly jingle funny, wierd funny.

Jake Long:
See, we're getting along already. Now, what's making you so angry?

Giant:
DIRTY CHEATER LEPERCHAUNS!

Jake Long:
Whoa, whoa. I don't see any leperchauns.

Giant:
But, this leperchaun store.

Jake Long:
[slyly] Now who's talking funny? How can there be a leperchaun store if there's no leperchauns. Which means, you must not be angry.

Giant:
Not angry?

Jake Long:
What? You're not angry. Well that is good to hear. Now off you go happy little giant. Now skip away laughing. Ha ha!

Ogelvy:
I know you're in here mongrul. My nose knows.

Fu Dog:
[about to plummet to his death] It's times like these I wish I had a giant pair of batwings instead of a smugly personality. Nah, on second thought I'm good with the personality. But I sure could use a dragon.

Jake Long, Jake's Grandfather:
[burst through the window]

Jake Long:
[hits the machine causing Fu to fall]

Fu Dog:
I take it back! No dragon!

Jake Long:
[catching Fu with his tail] Scared you, didn't I?

Fu Dog:
No, I'm akways this damp.

Fu Dog:
You realize this is about to turn ugly.

Yan Yan:
Why, is your mother coming?

Jake Long:
Aww [belches] Oh yeah! That was just waitin' to come out! Now where was I? Oh yeah! Man!

FuDog:
[to Jake] I don't speak Nerd.

Jake' s Father:
[performing a Christmas Carol in front of the whole neighborhood] Four Calling Birds...

Jake's Mother:
Three French Hens...

Haley Long:
Two Turtle Doves...

Jake Long:
And you Know: a bird and stuff...

Huntsboy #88:
So if we can't get the sasquatch for the Huntsman's present , what do you think: Betty Bunsen Brownie Burner or Potato Patch Bunny?

Huntsboy #89:
Oh, Betty Bunsen. No contest.

Spud:
Nana Spudinski's famous fruit cake!

Jake Long:
It looks like a football.

Spud:
It tastes like one too!

Fu Dog:
[addressing the audience] Hey kids! If you haven't guessed, this is the American Dragon Hokey Holiday Special. And like all Holiday specials, this deals with family, togetherness... Ugh, bla bl-bla bl-bla, and all that other sappy garbage. Let's just get on with the opening titles before I hurl egg-nog all over the snow right here.

Huntsboy #89:
Dragon! Let's see how he likes these Christmas Goodies!

Fu Dog:
Sweet Santa's Driedel!

Haley Long:
It's not like I deserve it...

Jake Long:
Of course not! You're Miss Goody Two-Shoes who never does anything wrong!

Haley Long:
Is that such a bad thing?

Jake Long:
Polly-perfect.

Haley Long:
I never said...

Jake Long:
Nelli-Mc-nice-nice.

Haley Long:
Please stop that...

Jake Long:
Princess Kiss-up.

Haley Long:
[getting mad] I asked you to...

Jake Long:
Debby Do-Good.

Haley Long:
That's not true...

Jake Long:
Saint Perfect-us.

Haley Long:
I said...

Jake Long:
Little Haley-Halo!

Haley Long:
I'm - STOP IT!

Haley Long:
You don't know me at all!

Jake Long:
[slyly] Well maybe someone can remind you.

[pulls out his cell phone and calls his mom]

Jake Long:
Hey Mom? Jake. Just calling to let you know that Haley and I snuck out to Big Game Con. Twice.

Jake's Mother:
What? You are both grounded! GROUNDED!

Haley Long:
You told on me?

Pooka Pooka:
What do you care? We're Pooka People! We're all about the fun.

Jake Long:
Oh, and Haley wants me to tell Dad that Haley's been watching that puppet show he hates.

Jake' s Father:
You know how much I hate that creepy puppet! That is a bunch of brainwashing! Come home right now Haley!

Jake Long:
Woo hoo. Sounds like we're in pretty big trouble!

Haley Long:
You don't know me at all!

Jake Long:
[slyly] Well maybe someone can remind you. [pulls out his cell phone and calls his mom] Hey Mom? Jake. Just calling to let you know that Haley and I snuck out to Big Game Con. Twice.

Jake's Mother:
What? You are both grounded! GROUNDED!

Haley Long:
You told on me?

Pooka Pooka:
What do you care? We're Pooka People! We're all about the fun.

Jake Long:
Oh, and Haley wants me to tell Dad that Haley's been watching that puppet show he hates.

Jake' s Father:
You know how much I hate that creepy puppet! That is a bunch of brainwashing! Come home right now Haley!

Jake Long:
Woo hoo. Sounds like we're in pretty big trouble!

Sun Park:
[trying to meditate an angry, rowdy crowd] Okay people. Breathe in the light and out the evil puppet man. Clear your minds people. Break the spell. Violence is the path of the weak and cowardly... [crowd starts to boo and throw stuff at her]

Jake Long:
What happened to the music? The pretty, pretty music? [starts to sing horribly] "My darling, she left me!"

Jake Long:
Rose, sweet Rose. For you I blow my nose. Ah-Peace out.

[flashback to Jake moving to a monastery to deal with his loss of Rose]

Jake Long:
Yo, brother. What's up?

Priest:
I'm sorry, Jake. I don't think this is going to work out.

[widen to reveal Jake has about 50 pictures of Rose on the wall]

Jake Long:
Thanks and enjoy the cupcakes. But don't just enjoy cupcakes, enjoy each other.

[grabs the couple by the shirt closely]

Jake Long:
Because mortal enemies or not you never know when you'll be ripped apart by the cruel hands of fate never to see each other again! [the couple immediately leaves, looking scared] [Jake, sounding happy] Yall come back soon now, ya hear? [waves at the couple]

Jake' s Father:
I've found out a deep dark secret about your mother's side of the family... you're all allergic of chocolate!

Jake Long:
[he has just been grounded for one of his mom's lies] No TV or video Games for 2 weeks?

Jake' s Father:
Hmm-hmm. You lied to us little Mr. and in this house, you do the crime, you do the time. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Jake Long:
It's just... I have to do my duty... I'm the American...

Jake' s Father:
Uh-huh. Let's here it Mr. Baseball. You're the American what?

Jake Long:
[notices the look on his mom's face]

Jake Long:
I'm the... American kid who's grounded.

Jake Long:
[about the teenaged Huntsman's voice] Dude, what's with the voice? You sound like an acordian stuck in a woodchipper!

Jake Long:
Fu, there's a whole side of my family my dad doesn't even know about. And I can change it. The secrets, the lies, the me being grounded everyother week.

Jake' s Father:
Oh, for the last time - Bedtime means bedtime. The world won't end if you're in bed by ten.

Jake Long:
Actually, it sort of will.

[camera pans outside Jake's window to reveal threatening vortex in the night sky]

Jake's Mother:
"Beyonc? Timberlake?" What kind of a bogus name is that?

Jake Long:
I WISH ROSE WAS NEVER TAKEN BY THE HUNTSCLAN!

Huntsboy #88:
Help! I can't see through my eye-holes! Mommy!

Huntsboy #88:
We are cool and super fly...

Huntsboy #89:
Dragon's got no alibi...

Huntsboy #88, Huntsboy #89:
That's right! They ugly! They U-G-L-Y...

[they walk right into a dragon Jake]

Huntsmaster:
By the Pantheon of Aztec Skulls I hereby wish for the destruction of all - Aaah!

[Rose zaps the Huntsman with her staff either knocking him out or killing him]

Rose:
The destruction of all Huntsclan!

Rose:
[about to be killed by the skulls power] Thank-you Jake! For everything! I'll never forget you!

Jake Long:
Rose, no!

Rose:
Jake, let go. I'll be okay. I promise. I'll be okay.

Sun Park:
You bet your auras you will! The votes are in and you two have been nominated for king and queen!

Jake Long:
Say what?

Rose:
Excuse me?

Sun Park:
The winners will be announced at the Homecoming ball this Friday. Isn't that groovy?

Rose:
Homecoming?

Jake Long:
King and Queen?

Jake Long, Rose:
Groovy!

[last lines]

Huntsboy #89:
You know, maybe being sucked into a vortex wouldn't have been so bad.

Huntsboy #88:
Man, I wonder if there are pretty girls and video games inside a vortex.

Huntsboy #89:
You had to bring up the by-laws, didn't you?

Jake Long:
[after destroying all of the Aztec skulls in a furious rage] Consider them destroyed!

Jake Long:
So, it's true?

Rose:
Jake, I'm sorry.

Huntsmaster:
[evil laugh] So, this is the American Dragon's true human form. Before I wish for your annihilation, any last words?

Jake Long:
Well, considering the circumstances, I have just two: Let's dance!

Jake Long:
So, how exactly do these skull-thingies work again?

Jake's Grandfather:
Whoever possesses all 13, is granted one irreversible wish.

Fu Dog:
And if the Huntsman gets his mitts on them, ten bucks says he ain't wishing for a collection of '70s A.M. gold.

Huntsmaster:
88! 89! I have an assignment for you. It appears we have a traitor in our midst...

Huntsmaster:
Huntsgirl, hand me the skull and finish him.

[Rose hesitates]

Huntsmaster:
IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR PARENTS, YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!

[Rose throws the Huntsman the skull and starts to fight Jake]

Jake Long:
[furious] Your parents! That's why you're doing this!

Rose:
All I wanted was a normal life, but the Huntsclan took that away from me, and now there is only one way for this to end Jake.

[chains fly out of Rose's staff which bind and muzzle Jake, making him fall to the ground helpless]

Rose:
I'm sorry.

Jake Long:
[as the Huntsman is about to wish for the annihilation of all magical creatures] Please Rose, don't do this.

Fu Dog:
And then bingo bango bazingo! Huntsie's master plan is flushed down the master can.

Rose:
[as she is moving to Hong Kong] It was nice talking to you.

Jake Long:
You too, Rose. Happy Homecoming.

Jake Long:
[his last line] You know what, guys? It's nice to know some things never change.

Jake Long:
[on desk rapping] My grades, they be slippin' but Rotwood he be trippen'. His youth, yo, it's over. Just look at his hair comb over!

Dark Dragon:
American Dragon? You think you can escape me so easily?

Councilor Chang:
That is why I betrayed you then, as I do now.

Sara:
[after capturing Chang] You're going to prison!

Kara:
Where you'll meet nice ladies with common interests and generic haircuts.

Jake Long:
Rose, you remembered! But how?

Rose:
You left this at my house. Let's just say it brought back some memories.

Jake's Father:
I have another question. Just bugging me; when they turn into dragons, what happens to their clothes?

Dark Dragon:
I tried to give you all the chance in joining me ruling the world, but the American Dragon has just sealed your destruction!

Jake Long:
If we had to choose between destruction and joining you, we'll take destruction every time.

Dark Dragon:
Then you shall have it. Starting with your own grandfather!

Jake's Father:
Okay, one more question: Are unicorns real?

FuDog:
Sure.

Jake's Father:
Fairies?

FuDog:
You bet.

Jake's Father:
Gnomes, elves, mermaids?

FuDog:
Yes, yes and yes.

Jake's Father:
[hopefully] Santa Claus?

FuDog:
Just keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the pedal will ya?

Jake Long:
At least the gremlin problem is history!

Jake's Grandfather:
Good. Where is it?

Jake Long:
Oh, it's gone.

Jake's Grandfather:
You mean it got away?

Jake Long:
I mean it got defeated!

Jake's Grandfather:
You let it escape?!

Jake Long:
I let it know who's boss!

Jake's Grandfather:
It's still on the loose?!

Jake Long:
Still runnin' Gramps!

Jake Long:
Special on Isle sizzix. Pickled Gremlins. Get it? "Cause now your in a pickle jar!

Jake Long:
[knocking over the wedding cake] Yo, is this butter cream frosting?

Jake Long:
[comes up with cake all over his face and he puts the cherry in his mouth]

Jake Long:
[singing] oh the Hubba Hubba Hulla is a hulla that you do-ah when you meet a girl who ya gonna luv-a-luv alot.

Jake's Grandfather:
[starts singing] Aloha oh, with a smile it's an island hello!

Jake Long:
Aloha ah, hubba hulla your troubles away. [starts rapping] NYC what? How ya doin', my name's Jake and I'm in the hulla, volcanos hot and Jakey-jake's coola and that's the way you hubba hunna Hulla.

Spud:
We may not be able to spew flames...

Trixie Carson:
Or fly...

Spud:
Or make lacey pillowcases with one swipe of our claws.

Jake Long:
[when Fu gives him a wierd look] That was for Rose... I swear. Careful, you'll rip it.

[grabs it and puts it to his face lovingly]

Spud:
How does the monkey keep on finding new places to hide the cheese?

Jake Long:
[mocking Rotwood] Ook! What a major oopsie I have committed!

Jake Long:
Days like today make me wish I was a normal human. Like dad.

Jake' s Father:
[enters the kitchen singing] Hey, who's the cow with a halo on her head and an uder made of gold. Holy cow she's a wholesome heifer. Moo!

Jake Long:
And I use the term "normal" very loosely.

Huntsman:
American Dragon prepare to become a pair of boots.

Huntsman:
I will ask you one last time old man. Where is the American Dragon?

Jake Long:
Right under your nose dude! I'm like a booger that way! HA! Wait, that didn't come out right.

Spud:
He's not evil he just misunderstood

[the animal bits him an he jumps back]

Spud:
HE'S EVVVVVIIIIIIIIIILLLL

Trixie Carson:
[as Fu Dog is driving the car] Shouldn't you be the one behind the wheel?

Jake's Grandfather:
I don't have a license.

Trixie Carson:
Oh, but the talking dog does?

Professor Rotwood:
[on a tape recorder] Scientific log - Begin working on a new theory concerning a dragon's natural ability to shapeshift into human form. Also... keep a close eye... on Mr. Jake Long.

Rose:
End of the line leprechaun. So much for the luck of the Irish.

Jake Long:
Sorry babe. But gold digging drops you on the 'hot meter'!

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl] Your the one that's about to be dropped, dragon!

Jake' s Father:
When a bears near by don't act silly. Too escape him simply run down hilly.

Fu Dog:
[about Hobie] I'd hate to be the one changing that diaper.

Hobie:
You chained up my Ma and Pa!

Huntsclan Device:
[as 88 is stepping on it] Please stop hitting me. I thought I was your friend.

Jake Long:
[about 88 and 89] They're like late arrivals to the candy store. Suckers gotta come sometime.

Huntsboy #88:
Peek-a-boo, freak-a-boo!

Huntsboy #89:
Evil Tech rocks!

Troll:
We're supposed to fear you because you captured some half frog/half boy?

Huntsboy #89:
No. You're supposed to fear us because we captured a half frog/half boy... with THESE!

Huntsboy #89:
This one says it turns intestines outtestines!

Rose:
[as Huntsgirl] I liked you better tied up!

Jake Long:
[in dragon form] I bet you say that to all the dragons.

Jake Long:
Wait, are you saying I can shapeshift into other people? Check this!

[shapeshifts into his grandfather]

Jake Long:
The sparrow with the most patience is more patient than the one that's impatient.

Fu Dog:
[laughing] You sound just like the old man!

Jake Long:
[shapeshifts into Fu] Hey yo, forget about it! I need to go bet myself some dog buscuits and give myself a flee bath!

Fu Dog:
I don't sound like that.

Jake's Grandfather:
Jake, while you have you have shapeshifting powers, you can not use your dragon powers so you must treat this mission very seriously.

Jake Long:
It's cool G! Serious is my middle name.

[shapeshifts into the huntsman]

Jake Long:
Now, brotha's and sista's, bust a move and bring on the Huntsclan!

Spud:
[wearing knight armor and riding Fu like a horse] Alas, ye scurvy dragon! That lass be the Dark Knight!

Fu Dog:
[turning to Vickie] Permission to bite him savagely, my pretty-pretty?

Vickie:
Maybe later.

Rose:
[as Huntsgirl] Why did you save me? We're mortal enemies! Or did you forget?

Jake Long:
I wish I could.

Rose:
[sweetly] Hi, Jake.

Jake Long:
[stares at her coldly]

Rose:
I'm sorry that we didn't get to hangout this weekend.

Jake Long:
Hey, you were busy

Rose:
Was there something you wanted to tell me? Is this seat taken?

Jake Long:
[sad flashbacks of them together]

Jake Long:
[sadly] Sorry, it is.

Rose:
[walks away, shocked]

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl] Go ahead! Finish the job! The huntsclan will find you sooner or later! Trust me!

Jake Long:
Actually, I don't.

Jake Long:
[peels off her glove showing him Rose's 'birthmark']

Jake Long:
[shocked] They were right.

Huntsmaster:
What do you mean you won't be bringing me the abomible snowman pelt?

Rose:
Don't worry. I have something better. A dragon skin. I'll be slaying it tonight.

Rose:
[as Huntsgirl] Aww, is the big bad blizzard wind too much for your wittle dragon fire?

Spud:
And this must be my room.

[opens door to see two girls jumping on a bed having a pillow fight]

Spud:
Whoa... Happy Valentine's Day to me!

Jake Long:
Get ready for a sonic boom of teen angst!

Jake Long:
[in a rap fight with Nigel] Little lost kitten, just in from Great Britain, got your tail 'tween your legs, from the rhymes I'm spittin'.

[kids cheer Jake on]

Nigel Thrall:
Ooh, is this what they call freestyle rap? Oh, yes. May I contribute a verse? Okay. Oh dear, let's see...

[Nigel starts busting his own rhymes]

Nigel Thrall:
Jakety-Jake, for goodness sake. You're hair's like a weed that could use a good rake.

[kids are now more impressed with Nigel]

Nigel Thrall:
Yo, the dollar's worth less than the pound in the U.K. Try not to cry when I'm pounding you, 'Kay?

[kids cheer Nigel On]

Nigel Thrall:
You don't reach my knees on the b-ball court. Why's a guy named "Long" got to be so short?

Jake Long:
I've been out-skated, out-rapped, and out-classed. Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

[Spud actually does it]

Jake Long:
Yeoww! Figure of speech!

Spud:
Uh, heh-heh. My bad.

Spud:
No matter where you go, if you try to hide, the moon will always find you.

Spud:
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. Eyes watering. Blinking. Time to blink.

Fu Dog:
Would it kill ya to smile? You look like a mug shot!

Huntsboy #89:
I've got the feelin' for some steelin'. I've got some feverin' for some thieverin'. I'm feelin' snobberin' for some robberin'!

Spud:
No I'm telling you it's a medical fact: if you sneeze, hiccup, cough and burp all at the same time. I had this cousin. He did it in third grade and we had to send him to a hospital.

Huntsboy #89:
Dude, I am so wicked psyched to slay my first dragon!

Huntsboy #88:
I heard that! First dragon I run into I'm gonna be like "Yo, what up fool?" and he'll be like "No! Spare me mighty number 88!" and then I'm gonna be like "WAKAAAAAAAA!"

Spud:
[undercover as a huntsclan member, watching Rose being forced to slay Jake] Jake! I mean cake, which is what I will eat once this dragon is slain!

Rose:
[as Huntsgirl] And one last thing. Never show a dragon mercy. Ever.

Jake Long:
[seeing his doppelganger and Rotwood prancing around the room] Okay, now I'm just scaring myself.

Jake Long:
I'm taking you back, now!

Evil Jake:
You can take me back when you can catch me and beat me, which is... oh yeah! Never!

Jake Long:
I'm gonna take over. Cool?

Jump-rope Jake Doppleganger:
But this is what I do. This is who I am. I jump rope that's all I have!

Evil Jake:
Clean up, Isle 10!

Jake' s Father:
Let me hear you shout shout, say I'm a cougar scout scout! Grrr! Grrr!

Evil Jake:
Prepare to be absorbed!

Evil Jake:
Too bad for you I'm so self-absorbed!

Jake Long:
[fighting Evil Jake] What up? I feel so weak!

Evil Jake:
You feel weak to me too!

Jake Long:
I'll take the sleeping, you take the garbage. I take the napping, you take the Algebra.

Couger Scout Jake Doppelganger:
Algebra? Aww man!

Jake Long:
Wow! You really are my double!

Jake Long:
Ball, ball, ball-egg!

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl] An egg? For me? You shouldn't have. But I'll take it anyway.

Teenage Worker:
Exuse me ma'am but the ball pen is for children ages six and under.

Rose:
[as Thorn] Can it Pipsqueak!

Counselor Andam:
[tied to a tree] You won't get away with this Huntsman! The whole of the order will come after you.

Huntsmaster:
I certainly hope so. It's so difficult to flush dragons out of hiding as it is. Huntsclan, gag our guests. I'm finding their prattle distracting.

Huntsmaster:
Huntsgirl, Have you chosen your prey?

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl, pointing her axe at a bound Chang] Yes. This one.

Huntsmaster:
An excellent choice. Do you Huntsgirl pledge alliegence to the Huntsclan?

Rose:
I do master.

Huntsmaster:
Huntsgirl, begin your days as a true Huntsman and ...

Jake Long:
[off screen] Kick out the jams!

[Rose is thrown onto a gravestone which knocks her out]

Brad:
[after being pushed into a mermaid tank] I definetly need air soon!

Jake Long:
Umm, why are you stopping?

Harpy #1:
They're going into a graveyard. On Halloween. That is so 5 minutes ago.

Harpy #2:
That saying is so 5 years ago.

Jake Long:
Umm, guys?

Harpy #1:
Are you still here?

Jake Long:
[they drop him, he swings down a pole and lands unharmed] That's what I'm talkin' about! Just because I don't have my powers doesn't mean I don't got mad skillzills!

Jake Long:
[he walks right into a pole] Uh, never mind.

Harpy:
Hey look, it's that rapper dragon. Draggy J. Without the dragginess. What a drag.

[Spud & Trixie are undercover as 1970s-style lounge singers]

Emcee:
Ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome to the Pandarus Lounge, the smooth sounds of... Trixilicious.

Trixie Carson:
What's up, New York. Y'all out there like love songs as much as we do?

[Spud screams like a heavy metal singer]

Spud:
You better hold your mothers, 'cause you're going down, Mudbucket! Mudbucket! Buckets of Muuuuuuuud, Yeah!

Fu Dog:
[Trixie and Spud are walking in slow motion] Hurry up! It's a little cramped in here!

Rose:
[as Thorn, the Huntsgirl] You don't know me, dragon.

Jake Long:
[chained up] I know there's more to you than that. Maybe you're a little rough around the edges, but every *Thorn* has gotta have a *Rose*.

Rose:
What! What did you just say?

Jake Long:
[catching himself] I... just... mean... I think there's another side to you. You're not like the Huntsclan.

Rose:
Not yet, but I will be.

Jake Long:
Ah, when I see her, I don't know whether to kiss her to incinerate her with a fire ball.

Rose:
Tomorrow, I swear on our ancestors that I will slay the american dragon and fulfill my destiny!

Jake Long:
[chained to a stake] What? No last meal? Give a dragon some love!

Jake Long:
[chained to a stake] Silver, you did it! You swam!

Silver:
Well, I am a mermaid!

Principal Derceto:
I'm sorry Jake. Rose is gone. She transferred out of this school yesterday.

Jake Long:
Transfered? Where did she go? I mean, I need to get a hold of her.

Principal Derceto:
Well, there's no forwarding address here. Nothing. I'm sorry Jake. She did leave this for you.

Jake Long:
[he is handed a picture of them together] But I - she - Aww man!

Jake Long:
Wave your chains in the air! Wave 'em like you just don't care! Yeah!

Jake Long:
Sorry, I didn't see you down there.

Reggie:
How would you like to see my fist heading down your throat then?

Silver:
Nice try lover boy but it looks like you struck out.

Rose:
[as Thorn the Huntsgirl] One dragon shish-ka-bob coming right up.

Rose:
[as Thorn] It's over, Dragon! Say Goodbye!

Jake Long:
[tied to a tree] Rose, no!

Rose:
Wh - What did you call me?

Jake Long:
Rose, if you want to say goodbye, say it to my human face.

[Jake transforms to human form]

Jake Long:
Rose it's me.

Rose:
Jake?

Jake Long:
Yo, Huntsgirl, why are you doing all this?

Rose:
[takes off her right glove and shows the dragon her birthmark] I am marked. It is my destiny.

Jake Long:
Yeah, well, I got a birthmark the shape of Idaho on my rear... doesn't mean I'm gonna move there.

Jake Long:
[after defeating a tooth minion] You know it! Ain't no thing but a chicken wing!

Jake Long:
Rose is my boo, after all we been through, and a love that is taboo, we're goin' on the love crew, me and my boo.

Rose:
You want me to break up with Jake? I could never hurt him. I know that sounds weird from someone who spent the last year trying to slay him, but I could never break his heart. Let alone my own.

Jake Long:
Check me out in "smokeavision"!

Jake's Grandfather:
And an unfocused and distracted dragon...

Rose:
...is a slain dragon. They taught that to us at the Huntsclan Academy.

Cheerleader Stacey:
[after being tied to a chair with Kyle by Trixie and Spud] Okay, I have no idea how I got tied to Kyle Wilkins, but I am so not complaining!

Professor Rotwood:
Admiral attempt Mr. Long, but you can't beat my young piano protige with that mangy puppet.

Fu Dog:
Hey, who are you calling mangy Molly Mc Hairpiece?

Jake Long:
Ha ha. Take it easy Captain Argh-Argh.

Fu Dog:
No, seriously, you might want to call an exterminator for that rats nest you call hair. I'd like to introduce you to a new concept. It's called a comb!

Jake Long:
[he stuffs Fu into a case] What can I say? He has a mind of his own.

Spud:
I'm sure Jake has a perfectly good reason to why he's stabbing his best friend in the back. Right Jerk - I mean Jake?

Haley Long:
Happy Noodle Year, freak.