Bernard and the Genie

Charles Pinkworth:
That's a good point, Bernard. That's a fully-fledged bastard of a good point.

Frank Kepple:
If you ever need anything, you just call and I'll be up there faster than a poker up a pervert.

Bernard Bottle:
So all I have to do is wish?

Genie:
As far as I know; the training for this stupid job is practically nonexistent.

Genie:
Say the words "I wish" with the caution you would normally reserve for "Please castrate me."

Genie:
I can see it now: the loving relatives, the priest, the staggeringly-attractive best man, the shagged-out bridesmaids...

Genie:
One day I was in the Temple when they tried to turn it into a supermarket; Jesus went in there and kicked ass!

Bernard Bottle:
Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Genie:
Yes, but with smaller pectorals.

Bernard Bottle:
But now, I'm as happy as Michelle Pfeiffer's underpants.

Charles Pinkworth:
Suddenly my gold fountainpen has gone missing. I am therefore yours in crayon.

Genie:
And you are a very large turd in a horrible pink shirt.

Charles Pinkworth:
I beg your BLOODY pardon?