Beavis and Butt-Head Do America

Agent Bork:
Chief! Ya know that guy whose camper they were whackin' off in?

Agent Fleming:
Bork, you're a federal agent! You represent the United States Government! Never end a sentence with a preposition.

Agent Bork:
Oh, uh... Ya know that guy in whose camper they... I... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?

President Clinton:
Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.

Butt-head:
Huh huh huh, he said extend!

Beavis:
Oh, yeah!

Butt-head's Dad:
You got a match?

Butt-head:
Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.

Agent Fleming:
Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I'm talking Roto-Rooter! Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth!

Hoover Dam Guide:
Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas?

Beavis:
Yeah, I just have a question. Is this a God damn?

Dallas Grimmes:
10 grand?

Dallas Grimmes:
That cheap-ass! Alright I've got a better deal for you - I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back and do him.

Butt-head:
You want us to do a guy? No way!

Beavis:
I don't know, Butt-head. That *is* a lot of money! Maybe we can close our eyes and pretend he's a pretty good chick.

Beavis:
Are you threatening ME?

Tom Anderson:
Boy, I never seen so much whackin'.

Beavis:
I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.

Little Old Lady:
I'm sorry, son. I got this ringin' in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.

Beavis:
Really? I poop too much.

Little Old Lady:
Oh. Maybe you're... lactose-intolerant.

Beavis:
No, no. I POOP TOO MUCH! Then I get tired.

Beavis:
Why does everybody want to see my schlong?

Old Woman on Bus:
I'm hoping to score big myself. I'll mostly be doing the slots.

Beavis:
Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts too.

Butt-head:
Did I just score?

Butt-head:
This is gonna be cool. We're getting paid to score.

Beavis:
Yeah yeah, hnh hnh, then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with *two* remotes! Hnh hnh.

Butt-head:
Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.

Butt-head:
This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

Butt-head:
Hey, baby! I noticed you have braces. I have braces too!

Muddy Grimmes:
You got any last words before I kill ya?

Butt-head:
I got a couple - buttcheeks.

Beavis:
Yeah - and b*obs. I just wanna say that again... B*obs.

Muddy Grimmes:
I'm gonna blow ya both to hell,that's what I'm goin' to do!

Butt-head:
Cool.

Beavis:
This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.

Butt-head:
This desert is stupid. They should put a drinking fountain out here.

Beavis:
Yeah, yeah. Or like a 7-11, or something.

Agent Flemming:
Well I'll be a monkey's bare assed uncle!

Man:
I'm sorry, how many Hail-Marys?

Beavis:
A thousand! And I want you to hit yourself! Right now!

Man:
Um, now?

Beavis:
Yes, do it!

Beavis:
Yeah, harder!

Bill Clinton:
I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms.

Butt-head:
Whoa! Huh huh, alcohol and tobacco?

Beavis:
Yeah and firearms.

Bill Clinton:
Cool huh?

Butt-head:
Cigarettes and beer kick ass.

Beavis:
Yeah, we're in the bureau of beer and fire, and cigarettes, and maybe some chicks too.

Pilot:
Get the hell out of the cockpit!

Butt-head:
Huh huh, you said...

Pilot:
Now!

Beavis:
Doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street? Cause I just gotta stop by his tool shed for a few minutes. Know what I'm sayin'?

Butt-head:
Tool, huh huh huh.

Butt-head:
Hey, Beavis, I'm jacking off.

Butt-head:
Uh, Master-a... Masturbation?

Tom Anderson:
Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day.

Marcie Anderson:
They're here to look at the TV.

Tom Anderson:
What? The TV ain't broken.

Beavis:
Yeah it is.

Butt-head:
Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?

Butt-head:
Whoa! I just figured something out, Beavis?

Beavis:
What's that?

Butt-head:
This sucks!

Beavis:
Yeah! It *really* sucks!

Butt-head:
This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.

Little Old Lady:
Yoo-hoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!

Butt-head:
It's like, uh... coming out of his ass. But also, like... it's coming out of the ass of the ass.

Beavis:
Yeah! It's like... the poop's coming out of the ass... of the ass!

Muddy Grimmes:
Man, Earl said you guys were young, but... jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?

Butt-head:
Uh, Butt-head.

Beavis:
Beavis.

Muddy Grimmes:
Heh heh. That's OK. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. My name's Muddy.

Beavis:
We're in Washington.

Butt-head:
We're gonna score.

Little Old Lady:
We're not to Washington yet, son. This is the Hoover Dam.

Beavis:
Uh... no, no. We're in WASHINGTON!

Butt-head:
WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!

Beavis:
Wait. We can't leave Washington yet. We never met that chick.

Little Old Lady:
Oh, we're a long way from Washington. Right now, we're at the Hoover Dam.

Beavis:
Damn. Heh heh. I'll be damned.

Beavis:
You must bow down to the almighty bunghole!

Muddy:
You guy's are late

Butt-head:
Really? Did we miss Baywatch?

Beavis:
Hey Butt-head, are we gonna die?

Butt-head:
Uhhhhhh... probably.

Tom Anderson:
What in the dam hell?

Tom Anderson:
AAAAUUGGGH! AAAAUUGGH!

Beavis:
Hey how's it going?

Tom Anderson:
DON'T YOU EVER CATCH ME SEEING YOU DOING THAT AND PULL YOU'R DAMN PANTS UP!

Beavis:
Something's wrong with my butt!

Butt-head:
Your butt sucks!