Brotherly Love

[Anne is pregnant]

Andy:
How'd it get in there?

Claire:
Andy, we've already had this discussion about where babies come from.

Andy:
I know, but I want to hear it from her.

Claire:
Andy!

Andy:
I just want a second opinion.

Anne:
Andy, it's really simple, when a boy and a girl really like eachother a lot, and they spend enough time together, sometimes they just make a baby.

Andy:
Spending time together, huh? I'd better call Susie, and tell her we have to cool it!

Matt:
[singing] Hey, Leo! Look, Leo... There's a pigeon on your car! Hey, Leo! Look, Leo... There's a pigeon on your car! Well, you can't go far with a bird on your car. Everybody knows that's true. Hey, Leo! Look, Leo... whadya think you're gonna do?

Andy:
I've invented vegetable ice cream. I call this, Brocoli Surprise. Be brutal.

Joe:
All right, just give me this. It's not bad, Andy. What is the, uh, surprise?

Andy:
No brocoli.

Joe:
Hey, Lou, you still having those wild dreams about me?

Lou:
Yeah, I am. Every night, it's exactly like one of those Calvin Klein commercials.

Joe:
You mean hot and sexy, huh?

Lou:
No, I mean annoying, confusing, and about thirty seconds long.

Matt:
Feel me.

Joe:
What?

Matt:
Feel me, am I warm?

Joe:
Get lost!

Matt:
[about Andy] Look at him, Mom, he's disgusting. He's always pulling things out of his nose, his ears. Wipin' it on his shirt. He's like a third base coach. [wipes his hands on a napkin]

Andy:
That's my napkin.

Matt:
Excuse me, Mom, I have to go wash my hands.

Andy:
[picking up his napkin] Hahah, I love doing that!

Andy:
If you like someone, does it matter if they're not the same age?

Claire:
No, of course not. Andy, do you like a girl?

Andy:
That's a little personal, don't you think, Mom?

Matt:
What, what are you lookin' at?

Joe:
Nothing!

Matt:
It's the shirt, right?

Joe:
No!

Matt:
I was gonna change.

Joe:
So change!

Matt:
It is the shirt!

Joe:
After your dad was, ah, "Lost at Sea," um, did your mom date a lot?

Lloyd:
We had to eat.

Joe:
Did, she, like, ever get married without letting you know?

Lloyd:
Just once in the 60's, but it was null the next day. The Kennedys are a very powerful family... We had to eat!

Matt:
Neurotic, Germiphobic, Afraid of Heights.

Joe:
What are you working on, buddy, your r?sum??

Joe:
You think The Sound of Music is the scariest movie of all time?

Lloyd:
The hills are alive!

Joe:
What're you doing?

Matt:
Getting into bed.

Joe:
Yeah, this is my bed. There's a sleeping bag on the floor for you.

Matt:
The floor's drafty, Joe. If I get sick, I'll be of no help to you.

Joe:
You're no help to me now!

Matt:
My God... There is a bag... Of corn chips in your bed!

Joe:
I take that back, you are helping out.

[about Matt's pimple]

Joe:
I can't see anything.

Matt:
Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there!

Andy:
[with a French accent] Ack, Americans!

Andy:
Let's party!

[the guys cheer]

Andy:
Master Kim says that a true warrior fights alone.

Matt:
Master Kim works nights at Seven Eleven.

Andy:
So who should know better than him?

Andy:
Master Kim says a man who faces combat has already won.

Matt:
The last thing Master Kim said to me was "Shut freezer door. You melt popsicle."

Joe:
How did your date go?

Lou:
First I was yelled at for being late; I was told I looked like a mess. Then I got stuck with the check.

Joe:
What kind of guy would do that?

Lou:
He was long gone. I mean Claire.

Lloyd:
[from inside a limousine] Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?

Joe:
How much does Chevy Chase make for six films?

Andy:
I don't know, noe?

Joe:
Right on!

trick or treater:
Nut!

Lloyd:
No, thank you!

Louise Davis:
Well you know not all men are slaves to their testosterone, Roman.

Joe Roman:
No, no... you're right. Just the ones between 13 and 65.

Louise Davis:
Well, you know if men were willing to talk over coffee there would be no war.

Joe Roman:
No. There would still be war,we'll just be fighting twice as long because we'll be up all night.

Lou:
Lloyd cupcakes? Refined sugar, those things are gonna kill you man.

Lloyd:
Not if I kill them first.