Bedtime Stories

Skeeter Bronson:
What the heck is on my head right now?

Skeeter Bronson:
[Skeeter sings to the staff] Barry had a Nottingham. Nottingham. Nottingham. Barry had a Nottingham whose beard was white as snow. [Skeeter stops singing] C'mon, give it up for the big man.

Skeeter Bronson:
Lucky my wallet only had three dollars, and my Derek Jeter baseball card!

Skeeter Bronson:
I'll have me win in the story, so I'll win for real. Do ya dig?

Skeeter Bronson:
[Barry Nottingham doesn't want to hug Skeeter because of germs] Let's get past that. OK. Oh, see? Look, your enjoying it. We're hugging, and nothing's happening.

Skeeter Bronson:
The Big Hotel Idea Story!

Skeeter Bronson:
Gotta babysit my niece and nephew tonight. Oh God. Got any advice for me?

Skeeter Bronson:
[talking on the phone from the next room] EMERGENCY! [enters the room] They don't have a TV.

Skeeter Bronson:
There are no happy endings in real life. The sooner you guys learn that, the better.

Skeeter Bronson:
[looking at Bugsy's (guinea pig) eyes] Those would look big on a cow.

Jill Hastings:
It's not that big, sir. It can fit into one spot.

Jill Hastings:
Excuse me Mr. Nottingham. My name is Jill Hastings. I'm a teacher at Webster Elementary.

Jill Hastings:
That's my Prius.

Patrick Bronson:
[Skeeter mistakes him for Bobbi] I'm Patrick. She's Bobbi.

Patrick Bronson:
Girls are bisgrusting, except for Trisha Sparks.

Patrick Bronson:
[looks at the stars] Oh look. A pyramid.

Patrick Bronson:
You have to read us a bedtime story.

Bobbi Bronson:
[is asked how hamburgers taste like] Lifechanging.

Bobbi Bronson:
Patrick's never kissed a girl.

Bobbi Bronson:
[looking at Skeeter's gifts] Shampoo, and a soap?

Barry Nottingham Yes. Now, sign the bloody papers.

Mickey [translating Skeeter's gibberish] Jumping up and down on the alligator.

Barry Nottingham Germs!

Mickey Oh, so positive visualisation. I read a book on that once...I read the back cover...I can't read. [Bugsy starts laughing] Shut up, Bugsy! I've got opposable thumbs. What do you think about that? [Bugsy stops laughing]

Dialogue:
Skeeter Am I really getting a cherry-red ferrari?

Dialogue:
Robber I don't see why not.

Dialogue:
Skeeter For freeeee?

Dialogue:
Robber Sounds good to meeeee.

Dialogue:
Violet Nottingham Skeeter? Skeeter Bronson?

Dialogue:
Skeeter Yes, ma'am.

Dialogue:
Skeeter Raining gumballs?

Dialogue:
Patrick It's a bedtime story. Anything can happen.

Dialogue:
Skeeter Yeah, well I guess, in the story. I just wish it was like that in real life. I really do. [imaginary wind chimes sound]

Dialogue:
Bobbi You go into a magical cave.

Dialogue:
Skeeter Caves are nice.

Dialogue:
Bobbi And Abe Lincoln's there.

Dialogue:
Skeeter Abe Lincoln?! What, is this a joke to you?! What the heck's the matter with you?!

Dialogue:
Skeeter So you need me, this is good. I´ll do it. But you will have to say "Skeeter is the coolest, I´m a nerd".

Dialogue:
Wendy Skeeter is the coolest, I´m a nerd

Dialogue:
Skeeter Yeah, you are

Skeeter Bronson:
[looking at Bugsy's (guinea pig) eyes] DAAAAAAAAAAH! Wow! Those would look big on a cow! Are those eyeballs or bowling balls? Need to keep my eyes off him, goodbye.

Jill Hastings:
[to Skeeter after he finds out that the new hotel is replacing Webster Elementary School] Don't destroy the sliver of respect I still have for you by making lame excuses. Just go away and stay away.