Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody

[first lines]

Leonard:
[dreaming] Slutty Leia. Slutty Leia. Slutty Leia. Slutty Leia.

Penny:
Hey guys, where are you two headed?

Leonard:
Hi Penny. We're just going to head downstairs to the comic store.

Penny:
Oh, yeah, sounds like fun. Dracula must be doing a signing or something.

Sheldon:
Dracula is nocturnal. Therefore, he would not be able to attend any public events before dusk.

Penny:
Yeah, there's that... and the whole not being real thing.

Penny:
What's a Comic-Con? Oh, is that like a guy goes to jail for stealing comic books or something?

Penny:
Those two crack me up.

Hot Brunette:
*Those* nerds, you're kidding me, right?

Penny:
No, I actually think the short one's kinda cute in like a Harry Potter kinda way.

Hot Brunette:
I'd like to come in.

Penny:
Oh yeah? What do you want to do in there?

Hot Brunette:
Well, I was thinking maybe we could go online and lookup the Vulcan word for girl-on-girl action.

Hot Brunette:
Yeah. Right now I'm gonna go lick long and toss her... salad? And after that I'm going to move on back to her Endor.

Sheldon:
You, Howard, are a geek Richard Nixon.

Howard:
I prefer to think of myself as a Jewish James Bond. L'Chaim!

Raj:
And that's when I learned to never take a girl on a date to a Bollywood movie.

Sheldon:
Because they keep dancing away before you can receive fellatio?

Raj:
That is correct.

Leslie:
Well, if it isn't the Lonely Ranger and his sidekick Tonto.

Raj:
I'm a customer service Indian, not a casino Indian.

Howard:
[on the phone] You are not going to believe this. Guess what I'm doing right now.

Leonard:
I don't know... you're watching The Matrix and jerking off to the thought of a man in a dress co-directing it?

Penny:
[on her costume choice for Comic-Con] I just haven't decided yet.

Leonard:
But, we're going over there this afternoon, after you get off work. Don't you think that's kinda important?

Penny:
Yeah, but if I don't figure it out, I'll just go as myself, okay?

Leonard:
Why would you want to go as a college dropout?

Penny:
What did you say?

Leonard:
Oh boy.

Penny:
That is not what you said. And, for your information, Len-nerd, the only reason I'm going to this geekfest is because I wanted to spend time with you and get to know you a little better, so maybe you'd take your head out of your comic books and put it between my legs. But instead, you can shove it up your ass.

[last lines]

Howard:
I love the magic of modern technology.

Raj:
Fer shizzles.