Borderland

Henry:
[lites two cigarettes in his mouth and puts one in Ed's mouth,who is sleeping with his mouth open] Rise and shine, f*ggot! Wharton, motherf***er, Wharton! Whoop-whoop, Wharton!

Ed:
[coughing from the cigarette] You're gonna be the first dealer on your block with an MBA.

Henry:
Yeah, f*** all that, man. I'm getting out of pharmaceuticals. Human cloning is about to explode, dude. Keep everything offshore, do your marketing on the Internet.

Ed:
Promise me you won't clone yourself.

Henry:
You know, when you get out of Stanford, man, I could use you on my team. What do you say? Feel like been a rich son of a b*tch?

Ed:
Is that really the best we can do?

Henry:
What? Get rich?

Ed:
Yeah.

Henry:
We could do worse.

Ulises:
Just look at the evidence, that's all I'm asking. look. They robbed a grave last night. They stole a child's body! it's for Santillan's Nganga! they're preparing it for his arrival.

Captain Ramirez:
Listen, you asked me to listen to your story. and I have. Forget about your partner. This isn't Mexico City; this isn't even Mexico. This is the border. The border has no memory. Remembering here... gets you killed.

Henry:
Welcome to the Turd World brother!

Henry:
[in a fake preaching voice] Imagine a land, if you will, where a man can be a man. A land where he can indulge in all those animal urges, far from the petty judgments of parents and teachers and less-enlightened peers. A land where he can ride the demon!

Phil:
Yeah!

Henry:
Behave bad!

Phil:
Bad!

Henry:
Whatever he goddamn well pleases,and no one gives a sh*t, including the cops.

Phil:
Tell it, Brother Henry!

Henry:
I'm talking real freedom, my friend!

Phil:
Real freedom!

Henry:
Not this overregulated bullshit that passes for liberty in our country.

Phil:
Hell, no!

Phil:
!Vamonos a la frontera! [Let's go to the border!] Arriba Mexico!

Henry:
We leave right now, we hit Manzanita right about the time the strip joints open.

Phil:
I'm gonna get laid.

Henry:
You're kidding? I finally convinced our upstanding minister's son to get his cherry popped.

Phil:
Pop!

Ed:
Let's pray he doesn't contract an STD.

Henry:
Worrywart.

Ed:
[opens his wallet and hands Phil some condoms] Fellas, say hello to the senoritas for me.

Henry:
Come on. man. You're not gonna hang around here. All right? All the poonsies are hooked up or singing "Kumbaya" with the art fags.

Ed:
Any other time. I'm there, all right? I just have a lot on my mind.

Henry:
You want a Zoloft, man? I think I got one.

Ed:
I just wanna chill.

Henry:
Chill when you're dead, man. As your "personal physician", I insist you put that big brain of yours to rest and go a little nuts, okay, for once.

Ed:
Hola. Una mas cerveza, por favor.

Valeria:
'Fabor'.

Ed:
Pardon?

Valeria:
'Fabor'. the V is pronounced like a B. 'Fabor. Cerbeza'.

Ed:
Sorry. My Spanish sucks.

Valeria:
At least you can order a beer at a strip club.

Drunk Man in Strip Club:
Hey, wait a minute. This is for you. $400. But you already know that. I'm talking to you!

Valeria:
Let me go! [Valeria slaps him]

Drunk Man in Strip Club:
F***ing b*tch!

Ed:
Why don't you chill, man? She's no pro.

Valeria:
It's okay. I can handle it. It's okay.

Drunk Man in Strip Club:
This dickless f*ggot more your type, Valeria?

Valeria:
F*** off, Gilberto.

Drunk Man in Strip Club:
You think you have the balls for this girl? I ask you something. You deaf?

Ed:
What the f***'s your problem, man?

Ed:
[pulls out a knife and cuts Ed] oh sh*t! [Valeria gets a bat and hits Drunk Man in the head and knocks him out]

Valeria:
[Valeria now tends to Ed's wound in the back of the bar] That was pretty stupid. At least now you have a great story to tell your friends.

Ed:
What? That I got my ass kicked?

Valeria:
No. How you came to the aid of a poor and defenseless woman.

Ed:
Yeah, right. If it ever gets boring around here, you could bat cleanup for the Astros.

Valeria:
You know, my ex-husband, he hated the fact that I could handle myself.

Ed:
Let me guess. That's why he's your ex.

Valeria:
I left him and I moved here to Manzanita.

Ed:
Can I buy you a drink later?

Valeria:
So you're not afraid of strong woman?

Ed:
Only if she's not swinging a bat at me.