Benny & Joon

Sam:
You don't like raisins?

Joon:
Not really.

Sam:
Why?

Joon:
They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.

Sam:
Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?

Joon:
They scare me.

Sam:
Yeah me too

Joon:
It's sick. The commercial people they make them sing and dance so people will eat them.

Sam:
It's a shame about raisins.

Joon:
Cannibals.

Sam:
Yeah. Do you like avocados?

Joon:
They're a fruit you know.

Sam:
Ruthie, do you got any avocados?

Sam:
How sick is she?

Benny:
Oh, she's plenty sick.

Sam:
Oh. Because you know, it seems to me that, aside from being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.

Joon:
Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.

Joon:
Having a Boo Radley moment, are we?

Joon:
What?

Sam:
Kirk Douglas... Van Gogh... ear...

Joon:
Oh.

Sam:
I'm Sam.

Benny:
So I hear... I'm Benny.

Sam:
With an 'n'?

Benny:
Yea two of 'em... this is Joon.

Sam:
With an 'n'?

Joon:
One... You're out of your tree.

Sam:
It's... not my tree

Benny:
You can't bet a human being!

Joon:
You can't throw him out, I won him!

Joon:
She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.

Benny:
She's a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.

Joon:
Did you have to go to school for that?

Sam:
No, no, I got thrown out of school for that.

Sam:
Why don't you like raisins?

Joon:
Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes.

Sam:
Thanks for the couch. Um... Mike made me sleep under the sink.

Joon:
Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?

Sam:
Mommy?

Joon:
He can really cook, can't he?

Benny:
Yeah, although for grilled cheese, I might use the wool setting.

Joon:
That's what I told him.

Benny:
Really? What did he use?

Joon:
Rayon. Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...

Benny:
Would have burned it.

Joon:
Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.

Benny:
So why'd you leave?

Ruthie:
L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.

Benny:
Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.

Ruthie:
Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?

Benny:
Sam? Uh, 72 hours.

Ruthie:
Be serious.

Benny:
I am.

Ruthie:
Really?

Benny:
I'm always serious. I'm too serious.

Eric:
Salad shooter!

Sam:
Oh my God! I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a guy with a little mole on his right cheek. AH! Oh, Brad, Brad, please don't be dead Brad. I never got a chance to tell you want you meant to me Oh, Brad, please! It's you! You're you! Ruthie Melony, co star of the Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Bebe!

Ruthie:
You saw that?

Sam:
He was mine! He was mine! No Cindy! You're sick you need help. No, Cindy! No Cindy! No!

Joon:
I lost...

Benny:
What's in the pot?

Joon:
A cousin.

Joon:
You're out of your tree.

Sam:
It's not my tree.

Joon:
We have to tell him.

Benny:
What? Tell me what?

Sam:
Uh, Benny, Joon and uh and I are uh... you know.

Benny:
Hi, I'm Benny

Sam:
With an N?

Benny:
Yeah. Two of them. And this is Joon.

Sam:
With an N?

Joon:
One.

Sam:
Ruthie, do you got any avocados?

Joon:
Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.

Benny:
I am serious. I'm always serious. I'm too serious.