Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

So here's the deal: A bunch of sassy scientific types, who all look as though tey've spent just as much time lifting barbells as they have beakers, head out into Borneo to find some rare flower that's the "pharmaceutical equivalent to the fountain of youth"--and end up dodging the digestive system of several mutant snakes during mating season. You gotta hate when that happens. If you don't, you soon will, because this in-name-only sequel to Anaconda, 1997's now seminal guilty pleasure, is proof that more does not necessarily mean merrier. The thing isn't even good-bad; it's cheap and completely unmemorable even as popcorn fodder. Director Dwight Little and his posse of his screenwriters have neither the budget nor the imagination to come on like a rip-snorting Aliens clone--it's pretty much one snake at a time, and frankly more concerned with the conniving British baddie (Matthew Marsden) who really, really wants that orchid. The cast of no-names is destined to remain that way, although the chiseled Johnny Messner, as a rugged jungle guide, provides a few hoots in his laughably stoic attempt at Vin Diesel-dom. It's hard to determine who you'd like eaten first. --Steve Wiecking

Genre: Adventure, Horror, Thriller
Stars: Johnny Messner, KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Nicholas Gonzalez
Production: Sony Pictures Releasing
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.6
Metacritic:
40
Rotten Tomatoes:
25%
  Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid Screenplay »
Edit  Buy   
PG-13
Year:
2004
97
$31,500,000
Website
1,578 Views

Bill Johnson:
It's mating season.

Cole Burris:
What so you're tellin' me there's some snake orgy in the jungle?

Bill Johnson:
Yeah.

Gordon Mitchell:
You mention "food" once more and I'm voting you off this island.

Cole Burris:
I had this friend, who had this friend who shot documentaries, and he and his whole crew went down to the Amazon, and they were all eaten by snakes.

Gordon Mitchell:
Are you okay now?

Gail Stern:
Yeah, I'm fine. And keep your hands off of me!

Gordon Mitchell:
It might be hard, but I'll try!

Gail Stern:
Hey! Over here b*tch!

Gail Stern:
How much further till my bath?

Gail Stern:
Can you hear me now? Sh*t. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

Cole Burris:
WE can!

Gail Stern:
Can you hear me now?

Gordon Mitchell:
Hey Gail, can you hear me now?

Sam Rogers:
In case you haven't noticed, Jack, we're in the middle of the jungle - your authority is what we say it is.

Cole Burris:
I had this friend, who had this friend who shot documentaries, and he and his whole crew went down to the Amazon, and they were all eaten by snakes, and that's a true story.

Gordon Mitchell:
Come on Cole, you knew a guy who knew a guy. That's an urban myth.

Ben "Benjamin" Douglas:
[the expedition is wading through a marsh - Ben starts humming the theme from "Jaws"] Duuh, dum, duuh, dum. Dum dum dum dum dum dum...

Gail Stern:
Stop that, or I swear to God I'll kill you!

[Ben giggles. Just then he gets pulled under the water]

Cole Burris:
(separated from the group) Guys, guys!(Cole sees a skeleton. He still screams in terror. Luckily, Tran finds him) Oh, no, no!

Tran Wu:
Stay together.

Gail Stern:
So how much further to my bath?

Bill Johnson:
Kotabaru? I'd say... another day downriver.

Cole Burris:
Another day? I'm not rowing another day, homeboy.

Bill Johnson:
All right. Let's see, we got this shortcut right up -

Sam Rogers, Cole Burris, and Gail Stern:
No!

Cole Burris:
[after Sam decapitates an anaconda] That's what I'm talking about! That's what I'm talking about, Sam! Oh, my God! You're the bomb! You Lorena Bobbitt-ed that ***! How you like that, *****? She sliced you! Diced you! She cut you up! That was like Sam with the samurai action! Say it now... [another anaconda snatches up Cole]

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