Better Than Chocolate

Paul:
Are you sure you like boys?

Carla:
Soft centers, hard centers. I like ALL the chocolates in the box.

Lila:
So, you're working in a discount bookstore, huh?

Maggie:
I am? Oh! "Ten Percent."

Tony:
That's funny... Get out!

Kim:
I am out.

Maggie:
You're not bi-sexual, Carla - you're omni-sexual! You're like that tornado in the Wizard of Oz, sweeping up everything in your path.

Mr. L.B. Marcus:
The books have been classified as obscene and will not be allowed through the border. Now, if I can just get you to sign here.

Frances:
Little Red Riding Hood is obscene?

Mr. Marcus:
Well, we, we thought it was something else.

Carla:
Customs held up another order of books at the border. They're claiming the books are pornographic... hello? Which they aren't. Well, maybe "Butches in Chains" is, but so what?

Judy:
I'm Jeremy.

Lila:
You're a man?

Judy:
No, no, no, no, no, not really. Not ever. I was born into a man's body but I've always been a woman and well, after the final surgery...

Lila:
I think I need a little drink.

Lila:
I read a study and after the age of forty a woman's chances of having sex are diminished by eighty percent. SO, after fifty, God help you. And since I probably won't be having sex again, chocolate is the only pleasure left for me.

Carla:
Ouch, it's the plight of the bisexual. Gay girls won't play with you.

Carla:
Boys like toys too, you know.

Paul:
This is for boys?

Carla:
Um-hmmmmmm.

Paul:
What is it?

Carla:
A butt plug.

Carla:
It's okay honey, I bleach it.

Frances:
Seriously, Mr. Marcus, the Supreme Court has declared that anal sex is to gay male sex what Mozart is to classical music.

Mr. Marcus:
Miss Turner, we are not here to discuss classical music. I myself am a huge Mozart fan, but...

Frances:
Look, the f***ing Supreme Court has declared this natural. It is not obscene.

Mr. Marcus:
In case you haven't noticed this is not the Supreme Court. We're here in Customs and I have a job to do.

Frances:
We're just following orders, are we? A**hole.

Mr. Marcus:
From your perspective, that must be a compliment of monumental proportions.

Bernice:
Do we have a problem in here?

Frances:
Bernice? Oh my god, I haven't seen you since the women's music festival!

Frances:
Of course it's obscene! That's the point!

Kim:
Say you're sorry!

Woman in Washroom:
I'm sorry!

Judy:
..."I"m sorry, *ma"am*."

Woman in Washroom:
I'm... sorry... ma'am.

Judy:
Thank you.

Religious Zealot:
Jesus loves you!

Maggie:
Oh, thank you!

Maggie:
So, do you think we've gotten "die, dyke, die" off the sidewalk?

[Maggie and Tony are washing the sidewalk in front of 10% Books.]

Religious Zealot:
Jesus loves you!

Maggie:
Thank you! Can you still read "Die, dyke, die!" or do you think I've finally gotten it all off?

[Religious Zealot rushes off.]

[Frances is about to attack the homophobic customs official. Security guard Bernice steps in.]

Bernice:
Do we have a problem in here?

Frances:
Bernice? Oh my god, I haven't seen you since the Women's Music Festival!

[Bernice hustles Frances and Maggie out the door.]

Lila:
[asking about Maggie] What is going on with her these days?

Judy:
You'd have to ask her that, Lila.

Lila:
So, there is something going on?

Judy:
Oh, well, she's nineteen. There's always something going on when you're nineteen.

Maggie:
What are you doing?

Kim:
Better homes and d*ldos!

Tony:
[to Maggie] Can you believe she's never been in my coffee shop? Tell her how great it is.

Kim:
Come on, I just got here. I haven't been anywhere.

Tony:
Come on! Tell her how great it is, f***!

Maggie:
It's great. F***.

Judy:
Sometimes you have this bubbling up feeling, this certain sort of rage.