Brain Donors

Roland T. Flakfizer:
And that spells cash with a capital...

Jacques:
K!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
You should go back to school.

Jacques:
I hated teaching.

Lazlo:
Ah! Your suite!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
You're pretty terrific yourself.

Jacques:
Are you Roland T. Flakfizer?

Flakfizer:
That all depends. Do I owe you money?

Jacques:
No.

Flakfizer:
In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?

Jacques:
No.

Flakfizer:
Then I'm your man!

Flakfizer:
Let's step outside and settle this like men!

Volare:
We are outside.

Flakfizer:
OK, let's step inside and settle it like women.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Money's no object! It isn't mine!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Some day you'll have my children. In fact, they're in the car if you want them.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.

Rocco Melonchek:
You're lying.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Of course I am, but hear me out!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Please, call me what everyone else calls me: "Your Royal Sex Machine."

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Sorry, two's company, and three's an adult movie.

Rocco:
Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.

Tina:
Was that the doorbell?

Roland T. Flakfizer:
That wasn't you?

Lillian Oglethorpe:
Then it's settled. I am so excited.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
You're excited? Feel these nipples.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
And she looks like she's about fifteen.

Lazlo:
No, no, no.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
"No?" Flakfizer doesn't know the MEANING of the word "No!" We're also a little fuzzy on "panaglutin" and "viscosity."

Roland T. Flakfizer:
It's said that behind every great man there is a great woman, and I'm glad the woman behind me is Lillian; because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?

Rocco Melonchek:
You're probably just a speed reader.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?

Rocco Melonchek:
Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.

Rocco Melonchek:
We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.

Rocco Melonchek:
Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Why do you think we have such long instruments?

Rocco:
No we're not them. We're somebody else. The men you're looking for are our identical twin brothers, and you'll never see us together, 'cause we love the same women!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
You're not going to try and cheat me or anything.

Rocco Melonchek:
I give you my word a gentleman.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Well you had me until then.

Volare:
Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?

Roland T. Flakfizer:
I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.

Volare:
I was dancing professionally.

Roland T. Flakfizer:
Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel...

Jacques:
What about me?

Roland T. Flakfizer:
To show you no fairness, Rocco and I will also split your salary 50/50.

Jacques:
Thanks!

Roland T. Flakfizer:
That should you keep you out of a high income tax bracket. In fact, that you should keep you out of any income tax bracket.

Roland T Flakfizer:
And always remember- nobody likes you!