Arli$$

Salesman:
Remember, this is what people want: big tits and big hits! Big tits and big hits!

[Show opening voiceover]

Arliss Michaels:
For most of us the dream of becoming a champion remains a fantasy. But for a special few it is very much a reality. We cheer them. We live through them. Athletes are our last warriors. My job is to make their dreams come true. My name is Arliss Michaels. I represent athletes. These are my stories.

Giselle:
Perhaps I underestimated you.

Arliss Michaels:
Oh I hope so. I make my living off of people that underestimate me.

Drew:
No more commercials for creamed corn, which I had to eat mercilessly over and over and over again. Like giving a tablespoon a blow job swallowing that gunk.

[Arliss and some clients are playing poker]

Jerome "The Bus" Bettis:
Yeah, Arliss got me $4.6 million up front. What's the bet?

Arliss Michaels:
$2.

Jerome "The Bus" Bettis:
That's too rich for my blood.

Arliss Michaels:
I guess the bus stops here.

[During a radio show]

Jim Rome:
Well guess who just grabbed a vine? The maestro of manipulation himself, Arliss Michaels.

Alexi:
Surely you realize I'm a natural blonde.

Rita Wu:
Surely you realize we shower together.

Rita Wu:
[Arliss is wondering why one of his clients, a black quarterback can't get on a team] I told you the reason why. It's as clear as black and white.

Arliss Michaels:
More like black and puce. I just picked up a rumor that Theo Holt is gay.

Kirby Carlisle:
Gay? No way. Theo Holt doesn't sing from the mike... We've chased tail together. He's been my wingman for a dozen missions.

Arliss Michaels:
Has he ever shot down any planes?

Rita Wu:
[Rita has been called into work so early, rollers are still in her hair] Even Katie Couric doesn't get up this early.