Black Sheep

Steve:
This is great I never win at checkers.

Mike Donnelly:
Well, it's kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!

Steve:
Are you or are you not the Black Angel of Death?

Mike Donnelly:
I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants.

Steve:
We didn't have any chocolate pudding.

Motorcycle Cop:
Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Mike Donnelly:
Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops.

State Trooper:
SEVEN! SEVEN miles an hour! And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the *shoulder*!

Drake Sabitch:
I'm not far from dragging you out of the car and beating you to dust.

Steve Dodds:
You should work up to that, kinda leaves you nowhere to go.

Old lady:
Dream on, you little fart.

Mike Donnelly:
Hi there, this is Mike Donnelly. I work over here at the recreational center. To be honest with you I pretty much run the place ha, ha, ha. Is this ah Pat Gyles? Good, Good. Hey, hope everything's going great in your fine town of er Avery? Edward! Ha, ha, ha. Say, the reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you a little bit about the candidacy of Al Donnelly. Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream. His dream is to become governor of this great state of Washington. Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me and the wall here, I doozy myself last night. Ha ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle give me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't ! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...

Gov. Tracey:
Neushwender are you finished stirring that drink or is this some kind of f***ing science experiment?

Steve:
Hey Mike, 'I got dibs on top' Ha ha.

Mike Donnelly:
Shut up!

Steve:
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Mike Donnelly:
Why don't you shut up?

Steve:
Heh heh, 'Hello Washington'. Ha ha ha.

Mike Donnelly:
SHUT UP!

Mike Donnelly:
What the hell was that?

Steve:
A chunk in the road or something.

Mike Donnelly:
I just chunked in my pants.

Governor Tracy:
Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.

Clyde Spinoza:
My best friends call me Cash.

Mike Donnelly:
And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"

Mike Donnelly:
Meoff, Jack.

Mike Donnelly:
Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?

Steve:
Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find *white* mud.

Steve:
Ro-ads. Ro-ods.

Steve Dodds:
What the heck is that?

Mike Donnelly:
Ah! It's Ozzy Osborne!

Mike Donnelly:
Horse sh*t!

Mike Donnelly:
Boy, I could sure use some cupcakes or peanut butter cups right now.

Steve:
Check it out. This fridge is only being held by this plug. [pulls plug out; fridge rolls toward Mike, crashing into him, running him into a wall]

Steve:
Mike... Are you okay?

Mike:
I'm just dandy! I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!

Steve:
We didn't have any pudding in there, buddy.

Steve:
[completely doped on nitrous oxide] ... But, this map is heavy... It's got all of those... robes on it. Robes? Rogues?

Mike:
[also stoned; giggling] Roads!

Steve, Mike:
Aahahahaha!

Mike:
[suddenly stops laughing] I'm stoned... so are you!

[looks in the backseat]

Mike:
Dammit! The nitrous oxide's leaking into the car! OK, calm down... we just gotta keep under the speed limit... limit... [starts giggling again]

Mike:
Limit! Haha, that's another one of those freaky words!

Governor Tracy:
I have heard the voice of the voters and the voters said...

[Mike is screaming for help while hoisting by his underwear on a satellite dish]

Governor Tracy:
...Holy Sh*t!

Mike:
[cheering on Rock the Vote Crowd] Yea! Kill whitey!

[crowd goes silent]

Rastafarian:
No! No! No!

[a bat flies out at them]

Steve:
What the heck is that?

Mike:
Ah! It's Ozzy Osbourne!

Motorcycle Cop:
Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...

Mike:
Meoff, Jack. [turns to Steve and mouths "Jack Meoff"]

Mike:
[dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.

Teen:
Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, a**hole!

Mike:
Young fella, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside of the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!

[Mike is pretending to be a cop, Steve is pretending to be a prisoner]

Steve:
Ro-ads. Roods.

Mike:
Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day! [turns to state trooper] Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!

Drake Sabitch:
"I am within my rights to dispatch you with extreme prejudice!"

Mike:
There's no access for you in this quadrant.

Mike:
[on stage making a fool of himself] Voting kicks ass right! Cause, uh, if voting kicks ass, and Al Donnelly kicks ass, and you put them both together and you got yourself some kick ass sh*t!

Mike:
[on stage making a fool of himself] That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!

Mike:
We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!

Mike:
[holding onto a small plant on a steep hill] Oh, thank you, little roots! Please stay strong [Root quickly gives and Mike falls to the foot of the mountain] What in the hell was that all about!?

Steve:
[on Drake Sabitch] This guy is like Leatherface, Chucky, and Jan Brady all rolled into one.

Steve:
[trying to pronounce "roads"] Row-ads. Roods.