Big Brother

[repeated line]

Host:
For now, let's eavesdrop on the houseguests. From outside the Big Brother house, I'm Julie Chen. Goodnight.

Mike Malin:
[to Ian] This is the Big Brother house. You can bounce checks.

Mike Malin:
Shane is like an Idiot Savant... minus the Savant.

[season 7, week 4, prior to the live eviction]

Host:
Will, you are not sitting in one of the two eviction chairs. It must be killing you that you're not nominated. How are you coping?

Will Kirby:
Not great, Julie, kind of ready to go and if you wanna mix things up and send me home, I'm ready. You let me know sweetheart.

Host:
Good to know.

[season 7, week 5, about Janelle, in the diary room]

James Rhine:
This Anna Nicole Smith wannabe is probably THE dumbest person to ever play this game.

[week 5, in the diary room, after the PoV competition]

Will Kirby:
Hey Boogie, did you win PoV today?

Mike Malin:
Nah. I won a trip to Aruba for two and a plasma television. Did you win PoV?

Will Kirby:
No... I won uh, five thousand bucks.

[both look at camera with serious faces before bursting out in laughter]

[season 7, week 6, about Janelle, in the diary room]

Marcellas Reynolds:
If I win Head of Household, the Buxom Blonde is toast.

[season 7, week 6, talking strategy in the diary room]

Will Kirby:
ChillTown is the Beatles of this show. I'm the Paul McCartney and Mike Boogie is the John Lennon. Unfortunately Erika is still the Yoko Ono, she's been in this band entirely too long and she is gonna ruin our career if we're not careful about it.

[season 7, week 3, to the houseguests during the veto ceremony]

Will Kirby:
Okay. Traditionally, the uh, nominees uh speak to the veto holder individually because they're looking for one person to help them. But if it's okay with George, the power of veto holder and James, the HoH holder, I'd like to speak to the house as a group.

[pause]

Will Kirby:
This is truly an all star season because I'm astonished by your gameplay here. Now, a lot of you have come up to me and you've said, "Will, you don't really seem like you're into it. You don't really seem like you wanna play." And you said, "Why, what was the reason for that?" And I said to myself, "I don't know. I don't know why I can't be, I don't understand it." So I had a heart-to-heart with myself and I said, "Will, what is the reason? Why are you having such a hard time playing?" And this is the truth, season two, the season that I won, there was a lot of people I hated and it was easy for me to motivate and find individuals that I disliked and it gave me power, it gave me a reason to wanna play, it gave me a reason to wanna fight, it gave me a reason to wanna remove people from the game. Then I thought, so why haven't I had that motivation? And I thought it was because I really liked everyone here. But then I realized it was the opposite of that. I can't find an individual to hate 'cause I hate you all.

[pause]

Will Kirby:
There's no one I hate more than anyone else. This is what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna ask to be removed from this game by you all. Now, if you refuse to kick me out, I will be throwing every competition, I will throw every HoH, I will throw every PoV, and I will throw every food competition. George is on slop and I will do the best I can to ensure that we all are on slop... unless you get together, have a big group meeting and vote me out. So, Chicken George, please don't use the power of veto on me. I want this nomination to stay in place. I encourage you to use it yourself, you know why?

[claps and addresses Chicken George]

Will Kirby:
This man is a badass. He went up against the five wickedest, freakiest Big Brother players and he whooped their ass. Don't use it, vote me out. Back to you, George.

[about Christine, in the diary room]

Zach Rance:
How do I put this? People that don't pull their weight in an alliance get left behind. Or should I say... evicted.

Host:
But first...

Justin Sebik:
[On Nicole] I don't know, she turns me off big time.

Bill Miller:
[in the diary room, discussing his sexuality] They keep making references to my wife, but I've never said "my wife". A wife's named Gregg is not gonna work.

Bill Miller:
Justin sat on me...

Mike Malin:
Bunky has a soft heart, you can play that with him. He's just like a chick.

Will Kirby:
Certainly, I can easily do that.

Kent Blackwelder:
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

Mike Malin:
Kent is a curmudgeon. He's... he's an old ingrate. You know, you could give the guy 20 pillows to sleep on but he'd need 21!

Mike Malin:
[When Kent wins Head of Household] It is gonna be a nightmare around here.

Mike Malin:
[on Kent] I hate this man. I cannot believe this piece of sh*t is gonna be sitting there and I'm gonna be walking out this door. I hate him so much!

Mike Malin:
[on Kent being head of household] It's like being in a f***ing movie and the extras and the stand-ins f***ing take over the movie and the stars are out! Because I'm a f***ing star and he's a f***ing extra. Straight up. Period. The end.

Mike Malin:
I don't know, Autumn better watch herself within the next 16 to 24 hours.

Mike Malin:
[in the Diary Room] I'm gonna be in this house with these people for a long time and I can't get away from some of these people and it's really like... it hit me today.

Hardy-Ames Hill:
Let's play "Beauty Salon" and give each other facials!

Will Kirby:
I told everyone that I created the fast for spiritual cleansing, which was total BS. It puts me in a position of power and if people are wondering what I think, then I have some ability to control them. I can be the puppeter and they can be the marionettes.

Will Kirby:
The fast was originally 24-hour fast. Autumn lasted about... three hours!

Will Kirby:
[on Shannon] I consider her to be a sister. A hot sister who I'm trying to hook up with, but a sister nonetheless.

Bill Miller:
[on Will Kirby] Will is being a dictator and he needs to go!

Kent Blackwelder:
[On the finals] Deciding between Will and Nicole is like deciding between an ingrown toenail and a rash!

Will Kirby:
[to his former houseguests] You all need to learn to love each other!

Kent Blackwelder:
[on his upcoming decision on choosing the winner of Big Brother 2] Deciding between Will or Nicole is like trying to decide between, uh... an ingrown toenail and a rash!

Justin Sebik:
[shortly before being expelled] Oh, boy. We got problems. We've got problems. I think it might have been that knife to your neck?

Mike Malin:
Well, the funny thing is my relationship with Sheryl has strengthened since I've nominated her. She really has no ill feelings towards me.

Sheryl Braxton:
I'm just f***ing ready to... kill him!

Mike Malin:
[to Autumn while in bed] Let's do it now before the other people get here!

Mike Malin:
[to Autumn] You pursued me! I didn't pursue you!

Announcer:
Passions flared when Autumn accused Mike of trying to seduce her to win her vote.

Announcer:
[recapping the previous week] It's been a week of scheming, screaming and romance! Tonight, is Shannon falling for Will or playing him for a fool?

Bill Miller:
Chilltown wants to get rid of Kent.

Mike Malin:
I hate him!

Bill Miller:
I think Chilltown sees Kent as a threat.

Mike Malin:
I... hate... him!

Mike Malin:
I thought Kent was a decent guy, you know? He had a family. As it turns out, he's grumpy, he's a negative person.

Hardy-Ames Hill:
[on Autumn possibly leaving] I cannot wait to see her leave. Might even do a little f***ing dance!

Will Kirby:
[after Shannon scrubbed the toilet with Hardy's toothbrush] Urine is sterlie, you can drink it. Feces on the other hand...

Mike Malin:
Will's a doctor. He says it's fine.

Janelle Pierzina:
Bye bye, b*tches!

Eric Stein:
I'd do that for a dollar!