Arthur Newman

[first lines]

Unemployment Official:
Congratulations, Mr. Avery. Putting you in the system, you're good to go. So by next week.

Wallace Avery:
I, I can't wait 'til next week, I have business prospects elsewhere.

Unemployment Official:
Oh, good for you, sir. Are you going to work at another FedEx?

Arthur Newman:
Where are the real hot dogs?

Cashier Girl:
Uh, we don't have them any more. Just the tofu dogs.

Arthur Newman:
How is that possible? You know, not all of us want the healthy alternative.

Mike:
Who are you? I mean really.

Arthur Newman:
I guess I've always been Arthur Newman. Life just forced another individual on me.

Kevin Avery:
Didn't you think he was kind of boring?

Mina Crawley:
Focus on the positive. You're dad was - is...

Kevin Avery:
Come on, Mina.

Mina Crawley:
Okay, he was incredibly boring.

Kevin Avery:
I mean, the lectures. Boring does not...

Mina Crawley:
I love him, though. I love him.

Kevin Avery:
Yeah. It's a lot easier to love a dead man, isn't it?

Arthur Newman:
Family just crushes your heart, doesn't it?

[last lines]

Mike:
Bye, Wallace.

Arthur Newman:
Don't worry, I know where to find you.

Wallace Avery:
"Family just crushes your heart..."