Beautiful Thing

Sandra:
It's for his bird.

Tony:
Do you have to use words like that? It really disempowers you.

Sandra:
Where are you going?

Jamie:
Out with my mates.

Sandra:
Jamie... you don't got any mates.

Sandra:
It's not natural, is it?

Jamie:
What ain't?

Sandra:
A girl her age being into Mama Cass.

Leah:
She's got a really beautiful voice.

Sandra:
And what's wrong with Madonna?

Leah:
She's a slut.

Sandra:
Hypocrite.

Jamie:
Scared to be called queer.

Ste:
Are you?

Jamie:
Maybe... maybe not.

Ste:
And are ya?

Jamie:
Queer...

Ste:
Gay.

Jamie:
Very happy. I'm happy when I'm with you...

Sandra:
What happened? School burned down, did it?

Jamie:
Yeah.

Sandra:
What was it this time? IRA bomb?

Jamie:
Fundamentalist Muslim pyromaniacs.

Sandra:
Oh, funny, that. Looked all right when I walked past it.

Ste:
There ain't nowhere else.

Sandra:
There is, actually, Ste. There's an island in the Mediterranean called Lesbian, and all its inhabitants are dykes.

Ste:
You always wear glasses when you read?

Jamie:
Supposed to.

Ste:
But you don't at school.

Jamie:
It's hardly fetching, is it?

Ste:
Nah, looks alright.

Jamie:
Really?

Ste:
I'm tellin' ya.

Jamie:
Cheers.

Miss Chauhan:
Right, now, this is Mr. Bennett and he's gonna be taking the boys for football. Mr. Bennett foolishly wants to be a teacher.

Ryan McBride:
What you f***ing looking at?

Miss Chauhan:
Er, less f***ing and more attention please.

Miss Chauhan:
Something you might have said to your boyfriend, that, Gina.

Ste:
Do you think I'm queer?

Jamie Gangel:
It don't matter what I think.

Leah Russell:
I wish I was the one that was going away. Nothing ever happens around here. I gets up in the morning, bake my face in half a ton of slap, tong my hair with yesterday's lacquer, that's it. It's the same every bleeding day. There's f***-all to look forward to.

Ste:
You cannot transmit the HIV virus by frottage.

Jamie Gangel:
What's frottage?

Ste:
It's yogurt. It's French.

Sandra Gangel:
Now you just remember I won a year's supply of toilet freshener for making up that poem. That took brains and artistry, that did.

Ryan:
What you f***in' looking at!?

Miss Chauhan:
Less "f***ing" and more attention, please! [looking at a pregnant student] Something you might have said to your boyfriend that, Gina.

Mr. Bennet:
Oy, He! What's his name?

McBride:
Hugh, sir. Hugh Janus. (Huge anus)

Tony:
Jamie... how old are you?

Jamie:
Old enough. How old are you?

Tony:
Twenty-seven; not old enough to be your dad, right?

Ryan:
How about a drink?

Sandra:
Have a wank, big bollocks!

Neighbour:
It's her; she can't control her kids!

Leah's Mother:
I have only got the one, you know.

Neighbour:
It's just as bloody well!

[Jamie and Ste go to bed]

Jamie:
...Ste?

Ste:
Hm?

Jamie:
You alright?

Ste:
Yeah.

[Jamie pauses]

Jamie:
...Ste?

Ste:
What?

Jamie:
Night.

Ste:
Night, Jamie.

Sandra:
What's the matter with Madonna?

Leah:
She's a slag.

Sandra:
Hypocrit.

Jamie:
Scared of being called queer!?

Ste:
...Are you?

Jamie:
Maybe... maybe not.

Ste:
And are you?

Jamie:
Queer?

Ste:
Gay.

Jamie:
I'm very happy. I'm happy when I'm with you... There, I said it now; go on, piss yourself.

Ste:
No.

Jamie:
Why, don't you think it's funny?

Ste:
I don't want to.

Jamie:
I think it's hilarious.

Ste:
Why aren't you laughing then?

Jamie:
I'm a queer! A bender! Puffer! Nob-shiner! Brown-atter! Shirt-flap lifter--!

Tony:
--I get the picture.

Jamie:
Now just leave me alone.

Tony:
And she knows this?

Jamie:
[sarcastically] No, I thought I'd tell you first!

Jamie:
Thanks for telling me.

Sandra:
Snap.

Sandra:
You, out! You're under age.

Leah:
I'm only drinking Coke.

Sandra:
You'll drinking blood when I slap your face. Now move it!

Leah:
Oh, you're so hard!

Slasher:
Was that a threat?

Sandra:
Yeah, and here's another one: Get out before I call your child minder.

Leah:
Come on Slasher, I don't want to be asked.

Sandra:
¿Slasher?... ¿What do you slash? ¿Crepe paper?

Leah:
He's incontinent.

Interviewer:
To whom would you offer the job?

Sandra:
It's obvious. Isn't it?

Sandra:
The bird with the biggest tits.

Jamie:
It's my mom's. The Body Shop. Peppermint foot lotion... soothes your feet.

Jamie:
Lay down, and I'll rub it into your back. If you want.

After Jamie kissed Ste

Ste:
Do you think I'm queer?

Jamie:
It doesn't matter what I think.

Jamie:
Can I touch you?

Ste:
I'm a bit sore.

Jamie:
Yeah.

Sandra:
Ey, Ste!, any beans to spill? A little bird tells me that you're in love.

Ste:
What?

Sandra:
A four-letter word, love.

Sandra:
Oh, don't look so worried, Jamie told me all about it.

Tony:
She's just jeleaous. Twenty years younger and could have been her.

Sandra:
Come on, what's she like!?... Well, what's her name then!?

Ste:
No-.

Sandra:
Oh, short for Nolene? It's very Home and Away.

Ste:
I got you this.

Jamie:
Oh My, What a pretty hat! It's the prettiest hat I ever did seen Mr. Steven. Does this mean were engaged?

Sandra:
It's a work of art. Isn't it?

Jamie:
Claude Monet couldna done better.

Sandra:
Argh! Get a life!

Jamie:
Do you know who Claude Monet is?

Sandra:
Jamie! don't make me out to be fick.

Sandra:
Now, you just remember, I won a year's supply of toilet freshener for making up that poem. It took brains and artistry that.

Jamie:
Some things are just hard to say.

Sandra:
I know, I know that.

Jamie:
You think I'm young, that it's just a phase. You think I'll catch AIDS... and everything.

Sandra:
You know a lot about me, don't you?

[Jamie is crying]

Sandra:
Don't cry.

Sandra:
It's all right. I'm not going to put you out in the morning like an empty bottle.

Leah:
I suppose you don't have any job in your new pub.

Sandra:
No. But if I someday turn it into a brothel, I'll get back to you then. OK?

Sandra:
Ey, Leah.

Leah:
What?

Sandra:
What's this dyke will be like?

Leah:
Ah, big and butch.

Sandra:
What colour eyes?

Leah:
Hmm. Green.

Sandra:
Tall?

Leah:
I'll have to look up.

Sandra:
Nice.

Leah:
Yeah.

Sandra:
Louise?

Louise:
Yeah?

Sandra:
I would never have a grandchildren.

Louise:
Ouh.

Sandra:
There's me going to bed every night worried because you had to share a bed with Ste, and all the time you were... you turned a seventy minus one.

Sandra:
No, I know what you need... a shooting.