An Audience with Joan Rivers

[reading a list of celebrities who couldn't make it that night]

Joan Rivers:
Paris Hilton - she's doing a new reality show: I'm a Celebrity, Get Him Out of Me... Joan Collins - she's at the British museum being carbon dated, I understand that. Oh, come on, "She's very young" Please! I remember when that b*tch was older than I was! No, but I gotta lot of respect for her. I love women who wear wigs and then a hat on top.