Big Fish

Young Ed Bloom:
Sandra Templeton, I love you and I WILL marry you.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Truth is, I've always been thirsty.

Young Ed Bloom:
There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.

Senior Ed Bloom:
You are in for a surprise.

Will Bloom:
Am I?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Havin' a kid changes everything. There's the diapers, and the burping, and the midnight feeding.

Will Bloom:
Did you do any of that?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Nope. But I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill his head with nonsense, and still it turns out perfectly fine.

Will Bloom:
You think I'm up for it?

Senior Ed Bloom:
You learned from the best.

Senior Ed Bloom:
People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This is not how I go.

Will Bloom:
Really?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Truly. I saw it in the eye.

Will Bloom:
The old lady by the swamp?

Senior Ed Bloom:
She was a *witch*.

Will Bloom:
No, she was old and probably senile.

Senior Ed Bloom:
I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens.

Will Bloom:
So how does it happen?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you.

Senior Ed Bloom:
I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo, they speak only French.

Josephine:
Really?

Senior Ed Bloom:
You're lucky to get four words out of them in English, but if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything but religion.

Will Bloom:
Why not religion, dad?

Senior Ed Bloom:
It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.

Will Bloom:
Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Oh, so you know.

Amos Calloway:
Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"?

Karl:
No.

Amos Calloway:
"Unconscionable contract"?

Karl:
Uh, nope.

Amos Calloway:
Great!

Young Ed Bloom:
I just saw the woman I'm going to marry. I know it. But I lost her.

Amos Calloway:
Oh, tough break. Well, most men have to get married *before* they lose their wives.

Young Ed Bloom:
I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone!

Amos Calloway:
Damn, kid. Lemme guess. Real pretty? Reddish-blondish hair? Blue dress?

Young Ed Bloom:
Yeah!

Amos Calloway:
I know her uncle. Friends of the family.

Young Ed Bloom:
Who is she? Where does she live?

Amos Calloway:
Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.

Young Ed Bloom:
What do you mean? You don't even know me.

Amos Calloway:
Sure I do! You were hot sh*t back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back.

Will Bloom:
You know about icebergs, dad?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water. They didn't count on there being an elephant frozen inside. The wooly kind. A mammoth.

Will Bloom:
Dad!

Senior Ed Bloom:
What?

Will Bloom:
I'm not trying to make a metaphor here.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Well you shouldn't have started with a question, because people want to answer a question. You should've started with "the thing about icebergs is."

Young Ed Bloom:
Now I may not have much, but I have more determination then any man you're likely to ever meet.

Josephine:
You never told me how your parents met.

Will Bloom:
They met at Auburn.

Josephine:
But what about the details? How they fell in love. The cirus, the war - you never told me any of that.

Will Bloom:
That's because most of it never happened.

Josephine:
But it's romantic.

Will Bloom:
Mmm...

Josephine:
Mmm, what?

Will Bloom:
Well, I know better than to argue romance with a French woman.

Will Bloom:
And then we have to take Glenville to avoid the church traffic because the damn church people drive too slow.

Senior Ed Bloom:
There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool.

Karl:
I don't want to eat you. I just get so hungry. I'm just too big.

Young Ed Bloom:
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? Maybe this place is just too small?

Young Ed Bloom:
There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger then the other fish. They're just touched by something extra.

Senior Ed Bloom:
I caught an uncatchable fish.

Amos Calloway:
Her favorite flower is daffodils

Young Ed Bloom:
Daffodils.

Senior Ed Bloom:
And that's my life story.

Will Bloom:
In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn't always make sense and most of it never happened... but that's what kind of story this is.

Young Ed Bloom:
You don't know me, but my name's Edward Bloom... And I love you.

Senior Sandra Bloom:
I don't think I'll ever dry out.

Young Ed Bloom:
I can't go back, I'm a human sacrifice.

Josephine:
I'd like to take your picture.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Oh, you don't need a picture. Just look up "handsome" in the dictionary.

Will Bloom:
You become what you always were - a very big fish.

Young Ed Bloom:
This isn't how I die.

Senior Ed Bloom:
They say, when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.

Young Ed Bloom:
Did you get married?

Jenny:
Yes, I did. I was 18, he was 28. Turned out to be a big difference.

Amos Calloway:
Did I kill anything?

Young Ed Bloom:
Only two or three rabbits, and one was already dead, I think.

Amos Calloway:
I see. That explains the indigestion.

Senior Ed Bloom:
The Milk Man dropped dead on our front porch. Turns out my mama was banging the Milk Man.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Tell me how it happens

Will Bloom:
How what happens?

Senior Ed Bloom:
How I go.

Will Bloom:
Dad, you never told me that story.

Young Ed Bloom:
There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man.

Senior Ed Bloom:
I tell facts.

Will Bloom:
You tell lies, dad.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Sometimes, the only way to catch and uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.

Young Jenny:
Promise me You'll come back

Young Ed Bloom:
I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to.

Norther Winslow:
The grass is so green. The sky is so blue. Spectre is really great.

Senior Dr. Bennett:
Do you want to know what really happened on the day you were born?

Will Bloom:
Sure.

Senior Dr. Bennett:
You were born early, without any problems, and your dad was away on a salesman trip and was upset that he couldn't be there. But men weren't allowed in during the delivery, so I don't see how it could be much different. I guess it's not as exciting as your father's version...

Will Bloom:
I kind of liked your version.

Wilbur (Age 10):
Is it true she's got a glass eye? I heard she got it from the gypsies...

Young Don Price:
What's a gypsy?

Ed Bloom (Age 10):
Your momma's a gypsy.

Young Don Price:
Your momma's a b*tch.

Will Bloom:
Dad, you're like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined... you're just as charming, and just as fake.

Will Bloom:
Church people drive too slow.

Amos Calloway:
You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to puddleville, you'll be happy there.

Zacky Price (Age 10):
She'll make soap out of you. That's what they do, make soap out of people.

Senior Ed Bloom:
Most men, they'll tell you a story straight true. It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.

Will Bloom:
Unbelievable.

Senior Ed Bloom:
The story of my life.

Will Bloom:
A man tells so many stories, that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.

Young Ed Bloom:
You don't know me but my name is Edward Bloom and I love you.

Senior Ed Bloom:
It's rude to talk about religion, you never know who you're gonna offend.

Young Ed Bloom:
What are you doing here?

Norther Winslow:
I'm robbin' this place!

Will Bloom:
Everybody's there, and I mean everybody. And the strange thing is, there's not a single sad face... everyone's so happy to see you.

Josephine:
I talked to your father last night. He told me about how he and your mother met.

Will Bloom:
Most of that never happened.

Josephine:
But it's romantic.

Will Bloom:
Well, who am I to argue romance with a French woman?

Young Ed Bloom:
It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties.

Sandra Bloom:
You don't even know me.

Young Ed Bloom:
I have the rest of my life to find out.

Ed Bloom (Age 10):
I was thinking about death and all. About seeing how you're gonna die. I mean, on one hand, if dying was all you thought about, it could kind of screw you up. But it could kind of help you, couldn't it? Because you'd know that everything else you can survive.

Josephine:
Oh, so this is a tall tale?

Senior Ed Bloom:
Well, it's not a short one.

Edward:
Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings...

Will:
Did you do any of that?

Edward:
No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine.

Norther Winslow:
I've been working on this poem for 12 years.

Edward:
Really.

Norther Winslow:
There's a lot of expectation. I don't want to disappoint my fans...the grass so green, skies so blue, spectre is really great!

Edward:
It's only three lines long.

Norther Winslow:
This is why you should never show a work in progress.

Beamen:
You won't find a better place!

Edward:
I don't expect to.

Jenny:
Promise me you'll come back.

Edward:
I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to.

Man in crowd:
Mayor, he ate an entire cornfield!

Young girl in crowd:
He ate my dog!

Mayor:
Son that creature could crush you without trying.

Edward:
Oh trust me— he'll have to try.

Edward:
Will never told you?... Ah, probably just as well. He would have told it wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor.

Josephine:
Oh... so this is a tall tale?

Edward:
Well, it's not a short one.

Amos:
Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term “involuntary servitude?”

Karl:
No.

Amos:
Unconscionable contract?

Karl:
Uh... Nope.

Amos:
Great! Here you go.

Edward:
You don't know me, but my name is Edward Bloom and I love you. I've spent the last three years working to find out who you are. I've been shot and stabbed and trampled a few times— I broke my ribs twice— but it's all been worth it to see you here, now, and to finally get to talk to you. Because I'm destined to marry you. I knew it the first moment I saw you at the circus. And I know it now more than ever.

Sandra:
I'm sorry.

Edward:
You don't have to apologize to me. I'm the luckiest person you'll find today.

Sandra:
No, I'm sorry. I'm engaged to be married. But you're wrong. I do know you. At least by reputation. Edward Bloom from Ashton. See, I'm actually engaged to a boy from Ashton. Don Price. He was a few years older than you.

Edward:
Well... congratulations. I'm sorry to have bothered you...

Josephine:
You never told me how your parents met.

Will:
They met at Auburn.

Josephine:
What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that.

Will:
That's because most of it never happened.

Josephine:
But it's romantic.

Will:
You have to understand. When I was growing up, he was gone more than he was here. And I started thinking— maybe he has a second life somewhere else. With another family, another house— he leaves us, he goes to them. Or maybe there is no second family. Maybe he never wanted a family. But whatever it is, maybe he likes that second life better. And the reason he tells all those stories is because he can't stand this boring place.

Josephine:
But it's not true.

Will:
What is "true"? He's never told me a single true thing.

Edward:
What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be?

Will:
Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once.

Edward:
I have been nothing but myself since the day I was born. And if you can't see that, it's your failing, not mine.

Sandra:
It was during the war. Your father went missing. They thought he was dead.

Will:
That really happened?

Sandra:
Not everything your father says is a complete fabrication.

Jenny:
One day, Edward Bloom left, and never returned to the town he'd saved. As for the girl, the common belief was that she'd become a witch, and crazy at that. She became something of a legend herself. And the story ended where it began.

Will:
Well, logically, you couldn't be the witch, because she was old when he was young.

Jenny:
Well, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else... And one day I realized I was in love with a man who could never love me back. I was living in a fairy tale... I'm not sure I should have told you any of this... I wanted to be as important to him as you were, and I was never going to be. I was make-believe and... his other life, you, you were real.

Will:
As we get-as we get close to the river, we see that everybody is already there.

Will:
And I mean everyone...it's-it's unbelievable.

Edward:
The story...of my life.

Will:
And the strange thing is,there's not a sad face to be found,everyone is just so glad to see you.And send you off right.

Will:
You become what you always were...a very big fish...and that's how it happens.

Edward:
Exactly.

Edward Bloom:
Kept in a small bowl, they will remain small. With more space, the fish can double, triple or quadruple its size.

Edward Bloom:
I was trying to find a cure to my gigantificationism...

Edward Bloom:
Now, it's common knowledge that most towns of a certain size have a witch, if only to eat misbehaving children and the occasional puppy who wanders into her yard. Witches use those bones to cast spells and curses that make the land infertile... yet of all the witches in Alabama, there was one who was the most feared. For she had one glass eye, which was said to contain mystical powers.

Edward Bloom:
I was never much for being at home, Will. It's too confining. And this, here... being stuck in bed. Dying is the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Edward Bloom:
Armed with the foreknowledge of my own death, I knew the giant couldn't kill me. All the same, I preferred to keep my bones unbroken.

Edward Bloom:
Oh, come on. I can't go back, I'm a human sacrifice. If I go back they'll think I'm a coward. I'd rather be dinner than a coward.

Edward Bloom:
The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.

Edward Bloom:
There were two roads out of Ashton, a new one which was paved, and an older one that wasn't. People didn't use the old road anymore, and it had developed the reputation of being haunted. Well, Since I had no intention of ever returning to Ashton, this seemed as good a time as any to find out what lay down that old road.

Edward Bloom:
What I recalled of Sunday School was that the more difficult something became, the more rewarding it was in the end.

Edward Bloom:
I agreed to spend the afternoon, if only to understand the mystery of how a place could feel so strange, and yet so familiar.

Edward Bloom:
This town is more than any man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the truth is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere.

Edward Bloom:
As difficult as it was to reach Spectre, I was fated to get there eventually. After all, no man can avoid reaching the end of his life.

Edward Bloom:
We didn't have a proper wedding. Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me. She was engaged to somebody else.

Edward Bloom:
It was on that night Karl met his destiny. And I met mine. Almost.

Edward Bloom:
You will never know its Girth!

Edward Bloom:
While I took the beating of a lifetime, it was Don Price who was ultimately defeated.

Edward Bloom:
Truth is, I've been thirsty my whole life. Never really known why.

William Bloom:
Everyone loves my father. He's a very likable guy.

William Bloom:
Okay, okay— The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. That's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water.

Jenny:
It's not a woman, it's a fish. No one ever catches her. Fish looks diff'rent to diff'rent people. My daddy said it looked like the coon dog he had when he was kid...back from the dead.

Jenny:
Fate has a way of circling back on a man, and taking him by surprise. A man sees things differently at different times in his life. This town didn't seem the same now that he was older.