An Invisible Sign

Lisa:
Can I live with you after my mom die?

Mona Gray:
...My apartment is small.

Lisa:
I'm not that big.

Ben Smith:
Are you avoiding me, Ms. Gray?

Mona Gray:
I thought I dropped something out of the window.

Ben Smith:
Like what? A quadratic equation

Mona Gray:
More like a decimal point

Levan Beeze:
Ann's in a bad mood because her parents are getting divorced, my mom is her moms attorney.

Ann DiGanno:
They're not getting divorced, they're getting legally separated.

Mona Gray:
Levan, client attorney confidentiality is confidential, so, shh.

[first lines]

Mona Gray:
[narrating] I used to love my dad's stories, until the one he told me on my tenth birthday.

Dad:
There once was a kingdom where everybody lived forever. But the problem with nobody ever dying was that the kingdom got very crowded. And so the king, getting squeezed out of his own castle by his endless royal lineage, issued a decree.

King:
[still-life cartoon] Everybody in my kingdom, please pick one person from your family to die. We will have a mass execution that will bring forth much-needed space. Sorry to bum everybody out, but that's the way it goes.

Dad:
And each family showed up with their martyr, all except one family.

Father:
Sire, we can't decide. We love each other so much that we would all like to die together.

Baker:
Oh, no, they can't all die. They run the bakery. They make the best cinnamon buns in all the land.

Father:
What if we each cut off a piece of ourselves? And with all of these pieces combined, it will be as if one less person lived in town.

King:
Interesting. Hmm. Continue.

Dad:
But the daughter refused.

Daughter:
But, Dad, I like my limbs.

Father:
Don't be selfish. Would you rather one of us die?

Son:
You can have my arm.

Mother:
I'll give my right ear.

Baker:
I see no problem losing some of my fingers.

Father:
I'll throw in my nose.

King:
Guarantee me a leg, and it's a deal.

Daughter:
Well, I do have another one. Okay, I'm in.

Dad:
After the executioner had done the deed, the family made an unsightly sight and business went bad. So the family started selling their cinnamon buns by mail order to the next kingdom. And since no one had to look at them, they were a huge hit, and they made heaps of dough. And the father said to the daughter, "You see what we can accomplish if we all stick together?"The end.

Mona Gray:
[party guests all staring at Mona's Dad] It was the last birthday party I ever had.

Dad:
She'll never find an apartment with a toilet as strong as ours.

Ms. Gelband:
We like to think of ourselves as being ahead of the curve. One teacher for each subject. I guess that makes you our very own Ms. Math.

Mona Gray:
[narrating] To the world, they were just numbers. But to us, they were invisible signs.

Lisa:
[about her hair loop] This is my zero. It's from nature.

Ann DiGanno:
That's not nature. That's plastic.

Lisa:
Plastic comes from nature.

Levan Beeze:
It's man-made, and man is natural.

Mona Gray:
[narrating, about her student] Lisa wore the truth like a crown. She made jewelry out of saline and plastic. And all I had was the word "nothing."

Mom:
Let's go out for breakfast for a change, like a family.

Mona Gray:
But we *are* a family.

Mom:
Like another family, then.

Mona Gray:
No person is any greater than any other person!

Lisa:
That's not true. You're the greatest teacher in the school. [hugs her]

Mona Gray:
Once, this woman in Texas wrote out all the numbers from 1 to 1 billion. It took a few years... and a lot of paper.

Lisa:
Did she use recycled paper?

Mona Gray:
I don't know.

Lisa:
'Cause if she did, then that's a good story. But if she didn't, then that's a bad story.

Ben Smith:
[in movie theater] That guy right there, he's an expert bank robber, and he got caught making his last big score. But the police discovered this serial killer who leaves his victims in bank vaults, then stuffs their insides with money, so now the police need... The help of the bank robber.

Mona Gray:
What denomination of money are they stuffed with?

Ben Smith:
I can't answer that.

Ben Smith:
But it's an interesting question.

Ben Smith:
That's my thumb, Miss Gray.

Ben Smith:
I like you. I haven't liked anyone... like this in a long time.

Mona Gray:
How long were you engaged?

Ben Smith:
Seven months.

Mona Gray:
Which months?

Ben Smith:
December to July. Why?

Mona Gray:
That's 212 days. Unless it was a leap year.

Lisa:
[threatening Ann with the axe] I'm gonna divide you, subtract you, and multiply you.

Lisa:
[about Mona's nervous knocking habit] Why do you do it?

Mona Gray:
Why? Um... I do it when I feel... Alone.

Lisa:
Then that's why I do it. I want to be like you.

Mona Gray:
Don't do that. Don't be like me.

Lisa:
[starting to cry] But I'm alone. I'm all alone.

Mr. Jones:
I left the store open, I sold my car, all because of 42. Who gives a damn about anything else when you're wearing a 42?

Mr. Jones:
I'm sorry. Maybe that day, you just weren't yourself.

Mona Gray:
I don't think I've *ever* been myself.

Mona Gray:
I'm sorry. You were right. I was lying. Just so you know, next time, if there's ever gonna be a next time, when I say I'm going to the bathroom, don't let me.

Ben Smith:
I'm not gonna be your bathroom monitor, Miss Gray...

Ben Smith:
[a few minutes later] Mona? I forgot to tell you something. I lied. I will be your bathroom monitor.

Mona Gray:
I don't need a bathroom monitor.

Ben Smith:
You don't? [they kiss]

Mona Gray:
[narrating] My dad's fairy tale had it backwards. Love doesn't mean you have to sacrifice parts of yourself. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

[last lines]

Mona Gray:
There were 122 frogs in one pond, and 57 in another. How many frogs were there total?

Lisa:
That's not a good math story... 179.

Mona Gray:
Nice!

Lisa:
Do you know any better ones?

Mona Gray:
Let me think... I got one.

Lisa:
Put a 3 in it and a pirate.