Bullet in the Face

Johann Tannhauser:
I've been giving thought to the idea of naming my child. It's a great responsibility, choosing the right name. If I call him "Zeus"... but that would cause problems of high expectations. Maybe I call him "Awful." Would cause him problems of low expectations. Maybe I call him "Fire"! That would cause panic whenever someone calls his name. I would like this. But you know, I'm really looking forward to disciplining our child. Because without discipline, how can he ever learn... discipline.

Johann Tannhauser:
Do you know how many species there are where the female kills the male after copulating? Scorpions! Black widow spiders! Preying mantises! That's it. Three. Not that... many.

Lt. Karl Hagerman:
If you know more than you're telling us, tell us so we'll know more than we now know.

Eva Braden:
[to Gunter] Good against evil doesn't always work, so I'm using you, to fight evil with evil.

Lt. Karl Hagerman:
But if you fight evil with evil, evil wins either way... just sayin'.

Gunter Vogler:
I was in a bad accident. I prefer good accidents.

Johann Tannhauser:
But I have decided. I have decided that you should have the baby here. We have everything here we need for delivery. We have balloons. We have... many balloons.

Gunter Vogler:
The woman in this bed is dishonest, deceitful, and manipulative... and I cannot live without her.

Johann Tannhauser:
Your aura of sluttishness - you have contaminated my hideaway with your sluttitiousness.

Eva Braden:
Find Tannhauser in time and the war will end, just like when Saddam Hussein was captured in Iraq.

Gunter Vogler:
[laughing] The war didn't end after that!

Eva Braden:
It did in the US versions of events.

Gunter Vogler:
Think how many entertaining movies there are thanks to Hitler. Without him, would Sophie have a choice? Would Schindler have a list? Would Jurassic have a park?

Gunter Vogler:
I'm running late for a tryst. When a man is late, he's cool. When a woman is late, she's pregnant. Remember: always wear watches and condoms.

Johann Tannhauser:
I will crush him. I will best him with my knowledge, honed by this board, honed from your mind, sucked into my mind, and then blown out in a very usable way. Racken may be the master of Parcheesi, but I will be a master of chess.

Gunter Vogler:
He's agoraphobic.

Racken:
I could give a sh*t he's afraid of agora. He should be afraid of me. Man, when I find him, I'm going to chop him up in little pieces, sprinkle him on a pizza. Not even fresh-made. The frozen kind kids pop in the microwave when their mothers are hung over.

Miss. Leibwachter:
I'll have you know a man tried to rape me once. I broke his spinal cord using my buttocks, hmm.

Lt. Karl Hagerman:
All this corruption. Makes me want to shower for all eternity.

Johann Tannhauser:
Gunter, you are my rock star, you know this. You kill everything I ask you to kill. You even kill extra things, like-like dogs and cats along the way. People just crossing the road. You killed everyone on that boat, remember? You drowned them from the inside, it was beautiful. You killed that guy on his wedding with piano wire, while he was playing piano. I love you for this stuff.

Johann Tannhauser:
I don't want to kill her. You kill her. You love killing things. You kill everything you see. You even tried to kill me once. You tried to kill yourself once. Come on, you crazy bastard, kill her, do it, you love it, wrap yourself in Jews and kill her. You're acting like a snail on a wet Friday, what's going on?

Gunter Vogler:
Enjoy yourself. Your penis has other uses besides urination and embarrassment.

Gunter Vogler:
I will not live my life with some other face I do not recognize. I am not Mickey Rourke.

Gunter Vogler:
Look at you. So tough. The only way you could give a man pleasure in bed is if you shared half a sandwich.

Lt. Karl Hagerman:
Making the question whether the enemy of your enemy is your enemy or friend, followed by whether that enemy is the friend of your enemy or of the second enemy? And whether one or all three are enemies of Gunter, who is the enemy of both your enemies? Or perhaps not of your third enemy, who could also be your friend.

Gunter Vogler:
Hagerman, before this month is over, I will kill you.

Racken's Mafiosi #1:
May I ask, with all the bodyguards here, you picked the black guy for this degradation?

Racken:
Hey. Hey, hey. Do not go there. Seriously. I got lots of black guys in my mob. You may not know this, I was the first guy to recruit kids from low-test-score schools. It was like, it was like no-no juvenile delinquent left behind. It was a hell of a program.

Racken:
I know who is responsible for all this. Tannhauser. He's not a normal criminal, obviously. Probably never ate a hoagie in his life. You know, I'm going to drag his agoraphobic ass out in the street and make him eat snails. And I do not mean escargot. Hell no. I mean live, American slugs from the garden of a Detroit City autoworker.