Apple Dumpling Gang

Theodore Oglivie:
Why did you tell me those three biddy kids were a posse?

Amos Tucker:
Well, I thought I saw them down there in the bushes.

Theodore Ogelvie:
Oh, you couldn't see through a barb wire fence.

Homer McCoy:
Welcome to Quake City, Donovan. Looks like luck is against you.

Russell Donovan:
Well, there's one good thing about luck - it always changes. And I got a feeling mine is just around the corner.

Amos Tucker:
How much money do you figure that dude's got in front of him?

Theodore Ogelvie:
About five hundred.

Amos Tucker:
Five hundred? Wow! You know, that'll be, uh, that's two hundred apiece!

John Wintle:
Donovan! I haven't seen you since, ah...

Russell Donovan:
Santa Fe.

John Wintle:
Right!

Russell Donovan:
When you sold me the Marshal's horse.

John Wintle:
Right. I was just funnin', Donovan.

Russell Donovan:
The Marshal wasn't amused.

Homer McCoy:
This court is now in session, the Honorable Homer McCoy presiding. Theodore Ogelvie, Amos Tucker, you're charged with attempted bank robbery. How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?

Theodore Oglivie:
Not guilty?

Homer McCoy:
Guilty!

Amos Tucker:
That was the wrong one.

Homer McCoy:
This court sentences you to be hung by the neck until dead. And I'm fining you an extra ten bucks for perjury. Let 'em out.

Homer McCoy:
Be down at the old oak tree near Boot Hill at twelve o'clock sharp for your hanging. And bring your own rope.

Frank Stillwell:
Anytime you got one of them down-home sheriffs, you always got a town full of vigilantes.

Homer McCoy:
I've never teamed two more unlikely prospects. You two go together like ice cream and whiskey. But I guess you'd be man and wife same as regular people, and nobody could say different.

Theodore Ogelvie:
You know something, Amos?

Amos Tucker:
Huh?

Theodore Ogelvie:
We got to make a decision.

Amos Tucker:
What?

Theodore Oglivie:
Does the Hash Knife Outfit throw in its hand? Or do we go out in a blaze of glory?

Amos Tucker:
Right! Uh, just what do you mean... blaze of glory?

Theodore Oglivie:
Fighting till the last man's killed! What's it going to be, pard?

Amos Tucker:
You know that jail in Santa Fe wasn't all that bad.

Theodore Ogelvie:
The Lord poured your brains in with a teaspoon and somebody joggled his arm. I keep trying to tell you we ain't got no lead to throw and no powder to throw it with.

Homer McCoy:
Donovan, this is just a half portion of a town, but we do have certain what you might call rules to live by! You don't jump another man's claim; you don't steal his wife, woman or whiskey; you don't strike a bargain and then entertain second thoughts about the matter. Any one of these offenses could make you the exalted guest of honor at a hemp party.

Theodore:
You couldn't sell a hacksaw in a jail!

Sheriff Homer McCoy:
If you need a haircut, Wintle, my barbershop's closed. If you're lookin' to sue somebody, my court's open every Tuesday. If you want the sheriff, I'm playin' poker. Deuces bet a dollar.

Bobby:
Clovis don't like to be touched.

Theodore:
Will you stop tryin' to think!

Theodore:
You and me been through a lot together, and although I climbed your hump once in a while, I - I just couldn't have asked for a better partner. If we meet again in that big roundup in the sky sometime, I'm gonna spread my blanket 'side of yours, just the same as always.

Theodore:
That head of yours couldn't hold straw!

Theodore:
It's a piece of cake.

Amos:
You mean it ain't gold?

Sheriff McCoy:
You're rear end's on fire, Theodore.

Theodore:
Oh. Thank you.

Theodore:
Why didn't you tell me my rear end was on fire?

Amos:
Well, you said not to do anything to attract attention.

Sheriff McCoy:
Dusty's a fine specimen of womanhood! I seen her get caught in a cloudburst once, and I wanna to tell you!

Donovan:
Three 'widdle' kids? Three little swindlers, you mean.

Theodore:
Get back, you cabbage head.

Bobby:
Where's your friend?

Theodore:
He better be in another county!

Sheriff McCoy:
You two couldn't steal candy from a baby without coming out on the short end.

Theodore:
You don't thank a man for hanging you, you leather-brained ignoramus.

Sheriff McCoy:
That's two bits.

Sheriff McCoy:
A whole shave's four bits. Now git before I fine you for loitering.

Donovan:
Dusty, will you just let me say one word?

Dusty:
One!

Donovan:
Dusty...

Dusty:
That's it!

Bobby:
We want you to have our gold nugget.

Amos:
What gold nugget is that?

Bobby:
The one you tried to steal.

Amos:
Oh, that gold nugget.

Amos:
Uh, still aren't mad 'cause I shot you in the leg, are you, Frank?

Amos:
I'm gonna buy some new toes.

Donovan:
You always kiss like that?

Dusty:
I've been saving up.

Dusty:
Donovan? Yes you, you snake oil salesman! Are you coming out here or am I coming in there?

Russell Donovan:
What's the matter, Dusty? Is there some trouble?

Dusty:
Yes, there's trouble all right! And you're in it!

Clovis:
What's that?

Russell Donovan:
Salt pork.

Russell Donovan:
I think.

Clovis:
It looks like fat.

Russell Donovan:
Well, whatever it, it's dinner.

Frank Stillwell:
If I ever get within shootin' distance of that doggone Amos Tucker, he's gonna have "winders" where his ears was.

John Wintle:
I'm leaving for San Francisco tonight.

Sheriff McCoy:
San Francisco's loss is Quake City's gain.