Beverly Hills Cop II

Inspector Todd:
Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch!

Harold Lutz:
Who the hell are you?

Axel Foley:
My... name... is... Johnny Wishbone. I am a psychic. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverley Hills Police Department was having trouble solving crimes. So I came to help you out, because I am a psychic extraordinaire. But they told me you don't need help, so I will go home. Yes, my name is Johnny Wishbone and I am a psychic from the Isle of St. Croix. You, I don't know you. You are... MMMMmmmmmmmmmmMMM AAAhhhhhh LUTZ! Chief LUTZ! And you are... MMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm... AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Biddle:
Biddle?

Axel Foley:
BIDDLE! Yes, Biddle I was about to say that, but you beat me to it. I don't need any help because I am Johnny Wishbone psychic extraordinaire. Just think Johnny Wishbone and I will come. Lutz and Biddle, like Kibble n' Bits, but different.

Vinnie:
Hey, Ace. I would like you very much to meet Judy. She can suck a golf ball through twenty feet of garden hose. Ain't that right?

Axel Foley:
You just hit a squad car!

Billy Rosewood:
It's okay, I know the guy. He's a jerk.

Axel Foley:
Oh, you mean the construction work that's going on. Yes, I'm very embarrassed about that. You see, what I'm trying to do is just confine myself to the other five bedrooms.

Sergeant Taggart:
Bullshit! You've stolen this house!

Axel Foley:
How the f*** can you steal a house? This is my, uh, uncle's house!

City Deposit Guard:
Hey I can't let you in without authorization

Axel Foley:

Axel Foley:
Are you driving with your eyes open? Or you like using "the force"?

Axel Foley:
What the hell is that for?

Billy Rosewood:
After the shootout at the club, I figured I needed more firepower.

Axel Foley:
Man, we gotta talk, seriously. Who do you think you are, Clint Eastwood? Dirty Rosewood?

Sergeant Taggart:
Billy, what are you doing?

Billy Rosewood:
I've been wanting to wear this for a long time, Sarge.

Sergeant Taggart:
What are you, nuts? Jesus Christ, Billy! We gotta talk! What the hell is that?

Billy Rosewood:
You can never have too much firepower.

Sergeant Taggart:
F*** Rambo!

Axel Foley:
I'll be in the car 24 hours a day. I'll eat, drink, sleep, sh*t... No, I'm not gonna sh*t, ha ha ha! You thought I was gonna sh*t. Don't worry, I'm on the job.

Inspector Todd:
THAT'S what I'm afraid of!

Karla Fry:
Goodbye, Mr. Foley.

Sergeant Taggart:
Women.

Billy Rosewood:
Look, Sergeant, will you just trust me?

Sergeant Taggart:
Trust you? You drive worse than Maureen!

Billy Rosewood:
NO WAY!

Sergeant Taggart:
It's red! It's red!

Billy Rosewood:
It's green!

Billy Rosewood:
All right, it was red.

Axel Foley:
It was yellow!

Billy Rosewood:
Sarge? You old bloodhound!

Sergeant Taggart:
Billy, isn't this uh...?

Billy Rosewood:
Yeah!

Sergeant Taggart:
No!

Harold Lutz:
Have you submitted yourself for drug testing yet?

Axel Foley:
Inspector T! How you doing?

Inspector Todd:
Where the F*** you been Foley? And what the f*** is this?

Axel Foley:
It's a pink slip

Inspector Todd:
Oh a pink slip eh? Well, let's see here... 2000 dollars for a suit, 200 dollars for a tie, a requisition order for a Ferrari? When am I gonna stop seeing these pink slips and i'll start seeing some arrest slips?

Axel Foley:
Hey man! Take off your glasses. I thought that was you man! I almost got busted, I did get busted. I lost my whole investment because of you man. Vinnie what the hell is wrong with you man? You know I'm a businessman I've got to work!

Vinnie:
What?

Axel Foley:
First you come aside a half hour late and top of that you bring a goddamn cop with you too?

Vinnie:
What you talking cop? He ain't no cop!

Axel Foley:
That's Dirty Harry himself! Now what the f*** are you doing bringing him here?

Carlotta:
You calling me a cop?

Axel Foley:
You definitely a cop!

Vinnie:
He ain't no cop, he's my cousin!

Carlotta:
What the f*** are you doing?

Axel Foley:
Frisking you for a wire man! How do I know if you're a cop if I'm not frisking you for a wire?

Vinnie:
Look, look. I've got 2000 blank American Express cards. Right now, go. You got the money, you want to do business or what?

Axel Foley:
I got the money and I do want to do business but with you. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude 'cause he's a cop. I can smell a pig from a mile away - I used to be a Muslim man - I know that's pork,

Axel Foley:
that's pork, yes that's definitely pork in front of me. You want to business, you know where to find me. F*** YOU MAN! I'll walk by.

Axel Foley:
Inspector T, how you doin'?

Inspector Todd:
Where the f*** you been, Foley? And what the f*** is this?

Axel Foley:
It's a blue slip.

Inspector Todd:
Wh-what in the hell do you need a thousand dollars for?

Axel Foley:
A little flash money.

Inspector Todd:
Flash money. Well, let's see here - $2,000 for a suit, $200 for a tie, a requisition order for a Ferrari. I'm don't wanna see any more of these blue slips. When am I gonna see some arrest slips?

Axel Foley:
I know that you're getting' upset. And I know that you have reason to be upset. But let me tell you something, chief. I am close, I am so close now. I'm closer than I've been, and it-it's makin' me crazy. 'Cause I can smell it, it's in the air. And I smell it. It's... [sniffs] I sm- Do you smell it? 'Cause I smell it.

Inspector Todd:
All I smell is your bullshit. For six months, I been pourin' money down a bottomless hole. Where the bad guys at the end of this rainbow?

Axel Foley:
Wait a second, look. I just thought, that if there was a problem-

Inspector Todd:
Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch. The truth is, this department has fronted you a fortune. And my ass is on the line. I okayed all this sh*t!

Carlotta:
What the f***ing cock you tryin' to get away with?

Axel Foley:
I'm checking you for a wire, man.

Carlotta:
Get f***in' outta here.

Vinnie:
Oh, hey, hey, hey!

Axel Foley:
Why can't I check ya?

Vinnie:
Ho, ho, ho! Stop the bullshit. Stop the bullshit! Stop this bullshit. Cut the bullshit. Cut the bullshit right now. Cut the bullshit, man.

Axel Foley:
If he ain't a cop, if he ain't wired, why can't I- why can't I frisk him? Why can't- Why won't he let me frisk him, then? Then why can't I frisk him if he ain't got no wire on?

Vinnie:
Look, I got 2000 blank American Express cards, right now. Gold. You got the money, you wanna do business or what?

Axel Foley:
I have the money and I do wanna do business, but with *you*. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop. I know when I can smell a pig inside the room. I used to be a Muslim, man. And I know that's pork over here. And th... [sniffs] Yes, pork! It's definitely pork. I ain't doin' sh*t around this dude, man. You wanna do business, you know where to find me. F*** you, man. Allahu Akbar.

Sidney Bernstein:
Oh, oh, oh. Come right in. Don't let the fact that my door's closed dissuade you in any way from entering my office.

Axel Foley:
Sir, we're with the Beverly Hills Police Department. Are you Mr. Sidney Bernstein?

Sidney Bernstein:
Yes. Lucky guess.

Axel Foley:
Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, we have a warrant for your arrest.

Sidney Bernstein:
25? What 25?

Axel Foley:
You have 25 unpaid parking tickets, sir.

Sidney Bernstein:
I-I pay my tickets. I pay - I pay all my tickets.

Axel Foley:
Sir, do you own a Black Mercedes-Benz, License Plates number CRL-507?

Sidney Bernstein:
507? That's my wife's car! That's not my car! That's my-

Axel Foley:
You have 25 unpaid parking tickets.

Sidney Bernstein:
I mean, it's under my name. But, it's my wife's car! No! No! No! [picks up phone; yells] B*tch!

Axel Foley:
Your tickets have not been paid, that means you're liable. [to Taggart & Rosewood] Can you cuff Mr. Bernstein, please?

Sidney Bernstein:
Cuff me? There are people out there with chainsaws, you're cuffing me!

Axel Foley:
Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets, and it's your car. So, we have to take you in.

Sidney Bernstein:
Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have in this office that I could hand to you, and that would make you kind of forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?

Chief Lutz:
Who the hell are you?

Axel Foley:
Uh, my name is Johnny Wish-Wishbone. Johnny Wishbone. And I am a psychic from the island of St. Croix. Yes, I am psychic from the island of St. Croix. And I read in the St. Croix Gazette that the Beverly Hills Police Department having some trouble figuring out crimes. So, what I did was come to Beverly Hills to help the police out. They tell me they don't want my help, they don't *need* my help, so I'm gonna go on my merry way. I'm a psychic! I am a psychic phenomenon. Watch this. I don't know who you are, but watch this. Ummm... Your name is, ummmm, Lutz! Right? Chief Lutz. That's your name. See? The name pop inside my head like that. And your name is, ummmmm, ummmmm...

Biddle:
Biddle?

Axel Foley:
Biddle! Yes, see? I- You- Two more seconds I would have said it myself. I don't need no help from no one, because I'm Johnny Wishbone, psychic extraordinaire. And if you need me, just think "Johnny Wishbone" and I come running. Lutz and Biddle, it's like Kibbles n' Bits, but different.

Chief Lutz:
What the hell have you done here? Looks like a goddamn war zone. What in the hell have you done, Taggart? Tell me.

Billy Rosewood:
We solved the Alphabet crimes.

Chief Lutz:
You shut up! Who the hell is talking to you? I personally solved the Alphabet case up in a body bag over an hour ago. [to Axel] And you, I don't give a goddamn what agency you say you're working for, you're in jail, buddy.

Billy Rosewood:
Chief, wait a...

Chief Lutz:
SHUT UP! What the hell do you think you're doing, bringing a fire fight in the middle of my city? You're out of the cop business for good, forever!

Billy Rosewood:
Will you just listen a minute?

Chief Lutz:
Shut up! You shut your mouth once and for all!

Billy Rosewood:
NO GODDAMN IT, YOU SHUT UP! This is what the Alphabet crimes are all about... guns!

Chief Lutz:
Guns?

Billy Rosewood:
[points to Nikos Thomopolis, who is being arrested] That guy sold them, and Dent bought 'em with stolen money from Adriano's at his own racetrack. He was on his way to Central America. And if you'd bothered to take your head out of your ass, YOU'D SEE WE SOLVED THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING! [Another officer Simultaneously hands Mayor Egan Thomopolis' note book and the Mayor looks at them]

Chief Lutz:
You watch yourself.

Mayor Egan:
Just a minute. Lutz. [Looks at the notes again] Why didn't I know about this?

John Taggart:
Because Chief Lutz doesn't have the guts to hear the truth from real cops. That's why we had to go undercover with Detective Foley to solve this case.

Chief Lutz:
That cuts it Taggart, You're fired!

John Taggart:
Yeah? Kiss my ass!

Chief Lutz:
KISS MINE! You're fired, too!

Mayor Egan:
Lutz...

Chief Lutz:
Isn't that right?

Mayor Egan:
I think I've just about had it with your abusive attitude.

Chief Lutz:
I'm sorry, I get carried away, I'm sorry.

Mayor Egan:
You're fired. Do you understand that?

Chief Lutz:
Don't overreact Ted, Please.

Mayor Egan:
You're fired. I want you out of here now. Get out of here! Fired!

Chief Lutz:
You'll regret this, Ted!

Mayor Egan:
I regret it. Now I've regretted it for the last two months. [Turns to Lutz's Assitant]

Harold Lutz:
You'll regret this! [Simultaneously]

Mayor Ted Egan:
You're fired too, You're out of here, get out of here. [Simultaneously]

Henry Biddle:
Aw I didn't do anything. I didn't... I didn't do anything. [Simultaneously]

Mayor Ted Egan:
Will you get out? Get out! [Simultaneously]

Axel Foley:
Are they civilians now?

Mayor Ted Egan:
You bet.

Axel Foley:
I'm gonna kick your ass later!

Mayor Ted Egan:
Axel, thank you so much, really. I've gotta go to a charity meeting, food for the homeless for Beverly Hills. But Tomorrow...

Axel Foley:
Oh. Food for the Homeless Wait a second, I'd like to make a donation sir. Here's $200 in the name of Sidney Bernstein. That's my alias. I don't like a lot of publicity.

Mayor Ted Egan:
Thank you, Axel... I mean, Sidney Bernstein. Thank you, gentlemen very much.

Detective Billy Rosewood:
Thank you, sir.

Mayor Ted Egan:
Thank you.

Axel Foley:
"If you get your head out of your ass long enough"? "Kiss my ass"? You're getting more and more like me every day. Next thing you know, you're gonna have afros... Big d*cks and all.

[Axel pulls a gun on a man smoking next to an 18 wheeler]

Axel Foley:
Hey...do you like rap music?

Man:
(mumbles in agreement)

Axel Foley:
You like rap music? Well turn around real slow then. I'm from the Rap Coalition of America. Take that gun off and throw it over there. Throw the gun over there! If you like rap music so much, how come you ain't smiling?

Man:
I'm smiling.

Axel Foley:
Smile real big. Now, let's do a rap together. Yo baby, yo baby, yo!

Man:
Yo baby, yo baby, yo!

Axel Foley:
Say "owww!"

Man:
Owww!

[Billy knocks the man out with the butt of his gun]

Foley:
24 hours a day I will be in the car. I will sleep, eat, drink, sh*t. I will- No, I ain't gonna sh*t. [laughs] You thought I was gonna really sh*t. I wouldn't- Wh-what would I look like shitting in the car? I ain't gonna sh*t. Don't worry about a thing, though. I am on the job. Don't worry about a thing. I'm on the job!

Inspector Todd:
THAT'S what I'm afraid of!

Playboy Mansion Valet:
[Axel has just pulled up a cement truck to the Playboy Mansion] Yo, what the f*** is up, man? Check this out. I get ten dollars for cars, I get twenty dollars for limos! What the hell is this?

Foley:
My truck. Here's $50. Put it next to a limo.

Hugh Hefner:
Are we having a problem?

Foley:
Hef! Hugh Hefner! Axel Foley! l feel like I know you already cause l put your magazine up... Forget it. Here's some background on your guests. This is Thomopolis, he's into guns and drugs. And this is Max, and Max kills cops for a living!

Hugh Hefner:
I don't know him or you. I think it's time all of you left.

Maxwell Dent:
I happen to be a major contributor.

Hugh Hefner:
We appreciate it. Goodbye.

Foley:
He appreciates it, Max, but take your ass home. You outdone your welcome. But it's been real, it's been nice. Everybody, party's over! Max f***ed it up for everybody, so let's just go home.

Axel Foley:
[Upon entering the pool area on the Playboy mansion] Jesus Christ! [Then to his crotch] Wake up! This is what we've always talked about! Look alive! You may never see it again! [to Billy and Taggert as he takes a large step] I don't wanna step on your tongues, excuse me.