Angel from Hell

Allison:
So why do I need a guardian angel? There are so many people that need a guardian angel more than I do.

Amy:
Well, and they all have them. You see, guardian angels are like herpes. Everyone has a version of it that they don't know about, and no matter how hard they try, they can't get rid of us.

Amy:
99% of all coincidences are angels pulling strings.

Allison:
And the other 1%?

Amy:
The 1%. They control everything. Do you not get The Wall Street Journal?

Allison:
So what am I to learn from a woman whose fly is currently open?

Amy:
The value of a gentle breeze.

Allison:
So if you're an angel, do you fly?

Amy:
No, we are flightless, which technically makes us poultry.

Allison:
I tried to apologize to her but I don't think she heard me over the sound of her own yelling.

Allison:
I want you out of my life. I will file a restraining order. My uncle's a lawyer.

Amy:
Your uncle's a dentist.

Allison:
[frustrated] Why do you know everything?