Brother's Keeper

[After playing Dad for a day to Oscar]

Bobby Waide:
That kid eats a looot of taffy.

[At a parenting class]

Bobby Waide:
There are a lot of babes here...

Porter Waide:
[sarcastically] Yes, well, I'm sure they came here to meet you. That's why they came with their husbands.

[After being told he's "not funny at all]

Porter Waide:
I'm funny! Maybe not in a humorous way, but...

Bobby Waide:
You know what it could be?

Porter Waide:
What?

Bobby Waide:
Dead fish in the furnace.

Porter Waide:
Is that just a wild guess?

Bobby Waide:
No, it's where I put it.

Porter Waide:
My God! What is that smell? It smells like a rotten egg!

Oscar Waide:
It could be left over from the Easter Egg hunt we had last Christmas.

Porter Waide:
Why would you have an Easter Egg hunt at Christmas?

Bobby Waide:
The element of surprise.

Porter Waide:
God, it smells like death! It's worse than death. It's like if you cut death open and there was something that really stinks inside. How can you not smell that?

Bobby Waide:
Olfactory fatigue.

Porter Waide:
Pardon?

Bobby Waide:
You know, when you smell something for a really long time, then you can't smell it anymore. It's how the French live with each other. You know who I feel sorry for is Spain, just downwind. Who do you think the bulls are running from?

Porter Waide:
This olfactory thing, do they have that for hearing?

Bobby Waide:
Don't think so.

Porter Waide:
That's too bad.