Behind the Candelabra

Liberace:
I love to give the people a good time.

Liberace:
I hate my life sometimes, I really do.

Liberace:
I have an eye for new and refreshing talent.

Scott Thorson:
You have an eye for new and refreshing dick.

Scott Thorson:
I can't believe you're so Catholic.

Liberace:
Devout.

Liberace:
Who the hell do you think you are talking to?

Liberace:
All of a sudden we're sounding like a gay Lucy and Ricky. "Oh, Ricky, you wouldn't f*** me up the ass if you loved me!"

Scott Thorson:
Why am I the Lucy?

Liberace:
Because I'm the bandleader with the nightclub act.

Liberace:
I want to be everything to you, Scott. I want to be father, brother, lover, best friend.

Scott Thorson:
Being somebody's boyfriend, I didn't picture my life like this. I wanted to be a veterinarian.

Liberace:
You want to help animals? Pick up the dog sh*t.

Scott Thorson:
I'm bisexual.

Liberace:
Well which half likes women? I haven't met that half yet.

Liberace:
[Final love song] Why do I love you? I love you not only for what you are, But for what I am when I'm with you I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, But for what you are making of me. I love you for ignoring the possibilities of the fool in me, And for accepting the possibilities of the good in me. Why do I love you? I love you for closing your eyes to the discords in me, And for adding to the music in me by worshipful listening. I love you for helping me to construct of my life Not a tavern but a temple I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign You have done it by just being yourself Perhaps after all, that is what love means And that is why I love you.

Liberace:
What a story. It's got everything but a fire at the orphanage.

Carlucci:
Pig?

Scott Thorson:
What?

Carlucci:
Pig in a blanket, do you want a pig in a blanket?

Liberace:
I don't want to see you depressed. When you have a sad face, I get sad.

Liberace:
[after Scott passes out at an adult video store] I'm not ready for apologies, OK?

Scott Thorson:
Apology? F*** you! You are a well known star! Are you out of your mind, going to a place like that? I mean, what if someone would have recognized you? What if they had gone to the press?

Liberace:
When a London paper said I was gay, I took them to court, and I won that law suit. They retracted the story and they paid for it.

Scott Thorson:
Only because they didn't have a witness seeing you with a room full of d*ldos, with your dick hanging out of a glory hole! Are you out of your f***ing mind?

Scott Thorson:
[angrily eyeballing Cary James] There you are, you cock-sucking tenor f***.

Scott Thorson:
[on the phone] You scumbag piece of sh*t! Fairy! You f***ing queen cocksucker! How dare you? How f***ing dare you, Lee? I could kill you! I could f***ing kill you!

Liberace:
[watching himself on TV] Oh my Christ, I look like my father! I look like my father in drag!

Carlucci:
[goes outside to deliver Scott some food] He made you a pesto panini.

Scott Thorson:
Oh. Did you, uh... did you bring my Fresca?

[Carlucci says nothing, looks disapprovingly at him]

Scott Thorson:
What?

Carlucci:
[sighs] Here's what's gonna happen. You listening? You think you're so hot and sexy with your hard ass and that bisexual bullshit. You know how many there have been? Bobby, Hans, Chase, oh and some country boy stripper who was so dumb, he wore his G-string backwards. He got rid of all of them, but I'm still here. And one day, Lee is gonna call Seymour and he's gonna tell him to get rid of you.

Liberace:
[to Seymour on the phone] I told you not to call this number.

Seymour Heller:
Hi Lee, I'm sorry, I have to talk to you about these dates. We've got six months of bookings.

Liberace:
I already told you the dates I would do. I'm not working after Thanksgiving during the holidays. [quietly to Scott] Especially now.

Seymour Heller:
But you can make double on holiday shows. Take a vacation later.

Liberace:
Seymour, I do not want to be the richest piano player in the grave. Forget it.

Scott Thorson:
No definitely not. You're already working too hard.

Seymour Heller:
Lee, give the phone to Scott. I have a question for him.

Scott Thorson:
Hey, Seymour.

Seymour Heller:
Hey, Scott. Why don't you stay outta my f***in' business. Now give me back to Lee.

Liberace:
[to Seymour] OK. No, you cannot come for dinner tomorrow night, I'm making pork [Scott and Lee sn*gger]

Liberace:
You know what? I have a great idea. Why don't you come work for me?

Scott:
As what?

Liberace:
Well, you can be my secretary.

Scott:
I don't type.

Liberace:
Hell, Scott. I can pay people to type. I need a companion, a bodyguard, someone to keep people off my back. Someone I can talk to, the way we talked tonight. You can be my right hand man. You can take care of the animals. Please, say yes, Scott.

Liberace:
Now, Jack. I want to talk to you about doing some surgery on Scott here.

Scott:
What?

Dr. Jack Startz:
Fine. What would you like me to do as Scott?

Liberace:
[holds up a portrait of himself] I want you to make Scott look like this. Can you do that?

Dr. Jack Startz:
Oh, I see. Oh, yes. I think I can do what you want. He's gonna need a nose job and I'm going to have to restructure his cheek bones and his chin with silicone implants, but its not impossible. But first, we gotta slim him down. I have a terrific diet, the California diet, guaranteed loss fifteen pounds in four weeks.

Liberace:
[while performing the Boogie Woogie] As the next part of the Boogie Woogie is so strange that it calls for an explanation, is called a Boogie Woogie break. And when I'm playing it and, like, stop at a certain point, you're going to think I forgot the music. But I didn't forget the music; there's just no music written for that part. That's why they call it a break.

Liberace:
I love it! That was terrific! Ya see, George. I told you, men do come to my concerts. Well, I really appreciate it and I know somebody else out in the audience that appreciates it too. And that's my mom. Mom, I'll tell you what. Let them hear it from you and I'll play it just for you. Okay, mom?

Liberace:
I really thank you all for joining me in this Boogie Woogie, and I'd like to try a little experiment. I've been playing this Boogie Woogie at eight beats to the bar. I'd like to try playing it now at sixteen beats to the bar.

Liberace:
[to Scott] Well, this must be fate.

Liberace:
[Scott imagines seeing Liberace performing one last time. Last lines] To dream the impossible dream. To be better far than you are. To try, when your arms are too weary. To reach the unreachable star. This is my quest to follow that star. No matter how hopeless. No matter how far. Be willing to give and there's no more to give. Be willing to die so that honor and justice may live and I know and I'll only be true to this glorious quest. My heart, shall lie peaceful and calm, when I'm laid to my rest. Thank you. Thank you. You have made me the happiest piano player who has ever lived and no matter what I still believe and always will. Too much of a good thing is wonderful.