Broadcast News

Blair Litton:
Except for socially, you're my role model.

Aaron Altman:
I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't take it wrong when I tell you that I believe that Tom, while a very nice guy, is the Devil.

Jane Craig:
This isn't friendship.

Aaron Altman:
What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I'm semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing... he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important. Just coax along flash over substance... Just a tiny bit. And he will talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women.

Aaron Altman:
I think we have the kind of friendship where if I were the devil, you'd be the only one I would tell.

Bill Rorich:
This is a brutal layoff. And all because they couldn't program Wednesday nights.

Paul Moore:
You can make it less brutal by knocking a million or so off your salary... Bad joke, I'm sorry.

Aaron Altman:
Pretty peppy party pal.

Blair Litton:
Oh, you think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.

Aaron Altman:
No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.

Blair Litton:
My gosh... and for a while there I was attracted to you.

Aaron Altman:
Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

Tom Granick:
It's not that I'm down on myself. Trust me. I stink.

Aaron Altman:
And in the middle of all this, I started to think about the one thing that makes me feel really good and makes immediate sense... and it's you.

Jane Craig:
Oh, Bubba.

Aaron Altman:
I'm going to stop right now. Except that I would give anything if you were two people, so that I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one that I like *so much*!

Aaron Altman:
Let's never forget, we're the real story, not them.

Aaron Altman:
I just wanna be alone this time.

Ernie Merriman:
It's ok. I'll go with you.

Aaron Altman:
Thanks.

Paul Moore:
It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room.

Jane Craig:
No. It's awful.

Aaron Altman:
Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time.

Aaron Altman:
Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?

Aaron Altman:
And if things had gone differently for me tonight then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything. But give me this: he personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? I buried the lead.

Paul Moore:
Now, if there's anything I can do for you...

Aaron Altman:
Depends on how slow a news day it is.

Jane Craig:
I can't believe you said that!

Aaron Altman:
I'm very proud of that.

Aaron Altman:
Hi, Elli. Remember me? I've been to your house...

Ernie Merriman:
And Aaron was on that 14-day rafting trip we took.

Elli:
Oh, yeah...

Aaron:
It was raining... I had a hood on...

Elli:
Oh, yeah!

Aaron:
She remembers me!

Aaron Altman:
You really blew the lid off of nookie

Tom Grunnick:
What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?

Aaron Altman:
Keep it to yourself.

Jane Craig:
No, no, no it wasn't just the speech, the same thing happened with this guy. I have passed some line, some place. I am beginning to repel people I'm trying to seduce.

Aaron Altman:
He must've been great looking...

Jane Craig:
Why do you say that?

Aaron Altman:
Because nobody invites a *bad* looking idiot up to their bedroom.

Tom Grunnick:
I'm going to miss you... you're a prick in a good way... I'm sorry.

Aaron Altman:
No, I liked how that made me *sound*.

Aaron Altman:
Can I watch the news?

Aaron Altman:
Sorry... sex, tears... this must be the news.

Aaron Altman:
If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.

Jane Craig:
Just what do you want from me anyway, permission to be a fake? Stop whining.

Jane Craig:
I-I can't help you. Sorry, I'm not here to teach remedial reporting.

Jane Craig:
People called in complaining about your sweating?

Aaron Altman:
No, NICE calls, worried that I was having a heart attack.

Jane Craig:
So you like me, huh?

Tom Granick:
I like you as much as I can like anyone who thinks I'm an a**hole.

Paul Moore:
[after firing one of his workers] Now, if there's anything I can do for you...

Employee:
Well, I certainly hope you'll die soon.

Tom Grunick:
You're an amazing woman - what a feeling having you inside my head!

Jane Craig:
[smiling] Yeah - it was - an unusual place to be.

Tom Grunick:
It's like - indescribable - you knew just when to feed me the next line, you knew the m... second before I needed it. There was like, a rhythm we got into - it was like - great sex!

[he pulls her toward him while she laughs]

Aaron Altman:
The pointers were great, I'll study the tape.

Tom Grunick:
Just remember that you're not just reading the news, you're narrating it. Everybody has to sell a little. You're selling them this idea of you, you know, you're sort of saying, trust me I'm, um, credible. So when you feel yourself just reading, stop! Start selling a little.