Anger Management

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.

Dave Buznik:
That's why I'm proud to be an American...

Linda:
How 'bout a kiss?

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
I'd love a kiss.

Dave Buznik:
I think she talkin' to me. And, uh, I think I can handle it.

Nate:
Ohh, the anger sharks are swimming in my head!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Uh, Nate?

Nate:
Yes, Mr. Rydell?

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
I thought we agreed not to listen to games while in sessions.

Nate:
Oh, it's perfectely fine Mr. Rydell. I got it under control. See? Iverson just missed the shot, the Sixers lose. Who cares?... THE ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING MY HEAD. YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SH*T! YOU GOTTA DUNK THAT SH*T!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Now then we need to go over some ground rules. You are to refrain from any any acts of violence including verbal assault and vulgar hand gestures. You may not use rage enhancing substances, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine, slippy-flippy's, jelly stingers, trick sticks, bing bangs or flying willards.

Dave Buznik:
How 'bout fiddle-faddels?

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Under my supervision. Also, if you are unable to stop masterbating please, do so without the use of any pornographic images depicting quote, unquote 'angry sex.' That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun we can have together.

Dave Buznik:
Geez, without slippy-flippy's or angry masterbating I don't see how that's possible.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin... from now on, unacceptable.

Rudy Giuliani:
You can do it!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?

Dave Buznik:
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
You kicked some serious monk-ass there, baby!

Lou:
I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!

Lou:
Eskimos seem nice.

Dave Buznik:
I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling-out-my-penis-in-front-of-you-ophobe.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Can you please give me your name Mr. Head, and please don't tell me it's Dick!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea.

Dave Buznik:
She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Oh, ah, yes Andrew... the testicle with legs.

Chuck:
Here's my phone number.

Dave Buznik:
"I'm going to kill you b*tch"?

Chuck:
Oh sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.

Dave Buznik:
Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one in anger management.

Bobby Knight:
What? I don't need anger management! I thought this was sexaholics anonymous!

Dave Buznik:
Uh, I think that's down the hall.

Bobby Knight:
Oh SCREW THIS!

Chuck:
I think Eskimos are smug.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
I'm going to need you to retard your anger.

Dave Buznik:
It's retarded. I'm retarded.

Dave Buznik:
I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.

Kendra:
You are too cute.

Dave Buznik:
Get the f*** out of here.

Chuck:
I still remember the war...

Dave Buznik:
Oh, yeah?

Chuck:
Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming...

Dave Buznik:
Oh, you were in Vietnam?

Chuck:
No... Grenada.

Dave Buznik:
Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?

Chuck:
What, do you think you're better than me, 'cause you got both your nuts?

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
I'm a pretty good guy and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much fun we can have together.

Dave Buznik:
Jeeze, without slippy-flippies or angry masturbating? I don't see how that's possible

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Jibber jabber jibber jabbering, mumbo jumbo, denial, key-key-key-key-key-key!

Buddy:
Take off your clothes, I have a relaxing technique I want to show you, it will be good for you.

David:
You wanna see me naked Buddy?

Buddy:
Are you a homophobe Dave?

David:
No, I'm a taking-my-clothes-off-in-front-of-you-a-phobe.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Might I have your first name Mr. Head, and tell me it isn't Dick.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Ah, Fran. Isn't that normally a girl's name?

Chuck:
You're gonna come down here before the black wolf swallows my brain! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
You hear that frog?

Stacy:
Uh, we're in the adult film industry, and, we're lovers.

Gina:
Yeah.

Stacy:
So Gina was having sex with this guy Meelo which was totally cool cause it was in the script.

Gina:
So we invited him back to the house because we like a little variety...

Stacy:
I look up and see Gina kissing Meelo on the MOUTH which is not cool, because it violates our threesome code of ethics!

Gina:
So Stacy bit my toe off.

Stacy:
Then Meelo starts yelling, calling me a crazy skank...

Gina:
And nobody talks to my b*tch that way.

Stacy:
That's right.

Gina:
So I stapled his lip SHUT.

Dave Buznik:
Well, we've all... been there.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Sarcasm is the second cousin of Anger.

Dave Buznik:
Flirting is the second cousin of Cheating.

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Dave assaulted a female flight attendant.

Stacy:
Nice.

Gina:
I bet you beat her good.

Dave Buznik:
i didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...

Chuck:
Liar, Bullshiter... you're a WOMAN BEATER! And you can't admit it because you're a deluded piece of garbage!

Nate:
Don't worry doc, it's just a regular season game. Not that big of a deal... See, iverson just missed a layup, sixers lose.

Nate:
Ooooohhhh the anger sharks are swimming! You gotta dunk that sh*t! You gotta dunk that sh*t!

Dr. Buddy Rydell:
Nate! Nate! Repeat after me, goosefraba.

Nate:
Goose... blah blah