Bowery Bugs

[Brody enters the swami's shop]

Bugs Bunny:
Enter, O seeker of knowledge.

[a sandbag swings down and hits Brody in the head]

Bugs Bunny:
That's you, fathead!

[first lines]

Bugs Bunny:
This is the famous Brooklyn Bridge. 133 feet high, 1,500 feet long. Contains hundreds of miles of cable. From it, Steve Brody made his sensational leap into the East River.

Old Man:
[chuckling] What in tarnation did he do that for?

Bugs Bunny:
I'm glad you asked that, friend. It happened in 1886, when Steve Brody had a terrific run of luck... [laughs]... all bad! Then one day, an idea - he needed a good luck charm. But what? Right, a rabbit's foot! But where to find a rabbit in the big city? Nope, nowhere. He must go back to the woods, to the forest primeval; to Flatbush. And there he found the object of his search: a rabbit.

Bugs Bunny:
Eh, what's up, Doc?

Steve Brody:
Sorry, Mac. Me luck's run out, and I gotta have a good luck charm - and you're it!

Bugs Bunny:
Now wait a minute, Doc. Let's not be hasty. Rabbit's feet ain't lucky.

Steve Brody:
No?

Bugs Bunny:
No, look at the life rabbits lead. Dogs, hunters, hasenpfeffer... these rabbit's feet never brought me any luck.

[last lines]

Bugs Bunny:
And that's why Steve Brody jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. Anything more you want to know?

Old Man:
Nope. That's enough, son. I'll buy it.

[Old man hands Bugs a bundle of money as he winks at the camera]

Bugs Bunny:
Here's your answer: the stars. When was you born?

Steve Brody:
I don't remember; I was pretty young then...

Bugs Bunny:
Never mind.

[Spins astrological chart like a roulette]

Bugs Bunny:
Round and round she goes, there's a winner every time! Watch your numbers, please. And it stops on Lobo, the sign of the wolf. There's the answer; unlucky at cards? You must be lucky in love. Oh, you kid! 23 skidoo! Chicken inspector!

Steve Brody:
[sheepishly] Oh, gosh...

Bugs Bunny:
You should strive for "l'amour", as we swamis say. Now go on out and knock 'em dead!

Steve Brody:
[What looks like a woman drops her handkerchief on the ground. Steve Brody picks it up] Ahem

Bugs Bunny:
Oh you masher! Cad! Ruffian! HELP! POLICE! [a police officer clubs Steve Brody on the head]

Steve Brody:
Oh boy. [Walks by Bugs] Hey you! What kind of flower is that?

Bugs Bunny:
It's a carnation doc! Why?

Steve Brody:
Come on! You're me mascot see? You've got to influence these dice.

[inside the pool hall Bugs shakes the dice during a card game using a variety of nonsensical yammering]

Steve Brody:
Hey I lost.

Bugs Bunny:
Well even us mascots have got to warm up a little. Here on these I'm practically invaluable. [Bugs pulls the lever on the one armed bandit after which it shoots out lemons]

Steve Brody:
Hey you ain't no luck charm you!

Short Bartender:
At it again eh Brody. I'll have to call the bouncer. Hey Gorilla! [a snarling gorilla pushes his way out the door and proceeds to beat Steve Brody up]

[a lot of thumping is heard from the outside of the bar. Steve Brody is thrown out of the bar in a heap on the curb. A dog walks past Brody and decides to kiss him but instead the dog walks off in disgust]

Steve Brody:
Okay... I know you've got a mess of dough here. Let me have it!

Bugs Bunny:
If you insist. Grandma's Happy Home Bakery is glad to oblige. [Bugs drops a mess of dough on top of Steve Brody's head and he bakes in the oven and comes out looking like a pie] What a Tarara Goon Dee Ay.

Steve Brody:
Hey you're that rabbit that sent me... That sent me? Oh no it couldn't be.

Bugs Bunny:
[disguised as a good luck charm] What's up doc?

Bugs Bunny:
[disguised as the fair damesel] What's up doc?

Bugs Bunny:
[disguised as the Swammi] What's up...

Steve Brody:
I know don't tell me? What's up doc? Rabbits! Everybody's turning into rabbits. Awwe come on Brody. Get a hold of yourself. You ain't a rabbit. [Steve looks in the mirror and sees Bugs' reflection in the mirror] What's up doc? What's up doc? What's up doc? Please officer! You've gotta help me. I'm flipping me lid. Everybody's turning into rabbits.

Bugs Bunny:
What's all this about rabbits doc? [Steve Brody then jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge]